You 4

I am tired of protecting men who use the church as their playground. For money, for women, for power, for fame. I am tired. I am angry. And I get to be. I am tired of being nice. Nice is NOT woman's work. I am tired of watching women believe men like you. I am disgusted that I did. Sex addiction is sex addiction. The desire and the unwillingness to control it does not end because you spend time in South Africa. Do you know the AIDS stats?

It bothers me that you stand in the pulpit and tell your jokes and then juggle more women than God only knows. And God does know. But what about us? AAAAAlllll of the women you juggled and lied to. Lied about. Paraded in front of the others as "friends."

I am confused, even about this post. What it will do to you, your reputation, your feelings, me? And why? Why do we do that? Protect the feelings of our abusers. It is abuse by the way. To leave my bed and get into hers, and then hers. It is abuse by the way. To run your business in the name of God. To collect money in His name.

I go back and forth about whether or not this is right. Putting it out this way. You know, "vengeance is mine saith the Lord." But this is not vengeance dear. This is love. Vengeance would have been me slashing your tires (like I wanted to), busting your windows, denting your fancy rims. But I restrained. I am older than that. When I pray for the hungry to be fed and then walk by a hungry person and don't feed him the sandwich in my bag, what was my prayer for? To pass the buck? When I pray for justice and then say nothing about allll of the women you are having sex with and letting them believe that they are the only ones and climbing out of their beds and into another pulpit, then what are my prayers for? I am being kind in this post. You know I am. We were fooled. We ignored the scratch behind our ear that was only Mother Spirit telling us to "let this one pass." We stayed.

Remember when you told me your ex was crazy? Crazy because she sent me a message warning me about you. I didn't listen. I didn't want to. I wanted to believe she was crazy too. So when I called to give your new one a similar message, is that who I was? Your new crazy? My prayers for her. For you too.

There is no way you will be able to keep up this kind of life. No matter how long it has been. This post doesn't even scratch the surface of what I know. And I do. I know.

My prayers for all of the ones who know about you and watched me love you and said nothing. My prayers for all of the women believing you. For all of the congregations spending their money on you. My prayers for you. My prayers for me.

Jaha Zainabu