I had a dream night before last that I was on the twenty-second floor in an elevator. I pushed the button and the elevator fell. Fast. I haven't come out of that dream yet. I'm falling. Fast. Emotionally I'm all over the place and still trying to maintain some sense of normalcy. I know I'm off though. Again. It's part of the cycle. I'm so tired of it. Been trying to control thi thing with diet and exercise. I think it's helping in the sense that I don't seem to have episodes as often or as severely. They come though. They do. The inability to sleep. The depression. The paranoia. The stuff. It's been a coup,e of days and I'm not expecting it to last long. Despite this junk, I'm such an optimist. Kinda. Mostly I can't function properly with this heavy and I'm determined to function properly. And by properly I mean with a clear head. This moment is not easy though. Yesterday was not easy. Today will be better. Today will be better. It just will be.