Monday, August 12, 2013

Back again

My mental ups and downs lately, the heights and depths and frequency, have me on enough alarm that I am in the waiting room at Hospital again. I told myself two years ago that I would never be back. I also told myself that I didn't need the medication. So I tossed the pills into the ocean or left them at an airport or something. But right now I do. I need something to even out the wires in my head. So I'm in the waiting room. I'm a bit paranoid. Afraid of being "taken." I'm even enough today. I present well enough in general. I need something to help me sleep. I rarely sleep. Lately, I have been sleeping even less than rarely.

The volunteer just told me that they were going to be calling me soon. It's 4:32pm. Lets see how soon  soon actually is, though I'm in no hurry. I am thankful for iPads and free wifi. And volunteers who come out to give advance notices.

4:36pm. Calling me now.


  1. 4 minutes can last a lifetime.

    i think you should write a book.
    a novel, specifically.
    a novel written in 1st person.

    i feel like i've read your 'you' before,
    in the lives of black characters,
    written by black authors,
    who tell black stories.

    you are a living one (story that is).
    write it. so i can buy it. and read it.

    this is an indirect order,
    as i am, both, bossy and insecure.

  2. i love this order. indirect or not. i hide behind poetry because it is where i am most not so insecure. (although my running man/rodger rabbit skills are boss, son). i have started and stopped a novel a kagillion times. its what i most want to produce. a novel about this journey of mental health. like we are arent on one. for now i work it out here in this space.