Sunday, September 30, 2012

Oh Sunday! I love you!

Good afternoon, family! It's Sunday at 12:34 and I'm at home loving this day! I feel energetic and happy. I am thankful today for my life and those I share my life with. Thankful for love, companionship, friends, family, art, poetry. Ahh, it's been a lovely weekend.

My meeting with my new mural client went really well. I showed her quiet a few samples of my work since she has only seen one mural I've ever done. She loved this one:

Except she wants it in the male version, without the breasts. Also the man is gonna be to the left of the wall and there will be a scripture painted in cursive to the right from the top of the wall to the bottom. Looking forward to it.

I went to the Watts drum festival yesterday and had a ball and bought a fabulous hat! Yep! A big one! Saw great friends and had a great seat at the Vibrations table to people watch from. Saw the lovely Reverdia and got the best hug.

After the festival Korlah and I went to see Kat perform at Tales by the Sea at Ann's out in Malibu. O how I love Tales by the Sea. It's a story telling show that she produces. I love it everytime I'm there and have performed at a few myself.

And today is Red Stories Day! Yay! The features today are George McDonald and Judy Holiday. Yep. It's gon be on! Come by if you're available. It's at 2435 Manchester Blvd., Inglewood, CA 90305 at 7:30. Hope you can make it. Oh, free admission. See! You wanna be there. You do.

It's time for me to get up and out into the world today. Enjoy yourselves today. I intend to.

Saturday, September 29, 2012


I need laughter
Even more than I need
To sex to pee
Need wings feathering inside my stomach
Tickle my throat
Make my belly shake

Sound escape my mouth
Land on lilies an' say
Don't you like smiling too

Happy Saturday

Good morning all! It's 6:24 on this wonderful Saturday. Feeling great and ready for the day. Meeting this morning then Tales by the Sea tonight at Ann's. Kat will be one of the features tonight and it will be great seeing her on that show. Tales is always an enlightening evening. I'll let you know. I always do.

Enjoy your day. I intend to.

Grown free

Do you have any idea where you lost it
The longing to play again
Build mud pies and give them to girl
Wear bright colors and funny shoes
Lip kiss outside
Touch butt under sun without regard
So what the neighbors

Don't lose hold of all that man you have become
Sunday pedicures just for fun
A grown ass man never has to announce his presence
We know

Do I remind you of someone
A cheerleader you used to chase
A secretary you dared to call
A vision you almost reached
A fuck you couldn't release

We can play strangers
If you want
If that makes it easier to talk
Tell me the worry in your tongue
Untangle the gargle of your vowels
The cough in your consonants

And just tell me, baby
You don't have to keep it interesting
I can keep up all on my own

When did it all go away
The want for dance and scream
For 7 eleven slushies and nipple fondling
Who told you grown meant this
This only bills and beige walls
This linoleum kitchen and shower doors

Who said you couldn't play

Friday, September 28, 2012

Dear Bridget

Thank you for the conversation today. Thank you for sharing your mother's wisdom on roller coasters and merry go 'rounds. I will never forget that. I so appreciate our friendship. Always the love and laughter. Always the sharing and listening. I wish you light and electricity, passion and girly giggles. Our friendship is gold. I hold it carefully.

Be well and be happy my friend.


I am hungry for the whiplash
My blood wicked from the wind
'Cross my back my feet my knees

I am lost
You make it easy for me to get what I seed

Contour to my make
Transform my safe to your impinge
I am foggy from all this spin
Still there is more to be had
I cannot walk away

Your sun and my homemade
Make the sweetest lemonade
You are thirsty
You dig the way I know

I chiseled through desert ground
To find your putty
Now you gon' act all shy

Cover my eyes and take me somewhere
I wouldn't know without your guide
There is a decision to be made
A forward a back
A pathway to be laid

Wrap me around your simple
I set you free in all my functioning
This can be bliss if we let it
Insane where we want
Let's let it work for us now

There is afterlife to love we create
DNA in songs we made
Manna along the cloud we follow
And there is you
Filling every space I hollow

No homo hatred

I don't believe that there is any such thing as homophobia. There is only homo hatred. I don't like being in the company of people who bash gay people. They always sound ignorant. I don't see how I can be friends with people who hate other people. I know and love so many gay people who I know to be loving, kind, generous spirits. I can't sit quietly and hear people put others down. Not on my watch.

