Sunday, September 27, 2015

I don't have all the fancy things life has to offer and cannot provide those things for my son. Yet. Who knows if I ever will be able. But we wake up sharing stories. We laugh. He tells me stories and shows me YouTube videos of Wu Tang. My son and I love Wu Tang together. And we love and worship God and we appreciate life and love. And we eat. And have shelter. And wear clothes. We are in good health and know the value of prayer. I appreciate that I get to watch him navigate his way through life, with the guidance of God and the ancestors. I get to hear his voice and watch him do his homework and go off to karate practice and school. I get to love him. I get to call his name and hear him answer. And then I think to myself, what fancy things I have. What fancy indeed.

Friday, September 25, 2015

I am thankful for this beautiful blessed morning
For my open eyes
The health and safety of my son
The love of my friends and family
I am thankful for art and words
For work and more work to do
For energy and willingness to get it done
I am thankful for time
And space
For ease and forgiveness and grace
I am thankful

Monday, September 21, 2015

I have some really good friends. You know who you are and what you bring to my life and what you allow me to bring to yours. I love y'all!
Thank you to those of you who came out to Red Stories tonight and experienced Taalam Acey! He was magical and so were you all. Special thanks to Nishati Vibrations. Taalam, thank you for sharing your stories and poems. Happy birthday and love you dearly, brother!

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Today (Sunday) Taalam Acey is the featured artist at Red Stories at Vibrations 2435 Manchester Blvd., Inglewood, CA (between Crenshaw and Van Ness) at 7:30 pm, $10. I look forward to seeing you there!
I am thankful this morning for waking up
For seeing my beautiful and healthy son walk through our home
I am thankful for friends and family
For the kind thoughts and prayers of others
I am thankful for peace and ease in this moment
For not letting some circumstances define my mood
For knowing that there are other circumstances that are lovely
I am thankful for my health and strength
For food and shelter and love
I am thankful for being thankful

Saturday, September 19, 2015

September 10 was national suicide prevention day and I did not post anything. I wanted to. But I did not. Because of my own clouds. My own reasons. As a woman who has known days when the rainbow was enuf (maybe you get it), I know how important it is to let others know that they have an ear that will hear. Listeners are golden. I know what it is to overplay the happy because fake it till you make it seems like a good idea. I know what it is to want to talk but not have the words to say. I say all this to say, be an ear for someone who does not have words. Be a hand to hold. Be a prayer. Be love for someone who needs you.
Sometimes I write words to inspire myself to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. And believe me, sometimes it takes a lot. But I do. I get out of bed (most days) and I pray and I write down things I am thankful for and I smile. On purpose. And I love myself (most days). And on the days when the clouds get low I stand when I cannot take the next small step and I breathe. And that's enough. That one breath and then the next is what I need to stay alive.

From journal entry 9-18-15

It's 1:03 pm and I am sitting outside of Starbucks drinking a PowerAde I bought from a store down the street this morning. I'm on Melrose Ave. on a break from teaching two poetry classes at Fairfax High. I have one more to go.

I've been dealing with a bout of depression for over a month now. It takes a lot of energy for me to do the simplest things it seems. I see my doctor again early next month. There are moments though, like now when I feel the clouds leaving my body and I see my life as full and beautiful, even exciting. The depression is a part of being bipolar. It happens. I'm not the only one. This isn't the first time. This too will pass. All that.

I pray every day. I pray prayers of thanksgiving for waking me up. Waking my son up. Keeping us in God's care. I pray often. Prayers keep me. Prayers keep me alive and able to see life as something to enjoy even when things aren't going the way I want them to go. When the rent is a little late, when the cabinets are not stocked with all the cereals for my son. I am not a loser. My brain doesn't always agree, but whatever.

In this moment. On this Starbucks stoop. On this break. I am okay. And that's what matters. This moment.

Monday, September 14, 2015

I feel so much better.
I went to the beach today with V and Tchise. It was sister healing. We stared into the ocean and up at the sky and sent wishes up to the Universe and we are sure God heard. Thank God for sisters. For water, healing water. We put our feet in the water tonight and it was warm. The sand was soft and the air was clean. I am thankful for the tribe I have found. My tribe of healers and listeners, of thinkers and artists, of mothers and friends. I am thankful for this day.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

I am thankful for another day. Thankful for my son, friends and family. Thankful for life. Thankful that the clouds are lifting. Getting out of the house today. My body needs to move. I need fresh air and people and bookstores.

Love yourself today. Love your whole self.

Also I'm sending a prayer for a friend in hospice today. Life is short. Again, love your whole self.

Friday, September 4, 2015

And sometimes the clouds come. And I am thankful for my blessings and the clouds land anyway. Foggy and thick in my head. Heavy. They make me sad for reasons I don't know. Can't control. So I pray. I write. I blog. I type. I clean the bathroom. I lie my body down longer than I should. I should move. I should run. I don't. I am still.

And even through the clouds I am thankful. Thankful for waking up this morning. Thankful for my son, for my friends and family. For love. For another birthday yesterday. Thankful for even the clouds. They pass. They do. These too will go away.