Teaching. Jordan's. Palmdale.

It's 9:29 am and I am sitting in my car across the street from school. I just finished teaching my first period class and now I'm waiting for fourth period. Class was easy because it was lab day. They are working on the rough draft of their poems. Their is a senior assembly fourth period so I won't have much time with them.

There is a store on Melrose Ave where they buy gently used Jordan's. My nephew asked me to take in a pair of his shoes. His strict instructions to me were to walk away if they offer less than $80. Shoes cost so much. I'm so thankful Uraeus was never into Jordan's. It's only 9:40 and the stores don't open until 10 so I'm chillin' with KDAY until then or maybe I'll just go after fourth period.

Hopefully the poem for today will come to me. I need to be reading more. Hiram lent me a collection of short stories by Jhumpa Lahiri called Interpreter of Maladies. I think it's her first. She's the subject of the lesson I'm teaching at CLI this Monday and I've only read one story so far. Gonna get on it though.

I'm going to Palmdale tomorrow to shoot my cousin's prom party. Sage is lending me his camera because mine is in the pawn shop right now. Hey, it happens. But thank God for good friends who are willing to lend cameras.

1:09. Home.

Got the camera from Sage. He also gave me the gift of a large canvas to paint on. I need to get back to painting and this just might be the inspiration I need.

I still haven't thought of the poem I'm going to write today. It'll come. It always does. I just hope I like this one.

I made the appointment for Uraeus to see the doctor today. His knee has been bothering him. Thankfully they had an opening today.

7:29. Home.

Ready to get this poem out.

Dear Jaha

Get off of Facebook and go to sleep. Love you.

Gratitude

I am thankful for this day
For waking up in good health
I am thankful for Uraeus
For his health and happiness
I am thankful for my family
For my friends
For food and shelter
Love and forgiveness
I am thankful for ease and breath
For medication and doctors
For a good nap and places to go
I am thankful for poetry and stories
For fun and thanksgiving

Reuben. Early class. Writing.

It's 11:07 pm and I am back home. I went to my nephew's basketball banquet. It was a beautiful experience. I enjoyed seeing him sitting up there looking all grown. He received the scholars award for getting a 3.8 this semester.

I should be asleep by now. I have to teach a first period class tomorrow. Actually first and fourth periods. I'm pretty wired awake. We were sitting right underneath the air conditioner in the restaurant and so I had some coffee to stay warm. I'm wired. Coffee and more than my share of chocolate candy at the table. Writing helps me settle down. I'm about to try to get some sleep now. Night all.

Napowrimo day 6 of 30 - Breeze

My father
Is the breeze across my face
Reminding me that he is still
Walking with me
That he knows
When I am happy
My bad days
When I am low on medication
When I don't have to words to say
To fill a prayer

I feel him
I feel him
Cool on my scalp
Whisper in my ear
"Keep going"
He says
"Keep going"
I listen

Starbucks. Car wash. Posting poems.

It's 3:29 pm and I am at home. I took Uraeus to school this morning, went to Starbucks and got the car washed. Other than that I've been home all day. I needed the rest. Plenty of rest is needed for the anxiety but not too much. Too much is bad for the depression. Anyway, I'm up now. I'm going to Reuben's basketball banquet tonight. I'm proud of my nephew. It's in Long Beach and the family is going and I love family outings.

I need to post my poem for napowrimo today. I don't like the poem I'm about to post. In fact, I haven't liked any of them I've posted since the month started. I'm being patient with myself, there are plenty more days to go. Time for me to jump in the shower.

Napowrimo day 5 of 30 - A boy a cat a walk to school

I was nine, my sister five and we were walking up Delta Ave. to John Muir Elementary School
We had barely crossed the street from our home when we saw a boy my age holding a cat by the neck
Squeezing harder and harder
We saw the cat's eyes get bigger and bigger like soon they would pop out of the sockets
We were frozen, my sister and I
Suddenly the boy slammed the cat on the ground
The cat sprang away so fast like it was never there
But it was there
That did happen

I think about that boy from time to time
I wonder if he remembers that day
Like who could forget
I wonder what kind of hurt did he have to hurt a cat and scare two girls like that
A cat
A cat
What kind of fun
What kind of a game
What kind of pain

I have hope though
That the boy who almost killed a cat in front of my sister and me
Has somehow adjusted well in the world
That he has healed from his own pain and is
Love in the world
That he has a lover and maybe some children
That he has forgiven himself and others who hurt him
I have hope though
That he can see a small animal and pet
Just pet

Napowrimo day 4 of 30 - You

If I had a blank canvas I would draw you
Paint your face red with brown ears
Put flowers in your hands outstretched to me
I would paint you
I would paint you
And you would know why I care for you like I do
Would paint a blue sky above your head
Green grass as your feet
Paint you in blue jeans and dashiki and sandals
Paint poems falling out your mouth
Would you recognize yourself on my canvas
Would you know your lips and eyes

I would paint a bridge in the background
You could run to me and I would meet you in the middle
Somewhere in the middle

I would paint you bigger than you are in my dreams
You would have everything you need
Everything you need

If I had a blank canvas I would paint a picture of you
Sketch the outline first in charcoal or pencil
Something temporary
Cause nothing lasts forever
Then paint
In red and blue and green
Red and blue and green

Napowrimo day 3 of 30 - Dear Uraeus

You are my favorite song
Hum your licorice skin when the noise in my head is too great
You are a river
Water rushing to and fro
My son you are snow
Falling easy in the quiet of the evening
You are peace
The stillness before storm
You are not alone
The ancestors hold your head
The sun follows your back
Flowers your feet
You are love
My love

Dear Helen

You told me from time to time you "stalk" my blog. Well hopefully you come across this note to you from me. You were great at the youth slam yesterday. I was so proud of you! Thank you for being what poetry needs right now. For being honest and brave and bold. I look forward to hearing more from you when you return from Brave New Voices. Have a ball in Washington, D.C. this year.
Big hugs,
Jaha

Napowrimo day 2 of 30 - Gratitude

I know a blessing when I see one
My hands and feet
This heart that beats
This body these eyes these lashes
My nose and neck
My back and legs
All gifts I am forever grateful
For arms and smell
For the little voice inside that reminds me to pray
To give thanks for lips and lungs
I am thankful
For my mind and memories
For my life my liberty
For happiness and hands
For shoulders
For stories and secrets
I am thankful for thankful

Napowrimo day 1 of 30 - Easy

I hold this peace like blossom
Like egg, like bubble
Walk softly for it blows away
This happiness
This smile cross my face
Nothing lasts forever
This easy breathing
This breeze through my hair
I am happy now
Now
Now
I hold onto this feeling like
Wet grass on my toes
I will not worry it away
Will not put up with sadness coming before her time
I will swim in this
This feel
This smell
This touch
This this
This time