Our violence against children

I've been lazy about writing lately. In my mind I'm working on an essay on my thoughts about the arrest of Creflo Dollar for assaulting his daughter. Please Google (because Google is a verb) the story for all of the details. Basically though she is fifteen and wanted to go to a party and he said no. She conceeded to not going but began to cry. He, I guess was giving her something to cry about. The conversation grew into something physical and that's where the story gets "complicated."

She said he choked her for about five seconds and pulled her hair. He denied that and said that she sensationalized the story. But he did admit to spanking her. Let the nineteen year old sister tell it, she originally agreed with her younger sister but then later recanted.

Well, here's what makes me sad. He got up in church after and said "I should never have been arrested." And the church seemed to agree with him. Well, ok, I understand stand by your pastor and all that but did anyone from the church even take the time to listen to the girl? How is her voice being honored? It seems like the wife of the police chief who is living with domestic violence. Who's gonna believe her?

Not just that, but it's sad that we so quickly take his word for the account of what had happened because we accept that it's ok to abuse our chidren. What's the big deal afterall? We survived it. We didn't though. Survive it. We are a group of people who don't know what to do with our anger and are teaching the same to our children.

Thankfully I have not become numb to conversations of who was abused more. "My mama hit me so hard one time with the 'stentioncord I had the scars for..." "My daddy would come home from work and take his belt off with one quick swoop and it sounded like...and he would wear it around his neck all night." The stories, like fishtales, go on and get bigger and bigger. My sister and I weren't spanked children. Not really. I think I can count on three fingers how many times we were spanked. So when I hear these stories and the laughter and acceptance that follows each one, I am sad every time.

I guess I could see the point if spaking actually helped. Even then I would still have a problem but I would at least almost understand. Rarely do I hear a parent say, "Yeah, I spanked him for...and he never did it again." Spanked children seemed to get spanked for the same things over and over. So are the spankings coming from our own frustrations and embarrassment or really from what the child did? Do we really think that we are teaching our children lessons? Well we are. We are teaching them that this his how you handle your frustrations, with violence.

But back to why this issue with Creflo is so serious to me. The church, I am tempted to say especially but I will say surely, the black church, is its own world. There is a president (pastor), there are police (decons), there are psychologists (mother's board), entertainment (choir and praise dancers), life coaches (Sunday school teachers), and the list goes on. When the message is sent that teenage girls "sensationalize" stories and that message is accepted as fact in their world (church), it leaves them open to abuse by the men and boys in the church and with nowhere to turn but outside of the church. And yes, there are men and boys preying on young women and girls in the church. Yes, your church too.

We laugh at how Madea threatens children in her plays and movies with abuse then sings church songs and preaches Jesus and we remember our own stories of abuse. And the stories of our friends. Then we accept we are all ok and better for it and why did they take spaking out of the schools and what is the crazy talk about talking to your kids and time out is for white folks. So when kids are actually abused where do they turn? If the church folk think that violence against children is ok, and hitting children with belts and cords and irons and fists is violence by the way, then of course the Lawd thinks so too. Right?

Our children are not ours to abuse. We don't believe that though. Listen to how we speak. "Don't talk to me like I'm some child." "He's too old now to get spanked." You know how we talk. We have to find another way, family. Because what we are doing, is not working.