Tuesday, March 14, 2017

I'm so easily irritated and overwhelmed today.

A poem a week for 2017 - for week 8 - Black trans sisters

I will say your name
Your whisper of a name
Leaves me breathless
I will call you a girl
A woman
A prayer a poet a breath
I will see you

You did not deserve this death
This dragon life
Killed for the audacity to be yourself

We owe you a life
We owe you a flood
Your life mattered
The way you left this world mattered
And says something about the horror
Of who we are

I will say your name
Ciara McElveen
Chyna Gibson
Keke Collier
Mesha Caldwell
Jamie Lee Wounded Arrow
Jojo Striker
There were others before you
May your ghosts be at rest
May we be strong enough to kill only
The weakness of hate in ourselves
I will pronounce all the syllables of your name
Know you like my blood
Like you
Are me

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

A poem a week for 2017 - for week 7 - For the love

just loving myself / just being so good to me / cause I deserve some good just like you do too / over here breathing / just in and out letting go what don't do me no more good / sitting here singing songs to myself and writing some too / my hand on my belly / going up and down like a rollercoaster / loving myself / all by myself so I can love you too / so I can give all this so good good lovin to somebody else if they want it / if not I'll just go on my way / my love is good enough for me

just watching the clouds / one look like my face / look like / look like a family reunion / way they come together to make a storm / ain't life grand / ain't it so good / don't bad things happen right on time then go away when they should

releasing / just letting it go / watching these tears fall to my feet / my ugly toes so pretty to me now / all of me so good to me now / take off my shoes run olive oil between my toes / don't it feel good / don't I deserve it / don't you too
It's 5:05 pm and I am at home. I am taking some self care actions by just being quiet and alone and in touch with my feelings. I'm much better today. Yesterday I was filled with anxiety. Had a headache and crazy panic attacks. I read something on Facebook the other day that described my anxiety so well. It said something like "Anxiety is feeling like you have to solve all your problems right now." That's how I felt. Thankfully with the sun came the ability to separate everything I was worrying about and break the mountain down into ant hills. Some things I even realized weren't even worth my time and worry. I'm glad because I need the space in my head for other things. Like art and mothering and life and work and love.

Right now I am getting ready to go to Chicago. I leave in the morning and will be there for the weekend. I'm going to another Womanpreach event. I am so honored to be the artist in residence for that organization. That's another post though. What's on my mind right now is a poem I am trying to write about all of the transgender women being killed across the country. I've read about I think seven so far. One is too many. They are women of color and killed by our brothers. It makes me sick. How can you call yourself "conscious" and "woke" and still be a homophobe? You can't that's how. The poem hasn't formed yet but I'm working on it. I want to read it Friday at the show in Chicago. Right now it's called Chyna Doll Dupree Gibson is the fifth transgender woman killed in 2017 - Say her name. I know it's a long title but that's what it is right now. Gonna get back to work.

Love yourselves.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Writers read.
I took my mom to the hospital the other day because she fell and hurt her back. Falling is no joke. She fell out of bed. I had to call the ambulance and they helped me get her in the car. They didn't take her because they wouldn't take her to the hospital she wanted to go to. We were at the hospital for a couple of hours then my sister joined us. She was at Deja's game earlier but of course kept up with us by phone. When she arrived I sat for a moment and gave thanks that the three of us were able to be together. That Roshann and I still have our mother with us. No one knows the day nor the hour. So many folks are dying that we know and we are together. It's not lost on me.
It's 11:56pm and I am at home. I had a beautiful day today. I love Mondays. Mondays I have my class at CLI at USC. We had a good class tonight. I don't have anything new and terrific for this post tonight. I'm behind like two weeks on my poem a week for 2017 project. I'll make it up before I leave for Chicago next later this week. I had a dream last night that I recited this bad ass poem. I loved it. It was fire. So much so that in the dream I said to myself to post it in my blog. In my dream I did. I reached down and turned on my computer and typed the whole thing. The dream was so real I actually thought I typed it in here, but no, it was just a dream. All of it. Oh well.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

A poem a week for 2017 - week 6 - New day

Take me to the river
Let water wash over my head
My shoulders
Through my fingers
Have mercy
Save my life

Remember way you loved me before
When I was new
When my whisper smelled like jasmine
When my touch would heal your flesh

There are rocks in my throat
Blood under my nails
Blisters on my feet

Take me to the water
Clean me
Make me new like before

I have been fighting for freedom
For mine and for yours
For our boys and our girls

Let me rest on the grass
The sun cry on my face
Kiss me under my chin
Run your fingers cross my neck

Wet me in the water
Until I call out your name

Saturday, February 4, 2017

A poem a week for 2017 - week 5 - Speak (haiku)

Tell me your name and
I will say it. Scream with my
Fire tongue 'cross land

Saturday, January 28, 2017

A poem a week for 2017 - week 4 - Days (haikiu)

These are fighting times
Time to choose a side and speak
Time to lift voice shout

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

It's 12:34 am and I am at home. Been home now for a few hours from a meeting. I am ready for bed but there are words that need to be released before I do. So here I am. With nothing in particular to say. Just here.

I lost my phone yesterday and I have never lost a phone before. At first I felt really disconnected from the world. That's so dramatic but that's how I felt. Disconnected. Thankfully there is Facebook and email where I can still reach out and others and reach me. Not the same as a phone though. I intended to gift myself with a new phone when my V-Day check came but other things like bills were more important. Now I don't the money and have to get a new one. Anyway, me and my first world problems. A phone will come and I will deal.

I'm going to fiddle around online a little while longer then get some rest. I have a morning meeting I need to be good for. I hope you all are loving yourselves. I really do.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

A poem a week for 2017 - week 3 - So woman

Make way for this flesh so bold
These hands so righteous they hold freedom like blood
I have figured out who I am
Can you fly
Can you easy like cloud in sky
I woman dangerously
I woman with my feet
Stepping toward justice every mile
There is prayer in these veins
Heat in this tongue
Watch me call her name and his
Listen to me chant over blood dripping in the street
I am a magic woman

I'm so woman
I'm so own my body my mind
My choice my faults
I am a body of water ready to wave
I am a flicker a flame lighting the way

I am shine from the moon
I cannot unsee what I've seen
I cannot unknow what I've heard

My knees bend to the sky
Thighs so strong and steady
Belly holds my babies heads
I am a revolution
I sister so many ways
Way I love and forgive
Bake bread and remember
I am mother too
Babies come through my walls like messengers
These arms around your shoulders
These fingertips wipe away tears
I am a friend
I am lover and daughter
Wind and rainbow
Look into these eyes and know I am