Work. Deja. Sleep.

Thursday, January 31, 2019 9:30pm
Long Beach. Sister's.

I worked with one of my clients in Inglewood today. The call came last night while I was already in Long Beach for my niece's game (they won by the way!) I missed my client and she missed me. She wanted to pack to go home like she always does. She said she's going to heaven and I guess she wants to take a few of her things with her. I'm not going to be the one to tell her that it doesn't work that way.

I'm at my sister's again tonight because I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow. I'm about to turn in now.

Love yourselves.

Pomona. Gratitude.

Sunday, January 27, 2019 8:39pm. Pomona. Home.

I'm in a space of thanksgiving tonight. I'm thankful that Uraeus and I are alive and well and together. I'm not worried about him. Well, except for the things I usually worry about him about. Him being safe and healthy. I'm thankful I'm taking him to a job interview tomorrow. I have a meeting after that but then I head to USC to my CLI class. I'm going to remain thankful for as long as I can.

I hope you're thankful too.

Heartbreaking

Seven Bridges died by suicide
Seven Bridges is not here
Seven Bridges is not playing video games
Seven Bridges is dead
Say all of that three times fast

What does a ten year old boy know about suicide
What do other ten year old boys and girls know about bullying a boy to death
Seven Bridges was sick to death of words that are not supposed to hurt
Somebody lied

This is why I can't believe in writer's block
Because our babies are dying this way
What more of a prompt could we need

V

Friday, January 26, 2019 11:53pm. Pomona. Home.

"In this moment I'm glad I'm a poet." V. Kali said Wednesday night at The World Stage.

Pomona. Phone. Sage's mom.

Thursday, January 24, 2019 6:20pm. Pomona. Home.

Yay, my phone is back on! I got it on Tuesday but am just now getting around to posting here.

So some bad news, some folks stole some things out of my car Monday night. I found out Tuesday morning as I was on my way to a job interview. They took everything in my glove box and app the papers to inside of my doors. Took some books I was reading, my favorite tote bag. They tried to take my spare tire. Some photos, my son's social security card. A whole lotta stuff. I'm filing a police report for online.

The good news is they didn't come into the house. We were both home while they were out front. I'm thankful. Hopefully it never happens again.

In other news, Red Stories last Sunday was really good. Peter J. Harris and his daughter, Adenike we the guests. It was out in Long Beach. In addition to the conversation being good that night the moon was blood red! Exciting.

Yesterday at the stage was really good too! I'll be floating on air for the next few days because Peter J. Harris wrote and read a poem for me! Loved it!

Oh, I found out Sage's mom passed away this week. I'm keeping him in my prayers and am about to give him a call now.

Love

R. Kelly. Red Table Talk. Comments.

9:05pm

Reading the comments people posted about the woman in the Surviving R. Kelly documentary. Jada Pinkett Smith featured her on Red Table Talk and the comments are so mean. Most of them coming from black women. Talking about she's only coming out because he stopped paying her and she should just get over it. We can be so cruel to each other. And we wonder why women wait to come out, if we ever do at all. R. has been having sex with young girls for a long time and we all knew it but because we liked his music we let it go.

I'm sorry this happened to those women. I'm sorry he was abused by a family member when he was growing up. I'm sorry the world is the way it is. Without compassion. We don't care about each other. If we did we would treat each other differently.

I believe the women. And I believe we have to do better by each other. There are grown women falling for the same tricks R. has been pulling on these girls and we expect girls to pros at handling these games. There is a woman or girl, a man or boy in this situation right now. Being sexually abused and not knowing how to leave or who to talk to. Be a soft place to land for somebody.

Pomona. DJ Quick. Birthday.

Friday, January 18, 2019 7:48pm. Pomona. Home.

Shout out to DJ Quik on his birthday! One of my favorite rappers.

I had a pretty easy day. I had to run an errand in L.A. But L.A. is not a quick trip from Pomona so I was out for a bit.  I'm looking forward to Red Stories on Sunday and the red moon that's supposed to be happening that night.

