Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Fire - very rough draft

Fire is that thing, person, situation, circumstance that gets you heated. Fire is a problem to solve. Fire is a something to handle before it gets out of control. Fire burns. Fires move you to move. Fires keep you from moving. Fires are a part of life. Police brutality gets me heated. This is fire. The killing of black people because of our color and the perpetuated idea that our lives are useless. That we are useless. We whose backs this country was built on is useless. This is the fire shut up in my bones.

Writing and expressing myself is my outlet. Expressing myself on social media, in my journals and blogs. Talking to friends and family and my community, conversing with my son and hearing his thoughts.

The fires keep burning. Sometimes not as hot as others but they burn. Conversation keeps everything alive. Heated conversations. Love conversations. Communication gives life to everything.

I am a part of the fire. Sometimes I am the woman who starts the heat. Fire is necessary. As an artist I find it important to call out the names of my brothers and sisters. I know this triggers some and it should.

Other times I am balm. I am the bucket of water needed to cool the situation down. I am not just one way. But I am in the fire. Hopefully in the way I am needed the most.

My fires are different today than they were yesterday in that in my younger years my fires had more to do with me. My bills, my life, my job, my money or lack thereof. Today what I consider fires are more about my community, which is the world. Police brutality, children abused, domestic violence, racism, sexism, ageism, homophobia. My life work is about making life better for all of us. Educating all of us. I find myself to be a more effective fire diminisher in my current years than my junior because work for my community is more valuable than simply concern for myself. I would not exist without my people. All of my people.

Working with others has helped me be a better person for myself. My needs are considerably smaller than the needs of the world at large. I am a grain of sand.

Removing the focus from myself helps me see the connectedness of all humanity. I am only because we are. I am thankful for the process of learning this.

Some fires play a positive role in my life. Fires cause me to have conversations I would probably ignore. Fires move me to do things I would avoid doing. Of course there is nothing good about abuse and discrimination.The burning ignites a rush and pull to cause community to unite. Problems will always exist. From the suicide of Robin Williams on Monday, a man who suffered with depression, there is major discussion on the topic. I am beyond heated about the police murdering African-American, eighteen years old Michael Brown in Ferguson, MO on Monday. We are having discussions and hopefully organizing some positive way we can move forward and create a step to ending the police brutality against the black community. These are two tragic situations but hopefully solution can come from these atrocities. No, it should not take horrible things to happen for people to unite. Unfortunately many of us operate like the families who only get together at funerals. We need lunch dates and fun times too. But death will occur and we have to create something positive from it.

Fires obviously play a negative role. Fires destroy. They destroy lives, communities, ideas, dreams. Fires with no water in sight keep me and all of us from living. A fire burning uncontrollably will suck up all of the oxygen. This is what a fire is by definition. If everyone is concentrated on the fire we are neglecting other parts of our lives that need to be watered and nurtured. We are not paying attention to the ignored forest when the house is burning. But the forest needs water too. Fires keep us from breathing  beyond the short necessary breaths it takes to survive. Play is necessary. When was the last time there was laughter in a fire? We can fall in the trap of diving into the fire and completely neglecting ourselves. We as individuals are important too. Being still is important. Breathing deeply is important. Having fresh air and head space to breathe deeply is important. We do not exist without the community but it does not live without us either.

Community burns
We keep hope and life alive
Good and bad we burn

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