Awake

It's 3:58 am and I am at home. I have way too much energy for 3:58. I wired. I feel like running and riding my bike and swimming and dancing. I'm happy. Probably too happy. My emotions are cycling so rapidly. It happens.

I'm not going running or biking or swimming. Mostly because it's 4:01.

Yesterday was really hard for me. I have made the choice to go back on my meds. I refuse to see Dr. G again though. I requested someone else and it was granted. The facility changed my appointment with the new doctor twice. Finally I was scheduled to see the doctor yesterday. I had been counting down the days to this appointment. I have been self medicating with over the counter meds and some prescription stuff. I know, I know. But sleep don't come easy, or at all these days.

I took off from work. Less money, less money! My appointment was at 11:00 am so of course I got there at 10:00. You know me. I sat in the car for forty minutes then walked up to the offices. Hold onto your seats, these fuckers were closed! Columbus day! I was livid. I got no call about my appointment being canceled AGAIN!  The woman who made my appointment was the supervisor and knew she was making it on Columbus day because I mentioned that when we were talking. FUCK! So what now?

Well, I'm going to call them when they open this morning and hopefully I'll get to see someone. I don't want to go to another facility but I will if I have to. Self medicating is never the answer. Mostly, it's not working. I went to bed at 1:00 am and woke up at 2:30 am. I'm up at some point at every fucking hour. Every hour. 1:00, 2:00, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00, 6:00, 7:00, 8:00, 9:00, 10:00, go about my day, come home, go to some class, meeting, poetry something, come home, 10:00, 11:00, 12:00 and start all over again. This has been going on for months.