I wanted to sit down and write today but that didn't happen. My phone will be off tomorrow because rent was more important and I couldn't do both. So maybe I'll be able to write without the distraction of Facebook. It won't be off long because I need my phone and I'm getting money soon.

So I'm going to jump off here and promote some more for Red Stories. I hope you can make it.

Love yourselves.

Red Stories. Peter. Ade.

Red Stories is this Sunday, January 20 at 7pm. Special guests are Peter J. Harris and his daughter Adenike Harris. Joining them in conversation is Dr. Donny Jackson.

The show will be at 4115 N. Viking Way, Long Beach, CA 90808. Great food, great vibes.

Sun

God always provides.
God is always faithful.
Things always seem better in the morning.

Haikus

I just want someone
To talk to. Maybe hold me
If I get too cold. 


Brain goes suicide
To happy thoughts in just a
Small piece of the clock.

Uraeus

At first glance my son looks like his father
The beautiful deep chocolate skin
His walk
Way he holds his body tight

But later you see I am in there
His eyes dark and almond
His long piano fingers and nailbeds
That curious look on his face
Even when there is no question
He is surely my son
Our son
His son
Whose is he anyway

He is God's son
He belongs to himself
He belongs to the sun
This is his life to mold like clay
Like sand
Like water

What a blessing it has been watching him grow
Into this man before me now

Where will he take that body that grew inside of me
What will he think of the world we are leaving him

I wonder
I wonder

Pomona. Early. Deon.

Thursday, January 17, 2019 7:43am. Pomona. Home.

Up early this morning. I got a text from a friend then a video chat call from my cousin Deon. He's doing well.

I spent so much time last night thinking of haikus and other poems and now I can't remember them. Maybe because they weren't that good. I do plan to post some work today. Good or not. Let's hope it's good.

Talk to you later on.

Uraeus. Stage. Shakira.

Wednesday, January 16, 2019 11:22pm. Pomona. Home.

Tonight Uraeus went with me to The World Stage. It was CLI night and Shakira Peterson released her book. It was a great feature.

I need to be sleep now. Plans tomorrow.

I hope you're well.

Pomona. Valerie Bridgeman. Birthday.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019 9:24pm. Pomona. Home.

Happy birthday to my wonderful aunt, Rev. Dr. Valerie Bridgeman. I love you deep and wide. I know for sure that the world is better because you're in it.

I wish you all the good and mushy things. May someone make you feel as special as you are. May work flow well
Money flow well. May blessings flood you like rain this year.

I love you!

USC. Meeting. Home.

Monday, January 14, 2019 4:22pm. Los Angeles. USC.

I had an early meeting so I'm at the campus early. Making phone calls and getting ready for class. I'm teaching tonight because the instructor has bronchitis. Hopefully we will have a good class.

Home is going ok. Uraeus and I want to be back in L.A. though. Pomona is a little far. We are hanging in there for now though.

About last night. I was with a beautiful collection of artists in Glendale. We had a good time sharing art and ideas. I wanted Uraues to go with me but he changed his mind. He did tell me he might go to Red Stories though. We will see.

Let me make some more calls before I have to go in class.

Love yourselves.

Feature. Spellcast. Jewels.

Saturday, January 12, 2018 11:58pm. Pomona. Home.

I featured tonight at Spellcast. It was a good show. Jewels Dagod was the other feature. He was good.

It's cold in here tonight.  I'm about to take my meds and knock out.

Love yourselves.

Pomona. Inside. Show.

Friday, January 11, 2019 4:08pm. Pomona. Home.

I've been inside all day. I have a show tomorrow in L.A. so I was going over some of what I want to share. Also I got a call to interview for a job so that's good. Hopefully that comes through soon. Not much to say today but I hope you're well.

Haikus

Busying my mind
With numbers and prayers makes the
Morning come quicker



Giving myself a
Break with a long shower makes
Life much easier



Going to bed now
I took my medication
Now it's time to sleep

Pomona. Gratitude. Feature.

