Walk. Beach. Hope.

It's 6:03pm and I am at home. I went for a walk today on the beach. I didn't stay long. Long enough for it to do my head some good though. Picked up my meds after the beach and now I'm back home. Thinking about starting a new collection of short stories. Maybe. My head is so clear I have all these ideas. I hope I stay this way for a while.

Love yourselves.

Dwaine

Tchsie. Gas. Chat.

It's 4:01pm and I am at home. I went to the store and then to get gas for tonight. I ran into Tchsie at the gas station and we woman chatted for a moment. I rushed home for my phone meeting only to get a text that it's being rescheduled. It happens. I have a meeting tonight at the Primerica office. Uraeus's last class ends at 9:50. I texted him to let him know that I can pick him up but he hasn't responded yet. Hopefully soon. I'm going to sneak in some study time for this test coming up scarily soon.

Love yourselves.

Uraeus. Hugs. Magic.

Uraeus and I have very special quiet moments. Sometimes, like today, he will get up and come and give me and hug and his hair falls all over my head and it is seriously the best feeling ever. I so love him and love that he loves me right back.

New York. Insurance. Hands.

It's 4:49pm and I am at home. Today I am preparing for a phone meeting in the morning. I'm doing a theatre project in New York in December and we are finally on the final drafts of the script. Also I have more studying to do for the life insurance test. I really hope I pass. I'll be in all day today except for the water run I may do some time tonight.

I'm in a hopeful space today which is an improvement from where I was. Geez my hands keep shaking. My fingers are sliding all around this keyboard. They do that from time to time. It may be the meds. Who knows? I'm not going to let it steal what piece of joy I have.

Anyway, back to script editing and studying.

Love yourselves.

Insurance. Job news. Meds.

It's 8:11pm and I am at home. I spent most of the day studying for my life insurance test scheduled for next week. That's what I've got going now. My old job sent me a text saying that I could have my old schools and same classes but at half the rate! Who can do that? Had something to do with budget cuts. All I know is I needed two other jobs on top of that one to work there. I can't possibly do all that work for half my salary. It came at an ok time because I was really blessed at the last WP and was able to pay my rent for four months. I have to start paying again next month. Hopefully I pass this test and start making some money.  So that's my story. In the meantime I'm thanking God for everything I think I need.

So I've already taken my meds and am ready to go to bed. I have a training meeting in the morning. Glad about that because I need something to pull me out of this apartment.

Anyway, love yourselves.

Bipolar. Rollar. Coaster.

The thing about living with this illness called bipolar is the roller coaster. Up, up, up, up then down, up, down, down, down. I'm always afraid I'm going to get stuck in the down. I'm afraid of getting so down that I hurt myself. I don't say that everywhere, but I will tell you. Honestly I don't think I will ever hurt myself because I value my life and my son's life and feelings too much. But I won't say I don't get down like that because I do. How am I today? I'm worried about a few things that money will handle but for the most part I'm cool. I'm hanging in there. That's my most honest answer. I'm hanging in there. I'm prayerful. I'm faithful. I'm hopeful. I'm all of this and sometimes I'm also afraid. That's me.  That's how I am.

Chas was telling me that I should move this journal over to Tumblr because it would get more viewers. I'm not in it for the viewers though. I just want someplace I can be open and free. If I wanted viewers I would post this stuff on Facebook. I don't need a bunch of people commenting on my life. Though I don't mind the few comments I get here. Is that strange?

It's not good for me to be in bed for too long. I was in bed a long time today so tomorrow I have to get up and get to work. I wish you all a lovely day tomorrow. I'm praying for one myself.

Love yourselves.

Grocery shopping. Cloudy. Feature.

It's 8:44pm and I am at home. Other than taking Uraeus to school and going grocery shopping I've been home all day. I needed it. My head is getting cloudy and I'm starting to worry about stuff. I needed some me time today. I don't know what good it did though. But I took time for myself.

Last night I had a good time featuring at The World Stage. That's my home venue and I always have a good time reading there. Many people came out. Even the workshop was really good.

I don't know why I'm tired but I am. Going to take my meds and call it a night.

Love yourselves.

Feature

I'm featuring at The World Stage tonight at 7:30. 4321 Degnan Ave. Los Angeles, CA.

Breathe

Uraeus is home. He doesn't understand that I don't fully exhale until he's home. How can he not understand?

Primerica. Uraeus. Penmanship.

It's 6:52pm and I am in front of the Primerica office. The meeting doesn't start until 7:15 but I need to meet with Nyki after this meeting and wanted to get here early to get these photos straight. As it turns out the flash drive I bought doesn't have enough memory. Shoot! That's what I get for being cheap.

I'm sitting here thinking about Uraeus not getting out of class until 9:50. I know he's "grown" but I still don't like him on the bus that late. I would usually pick him up but I can't do it today. Jesus be a fence around my young adult.

As I'm writing in this notebook I'm noticing how sloppy my handwriting has gotten. I used to have such beautiful penmanship. I don't know what happened. Anyway, it's time to take me and my poor writing into this meeting.

Love yourselves

Gratitude

I am thankful for this day
Thankful that Uraeus and I woke up this morning
I am thankful for my friends and family
For food and shelter
For my vehicle that runs so well
I am thankful for love and peace and guidance
That the clouds have not swallowed me
I am thankful for being still in this moment