Hospital night free write

11:24pm. Hospital with my mother. And sometimes what there is to do is sit and let the night fall and let the quiet be. And if she wants to listen to gospel music about Sweet Jesus and healing and hands clapping and organ playing then that is what I want too. These four walls have us tonight. These white walls with baby blue trim with O Mary don't you weep bouncing off of them have us by the hopes. These walls know we need their permission to breathe and sneeze and be. I don't know how to sit and watch my mother fight for comfortable position each night with mask blowing oxygen into nose, down to her lungs. I will breathe for you, Mother! You can have my breath! I want to scream to her and to the walls. Just make it how it was. Just get up and breathe deeply and exhale and run and I will walk with you every day. I am not too busy. And I am hopeful and afraid and prayerful and ready for us to pack her things and go home to her bed. I am ready to sit with her in her living room.

The spirit of the Lord is here
The power of the Lord is here
I feel it in the atmosphere
(drums, clap clap)

The spirit of the Lord is here
The spirit of the Lord is here
I feel it in the atmosphere
The power of the Lord is here
The power of the Lord is here
I feel it in the atmosphere

The presence of the Lord is here
The presence of the Lord is here
I feel it in the atmosphere

That is the song playing right now. She is resting and there is power in prayer and music and hands clapping.

Dear God, fix this. Fix all of this.