Thursday, January 10, 2019 6:34pm. Pomona. Home. 

I'm thankful that Uraeus and I woke up this morning. Not too much excitement today. Thankfully I paid my storage bill.
Now to get rent handled on Tuesday. God is faithful.

I'm looking forward to Red Stories coming up on the 20th. Peter J. Harris and his daughter, Adenike Harris are the features. They have a special and really sensitive story. I won't say much about it until after the show.

I have a feature this Saturday at Spellcast. I've never been to that show before. I think it will be nice.

I might have some haikus in me to post later but I'm out for now.

Deja. Basketball.

Congratulations to my niece, Deja Williams and the Long Beach Poly basketball girls for defeating Millikan High School tonight! I'm proud of all of you!

Kiss

Kiss that boy, girl
Kiss that girl, girl
Let that poem find you
Find you wailing
Find you on your knees
Find you on your feet
Find you exploring your body with your own hands first, girl

Girl, you ain't nothing but a song
A good long drawn out cornbread dipped in bittermilk song
Girl, you precious as a butterfly
You trying to hide all them colors
What you doing, girl

Ain't nobody coming to save your soul
You better pray for yourself first
You better buy you a dress and hope it fit right
Pink dress
Red dress
Yellow dress
Black tap shoes
You better spin, girl
That dress better twirl, girl

Ain't nobody playing but the devil, girl
Better find you a groove
Better get you a life
This ain't in no book, girl
Mama can't teach you this, girl

You better clean that house
Better take them pills
Better sit in front of that doctor and tell her what you got to say, girl

Girl, you better keep it real
You better pay your bills, girl
Bet not fall behind on your rent, girl
Landlord kick you out

You be a mess, girl
A straight up piece of work, girl

Old man loving you long as he get some
Loving coming don't be no fool twice girl

Girl, you better wipe your mouth
Better open your legs
Better close those legs
Girl, you sucking dick yet
Girl, you better please yourself
When you making babies
Ain't you a woman, girl

Live

Sometimes I write a new poem
Then hold it next to my body
I need to feel the ink against
My itching skin

Need to feel the paper cool and smooth
Across my breasts
See the lines circle my belly button

Most of my poems exist only in my head
But some of them have to live in the world they tell me
Live in the world

Angel

Good morning, Angel

You may never read this
But should by some miracle you do
I want you to know I am thinking of you

I heard that you were transferred to another facility
I hope it is a good one
Are there good ones
I'm losing hope
For your sake I will hang on

I hope you continue to write
There are so many words and stories in your body
Please keep writing
Please keep expressing yourself
Please keep knowing that although we may never meet I am still rooting for you to win

Pomona. Safe. Meds.

7:17pm. Pomona. Home.

Glad I made it home safely. One thing about a long ride home is that I have time to think of some good stories. Also have time to get some nerves and mood swings and junk out my vibe. I did that tonight.

Now that I'm here I need to take these meds and do some more Red Stories promoting.

Be well.

Doctor. Pharmacy. Dose.

Tuesday, December 8, 2019 3:58pm. Los Angeles. Pharmacy.

Just left my doctor and now I'm at the pharmacy to pick up my meds. My doctor told me that I need to be on a stronger dose of lithium but the pharmacy told me that that dose is not covered by my insurance. Gonna pray this works out.

Cyntonia. Let go. August.

Cyntonia Brown is going to be released from prison in August!!! This is good news but I wish she were being released today. She's been in since she was 16 and she's 30 now. She was being sex trafficked and killed the man raping her. If she were a white girl she wouldn't have served a day. But I'm going to be thankful for August.

Long Beach. Class. Elizabeth Acevedo.

9:56pm. Long Beach. Sister's.

I'm staying in Long Beach tonight because I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow. If I go all the way back home I don't think I'll make it.

Class was good tonight.

