Me with me part 4

* Morning again.

J* Yeah, early morning.

* What are you doing?

J* I put a dvd in my computer and I'm working on my show for Saturday.

* No you're not you're typing this blog.

(We laugh.)

J* True. But before that I was working on the show.

* What's there to add?

J* Not really add, just kinda put together. The show is still a puzzle and each piece works but I keep changing where I want what where. A part of me feels like this will go on until I'm actually on stage.

* Do you usually go through all this before a show?

J* Umm, I have my process but no, it doesn't look like this always.

* So why the change for this show?

J* I think because it's going to be a more personal show. A lot of me. Me. I tell a lot of stories about other folks and...

* Really, other folks?

J* Well, ok, sometimes I just say they are about other folks but really they are me. But this time there is a lot of me. Admittedly me.

* That's not that new though. You've done that before.

J* Yeah.

* So what else is new?

J* There will be a lot of people who have never seen me perform before. Either have never seen me or haven't seen me in a long time. I'm a little nervous about that. I don't know why. But I am a bit.

* You know how I feel about the phrase I don't know.

J* I do hide behind "I don't know" a lot. You're right. It's my way of being lazy. "I don't know" is a good way for me to not do the work in my head and work through whatever I'm saying I don't know about.

* So do the work.

J* I'm nervous because the show comes at a time when I'm doing a lot of work on myself. No matter how much I try to hide behind a character, the really sore spots of me will show through.

* They always do.

J* Yeah, but this time on purpose. Artists are weird.

* I was going to say that.

J* We put ourselves in positions to show our weaknesses.

* Why?

J* To get stronger. To help other people get stronger. One time I asked V. Kali why artists go through so much...stuff. She said to me "because you'll tell it."

* You tell that story a lot.

J* When I need to hear it.

(Pause.)

* You there.

J* I'm here.

* What are you doin' now?

J* I think I'm gonna check my facebook again and go to sleep.

* Already?

J* Yeah, I'm getting a headache and I have to get up early.

* Why?

J* The headache or get up early?

* Both.

J* The headache probably because I had such a cold the last couple of days and I drank some whisky to dry out the mucus. It worked and I had a good nap but...

And I'm getting up early because I need to catch the train to Long Beach to meet my mother in the morning and then I have a lot to do at the theatre.

* Get some rest. Love you.

J* Love you too.