Thursday, November 8, 2012

NaNoWriMo - Day 8 - Dear Mary

It's 5:28 on this rainy good morning. Just now I accidentally typed hood morning instead of good. I should have left hood. In addition to good. This is my weather. This rain and chill. This tap on my window, my roof, my head. I love it.

I feel amazing this morning, Mary. I had these dreams last night. All night. In my heart it was you. In my head I am silly and seeing what I want to see. In my dream I was talking to a woman. Was it you? Was I talking to you? Except I couldn't talk and neither could you. I had these thoughts and typed words appeared. I tried to speak but only the typed black, bold, something different font, letters and punctuation marks and spaces. I don't remember all of the content but my heart remembers it was my best writing ever. I remember thinking that even in the dream. Even there I was excited to wake up so that I could write it all down because it was so good. We talked and I shared in ways I never have. We. We. Who was she, Mary? She was a she I could feel. I never saw anyone. Just this feeling. I was sitting on my bed. Or a bed anyway. I was sitting on white sheets in a white room. Even the sheets and walls had the typed words. What did all the words say? Were they my words? Yours? Why am I so happy right now? Even with this sore jaw, why am I this happy? Is something wrong? Love could feel it too. He was walking out the door this morning and turned back and smiled at me. I asked him what he was laughing at, because I can't leave well enough alone. What's wrong with me? He smiled again and said, "I just looked at you and I smiled." That is the sweetest. I have never been loved like this. That's such a cliche. But it's true. It's so true. I am so thankful for him. So glad I stayed. Came back. Stayed. So glad I'm here. So glad for the moment.

While I'm clear this morning and not sleepy, this free write will not be any better. Perhaps I am a mess either way.

I have so much energy right now. More than I may want at 5:46. I am thankful though. For it all. Thankful for Love and my son. My friends and family. My life and peace. My health and the moment. God is good, Mary. That's a cliche too. But a good true one.

I have enough energy to write for the next few hours but I must go to work today and I know I need to get some more rest. I'm running out of pills for my tooth. I would rather be running out of this soreness in my mouth. Will my smile straighten? O, Mary. Good morning. Just, good morning.

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