An ode a day for May 2014 - day 31 - To V Kali

Will you say my name the way you say names
You know the way
Will you put your perfect lips together and throw my name to God
So that God will know for sure that I am loved by one like you
With all that memory in the crust of your elbows
You think I don't feel all that in your hugs
You think you can hide all that magic
You cannot friendmother
You cannot

These words are for you
For the ways you bless us with red
With purple with sky with green
You so rainbow
You so river
You so all them books
You so all that hair down to your back
You so Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack
With silver buttons buttons buttons

You so poet

Did we thank you
For all the times you remind us to breathe
Did we thank you
For tofu taste just like catfish save our lives
Did we thank you
For juice like Jesus feet
For water turn gutter into Arrowhead
Did we thank you

These words are for you
For
You

Gratitude

I tell myself that it is okay to be thankful for the same things and people every day
And I know that it is true
I remind myself that it is true
I tell myself that God appreciates that I remember
Then I know that this is not about God
This is not about Jesus either
Not completely
This is about me reminding myself that I am alive again
That I have something to be thankful for
That there is a power higher than I who connects me to every other thing that ever existed
Perhaps that connection is also God
Because God is not a man with a white beard sitting in a chair in the sky
We all know that by now
Don't we
Don't we know that by now

I am thankful for mirrors
Isn't that odd
To be thankful for mirrors
But I am
Because there was a time I was not
I am thankful for my face and smile and everything the glass
Gives me in return
It is mine
Mine
For now it is mine

I am thankful for waking up today
In a bed
Surrounded by books and plants and art
Are you greeted by art when you wake
O it is the best

I am thankful for my son
For his voice and skin and laughter
For his fingers and toes and safety
For the wand of God that sprinkles his path
I am thankful for him

For my friends and my family
All of them
Every one

I am thankful for love that blooms in my brain my veins my chest and stomach
I am thankful for quiet and trees and sky
I am thankful for the moment
This moment
And this

Valerie Bridgeman. Prayer. Release.

In this moment I give thanks for my aunt and friend Valerie Bridgeman whom I called on to pray for me. To pray for my mind. For concerns swimming around. I give thanks for the love I felt oozing through the phone. Also for my friend, Dietra who also gives love and blessed words. We are black mothers and there is something to being a black mother. There is something to being a black parent. There just is. I give thanks for my son's father, whose name I keep separate from this blog (because he didn't ask for his business spread throughout Jahasworld, I did). But I give thanks for him nonetheless. For him and his wife, for everyone in his household who loves my son. Our son. I give thanks for my mother, sister, brother in law, friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, his teachers. I give thanks for the village who loves him.

My beloved is at an age where we worry. We just do. For nothing. For everything. We the village, we the family, we the parents. We just do. We worry and then we have to let it go. We, and by we I mean I, have to remember that my son is not my son. He is God's son. He is at an age where I cannot Mommy right next to him every moment of the day. My son is born of two African-American parents whose opinions of this very racial society informs our parenting. Praise God though, we are also parents who know that God is real. That God guides and loves and directs. That God provides peace and ease. I am also extremely thankful that my son, our son, God's son is not one who gives us what any would really call...trouble. He is kind and thoughtful. He is funny and handsome. He loves to read and watch movies. He is a good conversationalist. He gives every time he can to strangers on the streets. Although he has his teenage stuff, he is a wonderful human being. Still, as I said to Valerie, Dietra and Dad tonight, there are always parental concerns. I remember when I used to ask my mother if I could borrow the car for the night when I was a teenager and she would pause (knowing how great a driver I was ;)). She would say "It's not you I'm worried about, it's all those crazy people out there." Well, now that my son is sixteen, 6'2", marble black, locks past his shoulders and some falling into his lovely face, it's not him, it's all those crazy people out there.

My concerns I know are not irrational. Quite the contrary. I know I have to be careful about the stuff I let into my mind. More news than I can handle is my newest no no. Law and Order, Criminal Minds and First 48 marathons however entertaining, are a deadly combination with a creative and concerned and black mama mind as mine. So it's time to chill. And I have to remember that I'm not the first black mother to be concerned about her boy and I won't be the last. So more meditation and prayer. More believing that there is more good in the world than bad, because I can not believe sometimes. More leaving my concerns on the alter of God, whose loving hand holds my head. My son's head. The world.

