A poem a day for 2013 - day 221 - Awake

Yesterday was the worst and the best

It was sinking and brain crashing

It happens 

It seems to be the cycle of my regular

Sky ups and I am wide arms and fingers spread

I am love and every way of happy

I was not every way of happy yesterday

I was afraid

I was tears

I was not this again

Paranoid 

Lost

I was heart crumble and fire

Spin

Drown

I am tired 

Of that kind of way

Of those kind of days

I am thankful still 

For yesterday

For the best

For a long drive with my son

For the laughter he brings to me

For honest chatter

For talks about the whatever

For the 11pm stop at the local taco truck

For the absolute best chicken quesadillas and cinnamon horchatas ever

For the easy that finally landed

I was one of those women

You know

Who could do it on her own

Without the meds who could bypass the downs

I am not one of those women

Not now

I am thankful for clear days like today

Yesterday was not today

I get afraid sometimes

That I will get stuck in one of those downs

My son deserves his mother

I have work to do

Here

On this planet now

I am thankful 

For friends I can call

Who listen and know

Who care and hold space for me

How ever I am