Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Freewriting.

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. day! It's 10:38 and I'm enjoying the night. Just freewriting. Just blah blah blahing on my blog. Watching the show Scouted about model scouts who "find" young women and see if they have what it takes to be represented by some agency. So far it's a good show. This entry is about nothiing. Really. Nothing. Not even about Martin Luther King on his day. I had crazy fibroid cramps and bleeding today. The doctor said that this would happen. I'm glad I'm going through the process of finally getting rid of them. Blah blah blah. Why do I talk about this whole fibroid process? Well, because I have a voice and other women, soooooo many other women are going through it and maybe just one other woman won't feel like she is alone in how she is feeling or what she is going through. You can google and research all you want about what fibroids are and what happens and how they feel, but hearing about the cramping and mental and physical pain is something else from someone who is experiencing them. And yeah, the mental shit is something. Looking into a toilet and seeing huge chucks of whatever it is whatever they are floating around is strange. Like, this was in my body? The doctor said that the tumors get big and then die and break off and that's what the chunks are. Big? Die? Break off?

Blah blah blah. I didn't expect to say any of that. But that's the thing about writing. That's the thing about allowing yourself to release and let go. Thoughts come out that you are holding onto that you may not feel are as much at the forefront of your mind as you thought they were. Or maybe I should just speak for myself.

It felt good tonight talking to my mother and telling her about how I'm feeling. Truly. It felt good just speaking and knowing she was hearing me. Hearing me without trying to fix it. Not like she could fix it but...you know. I didn't feel the need to mask the bad feelings. When I'm up and say it, when I'm down I say it. Thank God for writing, for prayer, for family, friends. Thank God for Love. Thank God for the journey. Thank God for God.

It's 11:06 now and I think I'm going to wrap it up for the night. Gonna relax, and by relax I mean curl up and watch Criminal Minds or some other police drama, then pray, speak kindly to myself, and go to bed. I love yall. I do.