Morning already

Crazy wired up and can't seem to get back to sleep. Not really trying too hard either. So, this is good morning. I'm sitting up in the bed trying to still my mind and breathe. And pray. Trying to think and not think. Visioning and just being. Wishing good thoughts for my son, for the world, for myself. Being easy on myself. I need to walk today. Or swim or something. I need to move. This free write about good morning and what I'm thinking and not thinking and wishing and wanting is good for me.

Free writing is like stretching for me. It's how I let some of the words and thoughts out. How I begin and end my day. What I do in the middle of my day. How I release. How I love myself. Try it. You may find the same thing.

There are things I don't say here. Things I keep in a private journal. No, things I kept in a private journal because I haven't written in my journal in a while. So, the things I don't say here I say in therapy, with friends, to myself in traffic. Or I swallow them and they either pass eventually by turning into no matter words that I release here or they get stuck on the gum I shouldn't have swallowed (or ever chewed in the first place) either.

I have a long day ahead and should close my eyes for a bit. But I won't. I know me. I don't want to go to therapy today. I usually do but today I don't want to. Probably because today I need to. Probably because today I can't say what a great week I had and I would like to. But the probabalys are irrevelant because I'm going anyway. Every time I think about canceling my sessions I quickly shut that thought down because if I start that I will eventually stop going and I know that it's helping me a great deal. I don't have to hide there. I don't feel judged. I don't feel like I'm bothering her with my stories. With my life. I feel gotten, and I need that.

I'm getting up now. Have a great day all. Call someone you're thinking about and express your love, or whatever.