First of all, hello everyone. I hope that you are well today. I hope you have some peace on this day. As for me, I am happy. I could be drinking more water and resting more, but I am well.
I had a conversation with my therapist a few days ago that was very interesting to me. I told her that overall I'm doing fine. Then went on to say that I was more than fine, I have been happy, at peace (for the most part) and creative. Often I find myself pausing before declaring myself happy, peaceful, excited... My thoughts always go to others who might not be experiencing those feelings and I make that mean that somehow I don't deserve them either. Like we can't all have our feelings at the same time. Like I can't be happy AND there be people hungry, afraid and living under the overpass. Like my joy is the cause of someone else's suffering. It's not. I know that, but the thoughts still come.
These days, I'm excited about moving into my new place on the first. That's one of the things anyway. I told my therapist that I felt like if I got too excited then the other shoe would drop and something bad would happen. I told y'all before about my superstitious ways. She told me that the other shoe was coming anyway. Which didn't comfort me. She went on to say that there will always be shoes dropping but I will be able to handle the shoes when they fall. Me not expressing positive emotions will not postpone negative events. "No one's life is filled with good, good, good and good until the end." She is right. Of course I know this already. But there is knowing something on a rational level and also dealing with that mustard seed of unbelief that lives within us. That is the work of faith, prayer, therapy, beach walks or whatever it is that you do.
I am no stranger to the rain of left shoes. But as I look back on my life I praise God because not one of those shoes has knocked me out. I will breathe through the next shoe and let God lead me through as is God's good credit with me. So, a show will fall like they have fallen before. But I'm here today. Happy.
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