Saturday, July 7, 2012

Just one of those days - free write

It's a million four thousand degrees in the house today because the air conditioner went out and while my skin loves this sauna, I don't particularly. I'm still in Lancaster, PA and will be heading home on Monday. I'm having a moment. You know those moments that sneak up on you, or is it just me? I'm spiraling a lot lately. Down and downer. Each time I pick myself up though. I'm hearing the voices of all the church women in my head right now. "No you didn't pick yo self up, chile, that was the Lawd!" And they are right. Thank You, God.

Maybe you think this blog is a bit depressing. If I were you I probably would. But I won't apologize for that. I have to write about it or I won't get through those moments. Those moments that just sneak up on me. From nowhere. Those moments when I'm not sad anymore I just wanna be alone and the only voice I can stand to hear is my son's. Not even my own.

I haven't been eating much lately. There are a few reasons for that though. 1. It's been a kagillion seven degrees. 2. I haven't felt like it. 3. I haven't felt like it. I've had a few aha moments while I was here in PA. I won't share them now but soon maybe. Maybe. Bear with me or not but I'm just writing through this junk in my head. The words are much better out than in. I have a private journal I write in and maybe I'll do that later. That's where the I put the stuff I would never say here. Some stuff is mine. All mine.

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