6:19pm and I am at home. I saw two friends today. They are sisters. I've known them since middle school and haven't seen one of them since high school the other I recently saw at my birthday party but before then, it was high school. It was so great catching up and meeting their lovely children and the husband of one of them. Time goes by so quickly. Do you feel that? Does time ever go by with you? How do you mark time? How does each day pass where you are? What is like the sun, the moon? I will always have questions.
I asked about another friend from high school they were closer to than I. Today I found out that she passed away last year. I was shocked. She was only 40 or 41. She had high blood pressure and they think she died of a heart attack. At 41? She was in a coma for six months and then eventually died. I was saddened by this news. She had three children, two of them teenagers and one girl around 5 or 6. Apparently she was living with a lot of stress. Stress is a killer, Mary. It's pressure and negative energy that we store and store and it becomes a part of us. It gets into our blood, our pores, our minds. There are so many triggers around us. I feel it too. I've learned to breathe. To consciously inhale and exhale. To purposely push it out as best as I can. I am no master though. I just do what I can.
The small amount of time we have on this planet is so precious and we don't know when it will end. Just something happens one day. Just our breathing gets short, hands get sweaty, chest starts tightening and then the time is over. Just over. Not over. But different. Forever. The older I get the more particular I am about my actions and words toward others. I know that my last words to someone are my last words to them, if and until I see them again. There are many areas in my life I need to grow and do much better. Every day though, I am doing what I can.
What were the last words you heard? At only three days did you even understand words? Did you understand love? Could you see love in Grandmommy's eyes? Who held you last that you remember? Did you have goodbye words of your own, in your own way?
This life is not for us to understand, I suppose. Just moments for us to experience and take in and do the best we can with. All of the life experiences I am so curious about, are they clear to you? Do you understand? Do you wish you could share your knowledge and wisdom with us and you can't? Are you waiting patiently for us to know too?
How is Lena, Mary? Is she where you are? My high school friend who passed on last year. She was so sweet and kind. I wish her peace now. I hope she is well and relaxed. That she is free and can see and feel and love her children.
It's all so much. Or maybe I make so much of it. Either way, here we are.