Wednesday, August 21, 2013

A poem a day for 2013 - day 232 - Time taken like balm

I took a walk
I hopped on a bus
I went for ride
I listened to strangers
Recorded the timbre of their laughter
For later
I ear hustled their stories
I sat in a library
In a coffee shop
I opened my notebook
Let the sun ooze on my back
I took time off to busy myself

Watch me be bigger than this
Watch me survive
Watch me escape the clouds this time

I get it
I wish didn't get it like I do
But I do
It is not the mania or depression that most thistles my nerves
I will grow wings
I will burn if I have to
The ups and downs are painful but predictable
I am too euphoric or too drowned in worry/tears be dangerous
I think
Do not worry about me then
(Do not listen to me now)

It is the times
Just before the slip into sinking
When I have energy enough
When I am creative enough
Hopeless and sleepless enough to believe the voice in my head
That bitch was never my friend
But she is convincing as fuck
She will fool you too

See how pretty I am
See how together I am
Hear all this confidence in my voice
Watch my hand on my hip
How I got my shit together
Ask me how I'm doin'
I will fall into my together
Quicker than your last Twitter post

That bitch will fool you too

Aint that what you said
I just saw him at the movies
With friends and popcorn
A hot dog and smiles
And now he is gone

I sat next to her at the poetry reading
We laughed at the same lines
I looked into her eyes
I know she was fine
And now she is gone

That bitch fools

We hold our secrets close as boiling water
We need love
We need ears
We need shoulders
We need a couch
We need eyes
Some something to balance the chemicals
Bouncing back and up
Forth and around

Remember when I fractured my skull
Climbing too high
Playing unsupervised
Remember when I broke my leg
Twisted it at tennis
Remember a hospital was the obvious choice
Remember you did not scribble a scripture for me to read and be healed
Remember the space there was to pray in the exam room
This is not different
This is not easier
This is not sleep on it

Give him your hands
Give her your space
Offer your trust and mean it

Why do you have to see blood
To believe

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