There used to be a big sign in the back of the apartment building at St. Elmo Village that said IF YOU LIVE IN A SHOEBOX BRIGHTEN IT UP. Most of the places where I've lived as an adult have been very small spaces because...L. A., because...budget. But as an adult, I have always been a very good housekeeper.
Home is important to me. I am...a way about my space. I need order. I don't think you heard me. Not just like it. I need it. I cannot live with clutter. Clutter includes a fork in the sink, the toilet paper not on the holder, a sock on the living room floor (I can be annoying. Love me anyway.) I like colors and art. Plants and mirrors and pillows. Rugs and dishes and books. I don't spend a lot of money to decorate. I shop at thrift, dollar and discount stores. I'm also gifted with great items.
I can't control the world outside my doors. Can't control the weather or police or people, traffic or anything really. But I can make a beautiful and comfortable space for myself, my son and those who visit. The place where I live now is no different. It's super small and hella cozy and filled so much love. So much conversation. So much music (and Criminal Minds / Law & Order SVU / Chicago P. D. marathons.)
Creating great space is the one gift I have consistently given myself through the years. Now, I have my days, weeks even, when the depression takes over and the clothes and take out bags pile. Of course seeing it only feeds the depression. But there is nothing I can do but wait until the clouds pass and pray they pass before the suicidal thoughts take over. Because they come. But that's a story for another day. Thank God not today. Mainly, I control what I can control when I can control it. This is how I love myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment