lift hands

shout out to inglewood / for the forty-three days of living in hotels / motels / never holiday inns / for the thousands of dollars spent / for clean towels / for the lead on a new place / pray saints / shout out to saints / for the books that sold / for the paintings folks bought / for the gigs booked / for the class i teach / for the clients i serve / for waking up at four in the morning in prayer and praise and hustle and worry / for the depression that has not crippled me / the mania that has not convinced me to jump off a bridge / shout out to the meds i haven't taken since june because i swallowed a bunch of pills on some fuck it / shout out to god who let me sleep the whole next day / shout out to family who never ask where i am or if i'm eating / fyi i am eating / shout out to good days / when the hotel fees are paid for the week / when law & order and criminal minds marathons are plenty / shout out / shout out / shout out for the new level up / for this me i did not know myself to be / for this alone that has taught me everything / shout out to my son on this journey with me / for his clear head and heavy hustle / for the lessons he has learned / shout out to the voices in my head who sound like ex lovers who fight with me / on the freeways / late at night / in line at the bank / for the hot showers / the clam chowder soup at the vons on hillcrest and manchester / for that good good drive up atm at wells fargo / shout out / shout out / shout out to the bruno's across the street from mcdonald's / shout out to the french toast special with sausage / shout out goddammit for the high stakes / for knowing that we will sleep inside or outside depending on the sales / shout out for always the sales / for the come through in the middle of the night / shout out for sense enough to give thanks to god / shout out to the gratitude log / for the blog / the journals / the doodles in the margins / my toni morrison books in dietra's garage / shout out to homegirls / to dollar stores / to late night texts / to the journey i wouldn't take nothin' for / to this moment / to the days ahead / shout out for being fly and looking like my shit is together / shout out for together / for fly / for love / for the angels and ancestors who know