As many of you know, in March of this year I was diagnosed as bipolar 2. I am experimenting with different types of healing methods to see what works best for me. From March until about two weeks ago I was on medication. I stopped taking the meds because I didn't like how numb I felt. Always. I am now trying more natural methods and am tracking what's working and not working here on this blog.
I greatly believe that there is a connection between the depression side of bipolar and sugar. So I gave, really...giving up, sugar. Hey, it's a process. I've been staying at my mom's place this week because it's summer vacation and my son, nephew and niece have been on a marathon playdate here at the house. I mentioned that to say that I don't control what kinds of food come into the house. I said yesterday that there are a few chocolate bars in the refridgerator calling my name. I resisted. But that doesn't mean I didn't sugar cheat. I had two gingerales and a root beer soda. I also had two cups of dry fruit loops and two small bowls of rasin bran cereal. In a day, that is a lot of sugar.
When my depression is triggered I begin to cry and have a great desire to be alone. I allowed myself the small sugar cheats as a reward for ignoring the chocolate. At about 9 last night I felt the tears coming and the desire to be alone. The disease has me check in with myself quite often. I quickly started adding up how much sugar I had eaten and drank yesterday. I said a prayer and decided to go to bed. Prayer and rest are very important. No tears in the bed just a dedication to do much better on my diet the next day. And I am committed.
It's now 2:39am and as is common with people who are bipolar, I rarely sleep through the night. Writing, blogging, painting are better activities for me than staring at the ceiling trying to follow the wooden blades of the fan above me. Of those activities I enjoy blogging the most lately at this time of morning. Just before I got up I was thinking about how many times I have crashed mentally and wished now that I had kept a food journal then. But better late than never right? I do remember though that the day before I drove myself to the hospital I was on my way home and was already feeling very very low and very very anxious at the same time. I pulled over to get gas and also bought five tootsie rolls. You know, the ten cents ones at the register calling our names. Well, I answered in a moment I was weakest. I didn't know then what I know for sure now about sugar and how awful it is for my mind.
Anyway, I'll keep you posted. Oh, and of course my treatment includes more than just not eating sugar. I also have to exercise daily, stay away from white flour (which I also had yesterday) and take supplements which I listed on a recent previous entry. Please check it out. I did go for a short walk yesterday. I'm trying to be in the sun for at least fifteen minutes a day to get some of that good natural vitamin d. Like I said folks, it's a process and I'll keep you posted. I usually do.
Enjoy yourselves today.