Thursday, May 30, 2013

Facebook break

3:33am. Home.

Of course I'm up at this time. Had a few rough moments last night. More than a few, but I was and am determined not to sink into the mud. I did not go out. I came home and went to bed. Not to sleep. Sleep took a while. I needed quiet. And food. And water.

Still didn't finish the writing assignment due tomorrow but hey, there's still today, right?

I made the decision to get off of Facebook for a period. I don't know how long. But for now for sure. I keep getting so triggered by super depressing articles and even more depressing comments. I saw an article yesterday about two black teens in Chicago who were killed, strangled by four white teenagers who invited them to a party. The invitation was a joke. They just wanted them there to kill them. Why? Well because two of the white teens had a fetish for having sex with a corpse. Sooo.... The article goes into how the teens had sex on top of the bodies of these boys. These black boys. Our babies. Our growing men. I. Just. Couldn't. That was too much. I'm just one of those people who feel everything. I just do.

I couldn't and can't even imagine what the parents, friends and families are going through right now. The loved ones on both sides, the victims and the abusers. It's too easy to just say, as the comments have said, that they, the abusers, are just "possessed by the devil." Possessed by the devil means that there are not people in the world who choose this kind of wickedness. And there are!

The shit never fucking ends! The stories get worse and worse. I write a poem and say cute little words and call out names of the dead. And in the end they are still dead and I can't get their voices and faces and stories out of my head. I have become a cemetery. Holding all these bodies. Sinking lower and lower with the bodies I write about. Bodies and unjustly imprisoned men and women and the abuse and misunderstanding of the mentally abused. And dot dot dot. I had to tap out at sex on top of strangled black teens.

I'm still posting my poems every day but I'll just be posting them here on this blog. If anyone wants to read them, they will be here. I'm not even posting my photos on FB right now. I just can't even log on to it. Maybe I'll post advertisements for Red Stories near the end of the month, but that's about it. At least for now. There is good in the world and good on Facebook too. Just...I need a break. That's all.


  1. "I have become a cemetery, holding all these bodies..." yeah...

  2. I should do this break with you... like seriously... ok, done. then I can really focus on what my "real" feelings are. - nskies