Tuesday, October 27, 2015

It's 8:31 and I am home with Uraeus. I am thankful for us waking up and seeing this beautiful new day. God is good. I feel good. On my way to a meeting and then to doctor. Praying that God will order my voice and my steps today.

2:30 pm. I am in my car in front of my doctor's office. I just left the UPS store shipping off a painting I sold. I didn't want to go all the way home so I came straight here. My appointment isn't until 4:30 but I have some writing, reading and studying to do. I won't be bored. Plus I believe she will see me a bit early if I check in early. Also it gives me time to journal and release words and thoughts that can build up in my head if I don't let them out.

6:40 pm. I am home. Thankful for another day. Thankful for a good meeting today and seeing my doctor. She was concerned, as am I, that the depression and anxiety is lasting as long as it is and is as heavy as it is. "You're too sad." She said. And I agree. I have been having very low energy and low thoughts for too long. Low and scary. "These are not my thoughts, this isn't me." I told her. And she agreed. "The depression is taking over." She said. We had a good conversation and in the end I agreed to a new medication to lift the depression. I don't really want to be on one more pill but I need something to lift this. Medication is in addition to my regular regiment of prayer, meditation, self love (what I can muster), art therapy and exercise. I'm working on me and God ain't through with me yet. Smile. This is me loving myself. This is me being honest with myself and you. I'm starting off on a very low dosage but I'll keep posting to show progress. Prayerfully progress.

7:35 pm. Watching the news and I see in Columbia, South Carolina a sixteen year old black girl was pulled out of her desk in class and slammed to the ground by a white cop. I don't know what she did and I don't care. The video is heartbreaking and nothing she could have done could have warranted that. Talk about excessive force! What is the message here? She was arrested for disturbing the school. According to another student, that officer is known as Officer Slam around the school because he slams people. This is horrifying! Also another student was arrested for disturbing the school for standing in defense of the girl who was slammed. The lead sheriff is doing an investigation and said he will have his review in by tomorrow.

This is the world we are living in. I have to believe there is more good in the world than bad. I have to. This is where the sadness comes from. It is hard to watch news like this and not cry for our babies. For our world. For me. For you.

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