Sunday Stories (18)

Today self care was me painting. One piece after the next. Self care was drinking tea. Cup after cup. I ate soup. I drank more tea and painted more. Watched some Law & Order. Cleaned a bit. Ate some fries. Then let myself relax. Let my shoulders fall. Breathed deeply. I even whispered kind words to myself.

Sometimes I forget that there can be days without a fire. Real or imagined. Same thing anyway. There can be minutes, hours, whole days in a row without the heavy pressing of some thing sound off my brain alerts. I can be okay. And that's okay.

One night a long time ago, my partner at the time and I had friends over who stayed the night. The next morning a sister said good morning as she made her way to the bathroom. My then partner and his friend started laughing. I didn't get what was funny and so I inquired. "Good morning? Good morning?" He asked. I still didn't get it. "Children in Africa starving but, good morning. Innocent Black men in prison but, good morning." He and his friend went back and forth about the horrible things happening to Black people but, good morning. I didn't have time for it (and not much later didn't have time for him and his too Black too strong friends either) and left the room.

But you know, yes, even with everything going on in the world. With horrible things happening to Black people and everyone else too, good morning. And good afternoon. And evening. And good night. We can be okay and woke. Back then we weren't woke, we were conscious. But were we? Were we connected to joy within us? To peace (even when real life all around seems hard)? To ease? To the rhythm of our breath?

Well, the world ain't that much better today. But you know what? I had a good day. I needed this good day with these good thoughts. And I hope to have one tomorrow too. And maybe there will be moments when I am stuck in the murkiness of this world but I pray that I have enough reach inside me to climb on out and smile at my reflection in the mirror. Or at the sun, or some song, or something. It's getting late and I am about to crawl in this good bed and hopefully have a few pleasant dreams. Good night, y'all. Really, have a good night.