From my journal today

Uraeus and I are moving! We found a place that feels like home. After a very long journey. For so many years the places I have rented were places that would due for the moment. Always until we could do better. This place is an incredible blessing! It's late and I have a late Zoom show in about forty-five minutes I need to get ready for but I wanted to let you all know our great news. We signed the lease and we take the deposit to the office tomorrow. Uraeus and I are mother and son for sure but he is a grown and responsible working man and we are also roommates. We split bills down the middle. Our names are on the lease and our deposit is due tomorrow. I'm still spending oohgoobs paying old bills to get my credit together and thankfully it is getting better. Money is a little tight for me right now but that's just right now. After so many no answers on apartment applications last year the first place we applied to this year said yes. I only found out about the place because a designer purchased my art to go in the model apartments. Oh yes, it's a brand new building. I'm super happy. Anyway, we applied and they said yes and we move in June 1 and deposit is due tomorrow. This morning I posted this on Facebook and Instagram:



Hello everyone! TODAY it would bless me greatly (and you too I hope) if you would purchase one of my electronic collections of poems and stories. I have two collections. Each one consists of 100 poems and stories. 100 is a lot. And I'm only selling them for $10 each. The first one is called 100 POEMS AND STORIES. The second is called PRAISE FOR THIS NOW. This one includes prayers and peace talk and the subjects and language is appropriate for all ages. The collection will be emailed to you within 24 hours of your purchase. You can order via PayPal jahazainabu@gmail.com, Zelle jahazainabu@gmail.com, cash app $JahasArt, Venmo JahasArt. Yes, you can share them as widely as you want. I hope you enjoy. Also, if you have ordered one and not the other, they are not the same poems and stories. Now lean in real close and get this good hug from me. MUAH!



And then I did what I do when I'm stressed or need to get outside my head. I wrote about every step. This was my journal from today:



Friday, May1, 2020

I need $200 more by 5pm tomorrow for my deposit on our place. Where am I going to get it from? I know that it's there. If I sell eight unframed paintings at $25 each I will have it. If I sell twenty e collections at $10 each I will have it. I will push both today.

9:13am. Maijoi bought 100 POEMS AND STORIES.  I will have the deposit money when I sell 19 more e collections. 

9:36am. Brytney ordered a collection. I don't know which one yet. Charisse ordered two collections. I will have what I need when I sell 15 more e collections. 

10:39am. Carolyn bought PRAISE FOR THIS NOW.  I will have the deposit money when I sell 14 more e collections. 

11:43am. Mike just bought 100 POEMS AND STORIES. I will have the deposit money when I sell 3 more e collections. I have to get gas though because my light is on. 

12:39pm. I spent $10 on gas so now I'm back to having the deposit money when I sell 4 more e collections. 

4:45pm. Still running. I dropped off my client (who is also friend) from hospital then picked Uraeus up from work. Now about to deliver a painting to customer. I had to get more gas. I only got $10 again because I'm using deposit money. Now I will have deposit when I sell 5 more e collections. My customer doesn't get home until 5 so I'm sitting in my car in Leimert taking a little breath. I tell you, the journey don't stop. 

6:19pm. I borrowed $45 from Aquiah. I'm $6 away from my deposit money. Really $11 because the money order is going to be $5. This won't always be my story. Maybe this doesn't sound like a praise report but it is. I was so far away from getting a place in my own name this time last year? In fact this time last year I could have died from being so depressed I took a bunch of pills. So, praise. 

7:05pm. V just called and said she got me on the rest. I have my deposit!

Why record all this? Because like I said, this won't always be my story. And a year from now when I look back I pray these baby steps have gotten me somewhere far.