An ode a day for May 2014 - day 30 - To my sister on her 41st birthday

We ran to Daddy together when boots scraped up red steps
We hid behind the same couch and called his name
We yelled surprise together

We were reared by Mama's love together
Mama's kisses were work ethic and Vacation Bible School
She taught me how to drive a stick
Then I taught you

You were my doll I dressed for school
Laid out your clothes and combed your hair
Two ponytails
Three ponytails
Four

You looked like me
Had more book smarts than I
I am proud of you for taking wings
For being so fly

We Cameron St. together
We Taper St. together
We so St. Mark

We so praise
We so different ways
We so anyways
Together

We so don't never no mind
Long as you know
I love you like I
Do

Gratitude

It's 12:07 and although today is really tomorrow

Today is today because I am just getting in

And am ready for a good rest tonight

Tonight

This night

I am thankful for waking up this morning

For work today

Even for the small challenges at work today

I am thankful for love and compassion

I am thankful for God working God's amazing self out in my life

As God does

I am thankful 

I am thankful for last minute work

For surprise work

For thank You, Jesus work

I am thankful

I am thankful for my son

My wonderful son who came through me

Who is his own person

Who is God's awesome child

For me to rear and love

I am thankful for the entire village that rears him and loves him

I am thankful for my sister

For my mother 

I am thankful for peace and good energy

For food and shelter

For kindness and compassion

For work tomorrow I am so thankful

I am thankful for one foot in front of the other 

Every day

I am thankful for friend out of hospital

For her health and safety

For her whispered name from my lips reaching the ears of Most High

I am thankful

For friends

Family

For words and art and calmness in my head

Braids

A: Your hair sure does grow fast.
Me: Yep. It took twenty hours!

Teaching

Today in class I told a student to take the headphones off of his head during class. He told me that only one side was on and that while music was playing in the other ear he could hear me through the other. He had the nerve to tell me he was "multitasking." Ummmm...No.

An ode a day for May 2014 - day 29 - For Anna

For conversations over and over
About a yesterday so long ago
Over and over yesterday
Again and again
Hair gray
Fingers wrinkled and wise and beautiful
Bless you, Anna
Bless you
Thank you, Anna
For sitting and sharing
For talking and giving
To me
To me

Dr. Maya Angelou

Yesterday our elder and poet and storyteller and awesome woman, Dr. Maya Angelou passed away. Her passing is a loss for the artistic community and the world. She lived full out in such a mighty way. I celebrate and honor her. For all of the work she did to pave the way for me as an artist, a woman, a mother. Thank you, Dr. Maya Angelou. Thank you.

Happy

And with two bundles of yarn from Michael's, twenty hours and my two sore fingers, this happened

World Stage

11:49pm. Home from The World Stage. As usual it was a blessed experience. Mahogany Wordsmith was featured tonight. She read more of her work than I had ever heard before and I was glad I was there to experience her. Dee Dee McNeil was there for a portion of the workshop. She was just in the neighborhood and stopped by. I was glad I got a chance to tell her how much I appreciated her email from the night we featured together at Maverick's Flat at the Still Water's event. She is such a legend and for her to remember me and personally take the time to message me about how she felt about my work meant so much to me. She said she would come back to The Stage, I hope she does. Alex read a poem tonight he has been working on for years, literally. I was proud to see him up reading it and being able to hear how much he had developed it. I love that young man. For years he's been like a little brother to me. My 6'4" little brother.

Tomorrow at Vibrations A Kold Piece is featuring for Thursday Night Vibes. I'm looking forward to seeing that too. Gotta sell some more art because filling up my gas tank for the week is necessary like right now. But watch God work God's self out in my life.

I haven't been able to get online at home for a couple of days and thankfully I am tonight. I'm going to straighten up this room a bit, find an easy show to watch and curl up.

Vanessa, if you're reading this, hugs and prayers to you. You already know.