Sooooo, a few months ago I was on the bus stop on Manchester and Normandie in Los Angeles. I saw a guy in a white (small car) wave at me. I waved enough to acknowledge his wave but also to say "I really don't know you, please keep it pushin'" so of course what did he do? Make a u turn and come and talk to me.
He got out of the car and on the outside seemed to be a nice enough guy. Nice enough meaning at 2:00 in the afternoon on that busy corner I felt safe enough to have a conversation with him until the bus came. He told me that he thought I was beautiful and he just had to turn around and whatever whatever whatever. He made a joke, told me his name and reached to shake my hand. When I shook his hand I could feel how small I was next to him. He was a big guy, that gentle giant type. Friendly, attractive, you know. Now a handshake between friends is short enough but a handshake with someone you meet on the bus stop should be even shorter. Joke, friendly, handsome or not. So after the second and a half my hand was in his I pulled my hand back.
He smiled and held my hand tighter when he felt the pull. He tried to be witty but still held my hand. Not long. Still seconds longer than I said was ok. I thought to myself, wow, we aren't even fighting, we are laughing and I can't get away. What would happen if we hugged and he didn't want to let go or worse, having sex, or really in a fight?
As women, we tend to think about safety a lot. For good reason. Now, to him, he was probably just joking around and meant no harm. But I listened to that voice in my head that told me to pay attention to those few seconds my hand was in his and my pull was declined.
I spoke about this to a friend and asked if I was trippin'. If perhaps I was making more of those seconds than was really there. After all he was a very big guy and was just joking, flirting (with my hand in his). "No" she said. "We have to listen to and pay attention to signs like that. Think about it, big guys know that they are big guys and are usually over sensitive about not making a woman feel threatened. Especially a woman they just met." I agree.
As he left he said, "Awww, come on. Let me take you out. See, my name is James and your name is Jaha. Don't that sound like we should go out?" Uhhh, no. No it doesn't. After he left I called my friend Deana who is always teasing me and telling me to "Stop meeting guys outside. They crazy. And really don't meet guys at a bus stop." Well, that was a few months ago and since then I have a car. Of course, two weeks ago I met a guy at stop light who I think really was crazy. But that's a whole nother post.