Black ass poems. Black ass stories. Black ass art. Black ass life. Black ass love. Black ass hate. Black ass parenting. Black ass depression. Black ass mania. And other stuff too.
Sunday, May 24, 2020
Scary
About twenty years ago I was in a play. My son was two years old. The night of the dress rehearsal the cast was backstage talking. I was the only Black member of the cast. The rest were white. One of the women started talking about how adorable her nephew was when he was a little boy but when he became a teenager, "he started looking and acting all scary." She said "boys do that." Another cast member joined the conversation and said that her teenager wasn't scary at all. The first woman replied that it doesn't happen to ALL boys and then turned to me and said, "you're definitely going to experience this." She had never met my son. To my knowledge she wasn't a psychic. I wasn't even in the conversation. My son is not scary looking or acting. Not to me anyway. In fact, he is very well mannered and quite handsome. But these are the kinds of people he has to deal with out in the world. These are the women he has to serve on his job. These are the women working at his home bank, at restaurants throughout the city. These are the women who drive the buses, Ubers, Lyfts. These women are police officers, approve or decline loans, are property managers, sit in jury boxes. Do you see what I'm saying here? Do you really? Tell me how irrational it is for Black parents to pray that extra prayer when our children leave home. As if they even have to leave home.
Grief
I shared a photo yesterday of a nine years old boy who Miami-Dade Police thought to be abducted by two Black men. When I see posts of missing people I say a prayer and I share because you never know. Before I shared that post though, I added hot sauce to the prayer. I asked for extra covering on ALL Black men in ALL of Florida because somehow all Black men fit THE description. Sadly, the boy's body was found today and I wonder how safe Black men in Florida feel walking around. And yes, of course I feel for the boy's family and my heart hurts for what they must be experiencing, but double duty grieving has always been the work of Black women's hearts.
Because Dad
Me: Dad, I want you to cut back on drinking. I don't want it to kill you.
Dad: Oh, I have cut back!
Me: What?
Dad: Yeah. I used to drink 90 proof. Now I only drink 87!
Dear parents of young entrepreneurs
Encourage your children. Don't squash their ideas. Don't tell them how many ways it won't work. Help them build. They have their own visions. So what nobody in the family ran a business before. Your child will be the first. You know how you celebrated the first one in the family to graduate college? Same thing. Celebrate the first dancer, artist, video game maker. Your children hear what you don't say. Your children will make it. They will remember the blocks you put in front of them because YOU were afraid. That safe road for you is not safe for them. When you dismiss their ideas as hobbies they hear you. Their happiness and their dreams are not as important as YOUR plan for their lives. That is the message you are sending. The words you say and what you don't say will replay in their heads. Give them good thoughts.
Church
I'm waiting in a parking lot and the next car is an easy seven spots away. For some reason his phone is on speaker and whoever he is talking to is witnessing to my ratchet soul. I'm sure she has no idea how loudly her voice is blaring through this lot.
"You can't even trip 'cause they gon talk they talk either way! You do good or you do bad. Mituswell do good! You keep doin' you and you ain't even gon be able to see them no more. Whatchu even doin' lookin' down that far?!! They on yo shoes! (Heavy laughter) They! On! Yo! Shoes!"
I feel her. I'm hella inspired right now.
Saturday, May 23, 2020
My morning
long drives bring me joy / a good podcast / then quiet / easy traffic / early morning / with water and tea / thank full / mind at peace / the thoughts still come / the thorny ones that jump out at me from the back seat of my mind / they are easier to dismiss / not impossible / my therapist says they will dissolve in time / i don't know / i could use a good nap now / remember my day in my dream / the lake / the mountains / trees / bbqs chips $1.99 at the market / i can breathe again / deep / slow / this was enough / a getaway as good as i could get / sun on my face / ancestors whisper sweetly / stay child / finish your work / we will be right here / i am enough / for me
Thursday, May 21, 2020
Night
11:09pm. Home. I wanted to get some painting done but I need to rest. Gonna go to sleep now and I'll try to get up early and get some painting in. I am thankful I sold some art today. Looking forward to moving.
Gratitude
Today I am thankful for waking up early
For a good rest last night
A good nap today
For art to deliver
I am thankful for Uraeus
For food
Shelter
Cable
I am thankful for stories
For good health
Peace
For deep breaths
I am thankful for family
Friends
For love
For a good rest last night
A good nap today
For art to deliver
I am thankful for Uraeus
For food
Shelter
Cable
I am thankful for stories
For good health
Peace
For deep breaths
I am thankful for family
Friends
For love
Uraeus
Uraeus was in kindergarten and was sitting in the backseat as we were riding home. He kept calling me but not wanting anything. I think he thought it was funny but it was bothering me. He kept calling me then finally is screamed "WHAT?!! URAEUS?!!!"
Uraeus: Oh. You're never gonna get a man like that.
Me:
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