It's 9:27pm and I am at home. The past few weeks have been hard for me. Hard for me to...deal...with almost anything. Hard to get in the shower, hard to get out of the car when I get home, hard to get out of bed, hard to care about a lot of things. I have been managing work and doing a pretty good job of that, though I don't know how and it does take a lot out of me. Working with my client and teaching my weekly class and everything I do in between. It got so bad for me last week I went to Exodus to check myself into the hospital. I just got to see a psychiatrist on duty and she just doubled my Latuda meds. I didn't even get the Rx filled. I'll wait to see my doctor on the fifth and see what she says. I do think I need to be in the hospital for a while. I just don't really have the time. That and psych wards are scary. That's my story. That was my experience the last time I was there. It did help me though. I'm leaving for Colorado this weekend so I won't make any decisions about going into the hospital until I return anyway.
But I'm managing. I give myself that. I give myself brownie points for doing the smallest things. Points for taking a shower. Points for getting out of the car when I park at home in under an hour. Sometimes I don't make it. But then sometimes I do.
I'm looking forward to going to WomanPreach this weekend because I always feel empowered when I'm there. Praying for a good time and that God uses me to speak the words God would have me speak. Here am I, Lord, use me.
This depression hit me pretty hard this time. I'm hoping for and easy lift. That the clouds separate and I see lovely blue skies again. I am believing this will happen soon. At least I am believing it will happen.
Gonna get some notes together for the show this weekend. Wish me love.