Who is anybody to decide that someone else shouldn't have the same civil rights as everyone else just because of who they choose to sleep with? Why are people so obsessed with the sexual preferences of others? Even people who consider homosexuality sinful are still people who are doing other sinful things. Ok, so someone else's sin is more sinful than yours? I used to attend a church in Atlanta and one day at church the pastor had everyone come into the church and close the doors. He got all dramatic about it too with the whispered preacher voice and all. He demanded that everyone close their eyes and asked everyone who were homosexuals or had homosexual thoughts to raise their hands. "I see your hand. I see your hand." The congregational interrogation went on for over fifteen minutes. In all that time, mind you, there were no hands asked to be raised for those who were cheating on their wives, not paying taxes, beating their children, lying or anything else. It felt like a witch hunt. That or the pastor was looking for a date. I never went back to that church after that.

I really try to show love and patience to homo haters. I do. I have work to do in that area because my friendships with them are always guarded. But I'm working. Working on me. Hope they are working on themselves. And listen, clearly I'm not perfect. I'm sure I do things and have beliefs that don't sit well with others. I know. This topic was just well, on me today. Again, I'm working on myself.

Happy Friday

Hello beautiful people! It's 2:22pm and I am at work. Happy today. Happy just because. Meeting with a mural client tonight and a busy weekend coming up. Plus, Red Stories is this Sunday. Yay! George and Eboni are featured and I'm way excited about that.

I need to get busy writing some more new poems. I'm bored with what I've been performing lately. I've been thinking about releasing a collection of erotica poetry so I think that's what I'll be working on.

Work is easy today. But then work here is never hard. What a blessing it is to work with people I love.

More to come later. Enjoy your day. I will.

Dysonna Art Gallery Exhibit

Thursday, September 27, 2012

A love in progress

We are brick hugs and cotton candy grunts before the let go
Head tilted kisses
Crooked necks
Lips agape
Tongues and fingertips interlocked
Leg cramps and water breaks
This is where real life meets
Peppermint and lily fairy tales

Arms awkward and tingly
Spines twisted into pretty brown bow
Grown folks
On hunter green sheets how we do
Late night TV watching us
We are making this night up in the moment

Speak to me
Through pant, sweat drip and arm flex
Lift me
With story, moan and memory
Remind me late in the God hour
In warm breath whisper and incomplete stutter
How boy you become when I sleep

Use me thoughtfully

I am worried about my position here
Hold me make me safe
I need you to respond when I reach
My giddy gets itchy when it has to wonder
Hide my worry from the boogiemen who lust for my afraid
I am ass on the line
Desperate for your concern
Ready for your rescue

This could be our chance to be who we want to be
Who we are in our dreams
New York tall and Georgia hot
Texas wide and California fire
We deserve this life
Let us plant flag behind bedpost
Grow nation inside these four walls
In this right now

I take care of you easy

You are always there
In my head
Attending my day
Co writing my night

I am liking the magic and movement
Excitement and polish
The details make the difference

There is more than one way to love
I am open for exploration, test drive and trial
Show me the car facts
Ride with me
Front seat this fantasy
In those moments
Those when those thoughts interrupt moments
And dot dot dot

This now love

Falling in love with myself all over
Wrapping myself in airport hugs, lip kisses and daisies
I remember this me
This head tall back strong me
Housing God
These fingers these toes
This heart that flips like fish
At the sound of music and trains and children

Somewhere I gave it away
Gave in to illness and lovers undeserving
And a back and forth that turns me inside out

But this right now me that I remember
Gives in to no thing
Embraces it all
Is ever aware of my connectedness to the One

Greetings family

Hello all. It's 12:07pm and I am at work. I feel like a fish swimming through warm water on a breezy day. Lovely. Celebrating life today. Easy. Thankful for this day. Thankful for the opportunity to love and inspire. Thankful for all of the love in my life. I have some sketching to do for a mural project and I'm looking forward to getting home to doing that. I'm still being easy on myself and that seems to be working. As always, I'm just free writing here. You know I need it to get me on my day.

Enjoy yourselves today. I will.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Yes! A lovely day!

It is 10:56pm and I am at home. Just finished posting some of the photos from the time I spent with Ann today. Ahhhhh Ann! I so love her. I always feel light when I am in her presence and even when I leave. We had a great conversation about stories we nurture and moving on into love. Yes, Ann. Yes.

Our time today was just what I needed. Walking in the water, at time walking arm in arm feeling her energy rush from her to me and then mine leave my body to share space with hers. Really, it sounds all ice cream and bubble gum, but it was like that. I needed every moment of the walk, the talk, the connection.

I am beginning a mural in a woman's home and I got some great ideas today for the project. I knew being with Ann would inspire something. Some new poem, story, painting. Some new something.

