Monday, June 25, 2012

People say I say too much

When I was a little girl and would have scary dreams, the next morning my mother would tell me that if I talked out loud about the dream then it wouldn't come true. A part of me still believes that. Not just about dreams but everything. Only now I don't talk out loud so much as I blog or write in my journal about things I need to let out. Blogging mostly.

People say I say too much about myself in my poetry and on the blog. Trust me, there is so much I don't say. I let out what I do let out for a few reasons. For so many years I have dealt with the mental bouncies from high to low to HIGH to LOW low low low and now that I have a diagnosis for it called bipolar 2 I feel compelled to talk it out to get through it. Also it may help someone else who may be dealing with it or have a loved one dealing with it. So there.

Of course that's not the only thing in my life I have going on and it's not all I share on this blog. As you may have noticed by all of the kagillion pictures I post I'm also a photographer. I'm a mother to the best son in the world. Deal with it. I'm a poet, a fiction writer and a thinker. Judge yourself. I wear a lot of hats. My latest one is menopause going througher (yes that's a word. Stay judging yoself). And this one is a tough one because I don't know other women my age (42 almost 43) going through it. When I mention it to women my age sometimes they respond like I did something wrong. Like I walked through door number three too early on purpose. I get this especially from women who don't have children yet and want them. I feel judged. Like they have to tell me that it's my diet, it's the meds I'm taking it's the freaking air I'm breathing or the water I'm drinking. Somehow it's my fault that my body is going through these changes now instead of ten years from now. Really I think I remind them that the whole ticking clock is real and it does stop ticking.

So I talk. So I let it out. Mostly in the morning and then again maybe at night. Some people dance and pray (I pray too), some folks sing and stretch to get going in the morning, I blog. That's my beat.

Good morning beautiful people. That's my entry for the day, for now. Enjoy your day. I will. I will.

1 comment:

  1. One of the reasons I love you is because you have no fear. You are so authentic. Many people wish they were like you...I do. I wish you would have been born my sister. I love you just the way you are bipolar and all. Thank you for sharing yourself. It's been a blessing.