Thursday, October 15, 2015

It's 4:14 pm and I am at home. I feel sort of normal today. A little low on energy but better than I have been the past few days. I'm good. I didn't have to work today, just prepare a lesson for tomorrows classes which I'll do later on this evening. I'm determined to write and pray through this. This this.

I had a conversation with C-Bone last night at The World Stage about doing an interview with me around mental health issues, specifically bipolar and depression. Every time I do a poem on the subject someone comes up to me to discuss his or her own issues. This thing is big and people are suffering in silence and want someone to tell. People want to know that they are not alone in their feelings. They want to know that they are safe. I want people to know that they are safe too. That bipolar looks likes me. Not always the lady who sleeps on the bus stop and talks to herself. So when you say them, you are talking about me too. You are talking about your loved one too whom you may not know is dealing with this beast.

I want people to know that there is life with this. That it does not have to be a life of suffering but that prayer and art helps. Greatly. The Most High has saved my life. Through art and friends and family and words and breath and exercise and water and food and love. Yes love. I have my down days but I am here. I also have days when I am way too up and coming down feels impossible and that's a part of being bipolar, but again, I am here. I also have days when I am very level and I see so much beauty in the world. I laugh, I tell jokes, I write poetry, I paint pictures, I am living. It ain't always pretty, but I'm here and truthfully my beach days outweigh my bad days.

4:33 pm
My car is still in the shop. I was hoping to be able to pick it up today while I was off and drive to work tomorrow but the shop is still waiting on another part. That's okay. So what, I'll be on the bus again. I still have my health and strength and Uraeus is well and fed and at peace.

I am thankful today for waking up this morning
For Uraeus waking up this morning
For the health and strength of my family and friends
I am thankful for energy to go and pay my phone bill and get water and groceries from the store
For a peaceful walk home
For love and friends in my life
For peace
For words and poetry and this blog where I let go thoughts I would otherwise hold onto
I am thankful for being thankful

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