Oh, I read THE POET X by Elizabeth Acevedo yesterday. It was a good book. It was a novel written in the form of poetry. She even gave a shout out to a friend of mine in her acknowledgments section. Her name Mahagony Browne.

Gonna take my meds and get some rest.

New year

The first day of the year
We go to Miss Connie's house
For dinner, for games, for Netflix
For drinks, to laugh and meet up again
Most of us have not seen each other
Since last year this time

Miss Connie cooks everything we like
To eat. She has gumbo with giant crab legs.
I don't know how to crack them and I think that's just too much work for a meal.
She has black eyed peas because every black family knows you have to have black eyed peas on January 1 for good luck throughout the year.
She has greens. I think my sister made those. She has cakes and all sorts of drinks. Most people are drinking Miss Connie's sweet tea but I am having wassil with E&J. Wassil is just hot apple cider.

This year Renea has her young niece Zuri, 5 and nephew Josiah, 10 with her. They are beautiful children. Zuri is the color of dark chocolate with amazing hige eyes and thick dark eyebrows that come together like Frida Khalo's. Josiah is the smart boy. Probably the smartest in his class. He likes to talk and read books about animals. "Do you know how many bones are in a giraffe's neck?" I don't. By the fourth question he tells me I have a lot to learn. He is right.

Josiah had to take a Benadryl because he had some banana pudding and his tongue got all itchy and tingly. We found out that he is allergic to bananas.

"Do you know what I can do that you can't I ask him.
"What?"
"Eat banana pudding." I laughed because I'm petty.

After we eat and sometimes during, we play games. We always get too loud. This year Migena gave Uraeus a psychic reading in her room and Miss Connie said she was practicing witchcraft.

Then a group of us gathered in the living room and Miss Connie talked about the youth Bible retreat and how one night Jaylen, 15 was defending R. Kelly.

"Defending him?" I asked.

"Yep."

She said he said that no woman would just like there and get peed on unless she wanted it. Some of the adults agreed. This is the world today. This is what we teach our boys about women.

Then Miss Connie wants to know why nobody ate the chocolate cake and why is there still macaroni and cheese and potato salad and chicken and who is going to take what home.

These are good problems
Too much food
We leave with our take away
Loving on each other
And hope that we will see each other again
This time next year

Early. Class. Red Stories.

Monday, December 7, 2019 3:26pm. Los Angeles. USC.

I'm early for class today and had to get a new phone. I have a staff meeting in a couple of hours. I'm not used to this phone yet. But I'm glad I have it. I need to start promoting for Red Stories.

I hope you're well.

New year. Pomona.

Tuesday, January 1, 2019 12:34pm. Pomona. Town Center parking lot.

Happy new year to you all! I'm thankful to be alive and thankful you are too! I'm sitting in the parking lot as Uraeus is in the store right now. I woke up with a sweet memory this morning. I don't know why I thought about this but who knows why certain thoughts pop into our heads. I remember when I was a little girl when we were at my paternal grandparents house in Little Rock, CA for Easter the girls would get purses. Sometimes they were new and sometimes they were passed down from my aunts or grandmother. The most exciting thing about getting an Easter purse was going around the house looking for things to pit in it. A brush, comb, socks, snacks, game cards, whatever.

Looking back, what was so beautiful about that was that we had no already baggage. We actually had to look for things to carry around and we could make our load as light or heavy as we wanted.

Today our lives are filled with stuff. With already baggage. Our purses are stuffed with bills and phones and makeup and books and all the other things that we need on a daily basis. I miss small barely filled purses. I miss carrying a purse because I thought it made me look grown up and not because I have to carry this stuff. Which leads me to another thought. How much stuff, literally and figuratively am I walking around with that I could easily just put down? I complain about a heavy load but how much stuff am I choosing to carry?

What about you? Are you carrying weight that you don't want and don't need? Well I'm going through my bag today. My bag and my life and unloading. I hope you get some weight off too.

Love yourselves.