Gratitude

This morning I am thankful for a good rest last night
I am thankful for waking up
For my son, my friends and family
I am thankful for my health and safety
For the village that rears my son
I am thankful for life

Rest

In a perfect world I would have brand new cotton pajamas and jasmine tea in a strawberry shaped cup and Tracy Chapman and Maxwell would drop by and sing songs to me until I fall asleep.

Uraeus. Bakersfield. Drive.

It's 11:41pm and I'm just getting back from taking Uraeus back to Bakersfield. As long as the drive is I count it a blessing. It's the time I get to spend with him. It's when he makes me laugh the most. And my son cracks me up! I am always tired when I get back but truthfully I am glad and praise God tremendously that my son is safe and free and healthy. This drive is...nothing. Praises up!

An ode a day for May 2014 - day 4 - To my son

Your face mostly
And those eyes
And all that hair that falls in your face
Your small mouth like mine
Your cheeks and teeth
Legs and voice
This flesh of my flesh
This blood of my blood

Do you know what it is
To have your mind walking around
Outside of your own body
To have all the blood you have
Flowing through someone else
All the worry
All the happiness
All the sanity you can muster
Be for someone else
All of mine is for you

All these years
These sixteen years
Almost seventeen

Do you know how fast seventeen years go by
It flies
It disappears
It leaves its whisper mark
Do you know how precious time is
Do you

I do
I know
Time is your long body
Time is your reach above mine
Time is me picking you up from your SAT
Time is you preparing for college
For life

I hope you know what it is to love like this
I hope one day you feel your own thumping chest
Beating in someone else

Release

I had an uncomfortable memory this morning about a conversation I had when someone told me I was living my fantasy life. As if he really knew my life. As if my life is so easy. I remember being so stunned that I couldn't even respond. I also remember knowing that he couldn't live a day in my shoes. That's the thing, none of us could live each other's lives and we should stop pretending like we could. We get all "knowy" about the business of other folks and don't spend enough time taking care of ours. I let the memory play and then I just let it go. I let. It. Go.

Gratitude

I am thankful for this day
For waking up healthy and sane
I am thankful for my son and friends and family
For peace and ease
I am thankful for the blessings in my life
For words and art and poetry
For travelling grace and good mercy
For loving and forgiving thoughts
I am thankful for prayer and meditation
For deep breaths and space in my head

Accountability

On Thursday in class we were having a conversation about people, specifically celebrities, being accountable for their actions. Someone mentioned the rape case against Kobe Bryant many years ago. One of the young men said "Man, you think Kobe would rape someone?! As many women Kobe can get, he don't gotta rape nobody. She wanted it."

What was interesting in the conversation was that they didn't bring up the fact that if he didn't have her in the room in the first place it wouldn't have happened. The only way he was "set up" for that is if someone else placed his penis inside of her. No one else did. He did. No matter how many other lovers she had actually didn't matter to the case.

Included in this conversation is the truth of what no means. Even if a woman is agreeable to one type of sex, she does get to disagree with another type, as in anal. And guess what, her "no" has to be respected. Yep, these are the hard conversations we have to have with our youth. But they are not hard when we are not skiddish. The young people are ready with their words. Ready. They need willing adults to have these conversations with. These talks that may keep them out of jail, even save their lives.

Girls missing

Dear everyone. Over two hundred girls are still missing. Except they are not missing. They are somewhere. They deserve our prayers and attention. They deserve the prayers we would pray if these were our own daughters missing. Because they are. These are my daughters and your daughters too. Black women don't make a distinction when it comes to throwing bricks and swinging broomsticks because we know that all of the babies are ours. All of them. Well, these are your children too. Don't preach to us. We cannot hear you. Don't tell us the proper way to mourn. We know how to mourn. Do not talk to us about moving on. Do not ask us what Jesus would do. Jesus would fight. Do not send us pictures of little lambs and cucumber grass. We are angry. We are so angry. You know the kind of anger that comes over a woman when she is just so mad she can only get really quiet? Well, that's where we are. It is all bubbling up again inside of us. We have been through this before. We remember, you know, not just mothers, but fathers too. We know the noise you can make. Because we heard you shout before...when your daughters were missing...when you wanted your sons home. We know the signs that you can paint. We know the money you can spend. You think we don't know? We know when we are being ignored. We know when you want us to just cool down. We know. We know the voices that we hear, and the voices that we don't.

An ode a day for May 2014 - day 3 - To my mother

There are all of these ways I cannot say thank you
Knowing how small my words will sound next to your pumping veins
Giving me life
Always giving me life
I am thankful for you
For the way you mothered
Way you cared
Quiet and sure
Easy and forever
Rooted and watered
We are the same fruit
We are cloud together
Present and transparent
We are friend together
We are this has never been easy together
We are nothing worth it ever is
We are worth it together

Did I tell you I am beginning to understand
The hushed arm fold
The polite look away
The just keep living stare

I could not create a better mother
I would not if I could
You gave me everything in your tool box to give
All of your wisdom
All of your laughter and play
Your work and memory
All of your stories and what you have forgotten
Is all right there at the point of your chin

All of your permission
To write and fly and land on the sun
You wanted me to fly
Though it was hard to let go
You wanted me in air
In space

I have my wings now
My own wings
Mine
To fly
Because you believed

Gratitude

I am thankful for this day
For waking up easily and comfortably
I am thankful for my son and friends and family
For space and dreams and healing
I am thankful for pleasant memories
For laughter and good fun
I am thankful for my health and strength
For lessons learned and love given
I am thankful for words and art and peace

An ode a day for May 2014 - day 2 - To the 234 girls stolen from Nigeria

You are my sisters
You are not forgotten
You are not property
You are golden

You have faces and smiles
You have lungs and teeth and voices
Scream with your voices
We will not stop looking for you, sisters
We will not
You are not slaves
You are not to be purchased
You are not to be owned
You are precious

We are crying and wailing for you
We are aching and peeling flesh for you
We are mourning and gathering strength
To look for you
To stay on your trail
We will find you

Someone knows where you are
Someone saw you go away
Someone will be punished for your missing bodies
In bed and safe where they belong

O daughters
O daughters
O daughters

Who sold you
History is repeating itself
At your expense
O daughters
O daughters
O daughters

You will never be forgotten
We will not stop looking for you

An ode a day for May 2014 - day 1 - An ode to Creator

For all blessings and way You shower me with love and forgiveness
How You protect me when I am not aware
How thankful I am for Your fingers waking my eyes
Pushing air through my lungs
I am grateful

With these raised hands
With this lifted voice I sing
Dance and worship and praise
Because You are
Because You live and breathe in me
Because I see You all around

Because I see You in the breeze
In trees
In mountain and water
In winter and spring
I am grateful

Grateful for my son and friends and family
For peace and understanding and trust
Grateful for time and space and laughter
I am grateful for You
For all that You are
For all the power You have
All the wisdom You give
All the memories You grant
Thank You

For words and art and flowers
For sea and sky and birds
For poetry and the way You weave the world