10 questions from Kim Jones

As a writing project for myself I asked a few people to send me ten questions for me. There were no limits to what they could ask. The harder the questions the better. Any of you can participate. If you would like to, please send ten questions to jahazainabu@gmail.com. These are the questions from Kim. So far I have only answered the first one. The other answers are coming. 

1. Why the name change?
2. What, if anything, has it cost you to be Jaha?
3. What is your lifelong dream?
4. If this world was yours and you could change anything, what would be first?
5. What is your deepest regret?
6. What are you most proud of?
7. What do you want everyone to know about you?
8. What or who inspires you? Why?
9. What is your relationship with Jesus?
10. What is the best thing that ever happened to or for you?

1. Why the name change? 

I have always been looking for a way out of being called Robin Rachael Reed. Mostly I had issues with my middle name. It's pronounced Ra-shell but spelled Rachel. I don't know what it was but I never owned the name. In the sixth grade I went through spelling variations of my first name. Robynne, Robbin, Robinn. I settled on Robyn and that's who I was until about '91. For about a week I was Robbie. When I was at Grambling State University (go Tigers!) in '92 (or was that later in '91?) I was done with all of the variations of Robin and Jaha was born. It wasn't some religious experience. I wanted a name I wanted to answer to. A name I hadn't heard before. I saw the name in a book. It comes from Kenya. It means dignity. I wore Jaha like a sweater and it fit. I have always been Jaha. Always been looking for Jaha inside of Robin. 

In '93 (or was it '92?) I got married. We didn't stay together long. Maybe a year. The relationship was hard on me emotionally. I lived most of it not fully expressing who I was, how I felt, not living into my dream. That wasn't Jaha. There was no dignity in the life I was living. Funny because he was the man I was with when I became Jaha. The very moment. I had the book in my hand while he was with me. 

I didn't want to be Jaha Reed but didn't have a last name. I was just kind of Jaha. Like Cher and Madonna. After we broke up I wanted a last name and found another book of African names. I wanted a name that could have belonged to my ancestors. I knew I would know it when I saw it. Zainabu. Zainabu is a girl's first name also from Kenya. It means beautiful. I never thought I was beautiful. I'm not being down on myself here. I always thought I had a unique look. I was cute enough. I was fly and cool enough. Not beautiful in a standard way though. Whatever that is. But my own kind of beautiful. So...Jaha Zainabu. 

I'm still Robin Reed too though. Not to new people in my life but to some family, old friends, bill collectors and anybody who needs to write me a check. I never went through any period where I asked people to stop calling me Robin. Some people did though and sometimes it was awkward. I knew they were just trying to be respectful but Jaha was different from the Robin they knew. Really though, like I said, I was Jaha all along. Some people are weird about it and make too much of a thing. I have a cousin who literally calls me "Robin, because I just can't get down with the Jaha thing so I'm gonna call you Robin." Like, she says that whole sentence when she could just call me Robin because I never asked her to call me Jaha anyway. It does make me think though. What if I did want everyone to call me Jaha? What if it was that important to me? I feel for my trans friends who are not only called by names they don't choose to go by but are also addressed as genders they don't identify with all because some old friend or family member "can't get down with" their choice for themselves. 

So really, I don't have a problem being called Robin by people who knew me as Robin. I don't like people who I introduced myself to as Jaha finding out my name and calling me Robin. I think they think that makes us closer. Like they know me as family. It doesn't make us closer. In fact, people who do this are usually people I don't dig that much anyway. I dated a guy years ago who found out my name and TOLD me that he was going to call me Robin. NOPE! No you're not! Now, Shihan is a friend I've had for about twenty years and he is the host of a Da Poetry Lounge in Los Angeles and sometimes from the stage he calls me Double R to be funny. I don't mind that. Nobody even knows who he's talking about. Y'all get my point. Oh, and it's not a stage name either. I hate that. My uncle used to introduce me by saying "This is my niece, Robin. Her stage name is Jaha though." I was always like, dude, TMI. Whatever though. Family. 

I guess, there you have it. That's how and why I became Jaha Zainabu.