I am thankful for this day. Thankful for the time to walk with Ann, the head space and energy. Thankful for my son who said he had a great day today. Thankful for my home and a partner who cares enough about me to remain beautifully, wonderfully, patiently even when I am way up or so far down light is fairy tale. I am thankful for this happiness I am holding in my heart, this light racing in my veins. I am thankful for my friends and family. For this blog and creativity. I am thankful for this quiet moment at 11:08 on this couch. Thankful for a hot shower and peppermint soap and food and love. Grateful for it all right now. At peace in praise because I am .

My walk with Ann in Malibu

Ann Buxie is one of my favorite people on the planet! She is! She is wise and gentle and is a healer with her words and energy. I love her! Today I met with her in Malibu and we walked on the beach. Oh her lovely lessons that come so easily about being connected and love and acceptance. I listened and walked. "You know, Jaha, love is it. It's not easy to live this life, but then you just love and find a way to move past it." And we walked and recognized the connection between us and animals, the water, the sky, all of it. Then we sat on the sand against a wooden wall and continuted to talk and be still and quiet. Thank God for you Ann Buxie. Thank God for you in my life.

New lovely day

Great morning all! It's 6:28 and I am at home feeling great and getting ready for a beautiful busy day. Had prayer and breakfast. Now this free write to really get the day started. I have a wonderful creative day ahead and I am so thankful that I am in a good head space. If there are moments when I'm not I will write about it and breathe through it just as I blogged and doodled my way through the sketchy parts of yesterday. This is a new sun and there are new mercies for me today. So thankful for this day.

Enjoy your day. I will.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Boo yah!

The middle of the day got way sketchy but I'm feeling much better now. Yeah! Enjoy your night.

A response to a friends message that accurately describes my day

Me: Hey how are you?

BU: Gooooooood. Is Red Stories on Saturday? How are you?

Me: No, Red Stories is the last Sunday of the month now. Hope you can make it, George McDonald and Judy Holiday this month! Me? I'm Crazy Sexy Cool (because my life is a TLC album) I'm a bit more Left Eye than I'd like to be today but whatever. It's all good.

Working it out

It's 2:10 right now and I'm at the rehabilation center with my client. Thank God for wifi. Seriously. I'm trying to stay positive today but the truth is that I feel so angry. This is part of it. Part of coming down from the high. The up side of this illness. This thing I'm trying to be bigger than. No one can tell I'm angry but I am. Angry about nothing. Nothing I can explain. I went to Starbucks this morning and burst into tears as I gave the barista my $2.25 for my banana walnut bread. I know I shouldn't have had a banana walnut bread but whatever. Judge yourself.

I'm breathing through it. It's temporary. I'll be back to even soon. I want this old guy sitting across from me to stop looking at me. I want his wife to drink her Ensure quietly. Thankfully my client is easy. She's very easy and so is her family.

This is one of those days I could check into a hotel and just let this feeling pass. I've been documenting my ups and downs for myself and I can see the pattern. I try to prevent it each time but it shows up nonetheless. High high high then sinking sinking sinking then slowly back to even. I keep trying new tricks to stop this train and let's just say, it's a work in progress. I'm a work in progress.

Writing helps. I've said it a million times here and it's true. It does. Maybe something about seeing my thoughts outside of my head instead of swimming around inside makes it a little better. I dunno.

I had a moment today that scared me. I felt like I might need to go back into the hospital. What scared me was that I don't think I'm going to do that. I don't wanna stay overnight. I just need to take some meds to skip this part. This sinking part. But that's not gonna happen. I will have to check in.

I'm breathing through it.

Operation easy today

Good morning all. It's 10:10 and I'm at home getting ready for work. It's a beautiful day outside and right now I'm pretty slow about getting out into it. I'm feeling well and still on a mission to be easy with myself. I need easy today. I got yesterday's message loud and clear that the sinking feeling is on the horizon. I don't know if I can prevent it from coming or not but I can sure prepare myself with loving myself and doing the best I can to create an environment of peace.

Red Stories is coming up on Sunday! Yay! The features for this month are George McDonald and Eboni also known as Judy Holiday. I am looking forward to hearing them. I love them both so much both professionally and artistically. If you're in the Los Angeles area come out and enjoy Red Stories. It's at Vibrations at 2435 Manchester Blvd., Inglewood, CA 90305. It starts at 7:30 and there is no cover.

It's 10:24 right now and I need to get up and get out of here. Enjoy your day today. I sure intend to.