Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Letters to my people

1. Dear People who are scheduled to appear on a nationally televised court show; Please call me for coaching so that you do not look like a jerk. Thanks. Have a nice day.

2. Dear People who wear pajamas in public; The thrift store by my house is having a sale this weekend on street clothes. All blue and pink tags 1/2 off. Hope that helps. Have a nice day.

3. Dear Paid programming shows; You know, I think that the things you sell are really great. If I was going to spend $49.95 on anything at 4 am, then it would be on whatever it is that you're selling. Really. Ummmm??? Maybe yall could get together and have your own paid programming station or something instead of interrupting Law and Order. Thanks. Have a nice day.

4. Dear Uraeus; As long as I have a prayer in my body, it is to give thanks for you. Love Mom.

5. Dear People on Facebook who motivate other people; if you don't spell the words right, then people won't be that motivated. Blessings.

6. Dear Lady in Wal-Mart with the ponytail perm; If I wanted your advice on how to grow my locks, I would have asked you. Thanks. Have a nice day.

7. Dear FOX NEWS; It's not me. It's you.

8. Women wobble but we don't fall down.

9. Dear Poets over 35; Not that you asked, but I'm bored with your sex poems.

10. Dear Every company I owe; You're not gonna get your money today. Thanks. Have a nice day.

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