Afternoon free write

Today is my second day on a journal project I created for myself. I write for an hour straight in my journal. Yes, an hour. I feel shakey and heavy right now. But I am ok. Free writing in my blog is one thing but free writing in my journal for an hour is something else. For obvious reasons I am much much more free in my journal. There, there is no one I protect. In my blog I write the nice version of most things. Yesterday and today I told myself things I have never ever said to anyone.

Oftentimes I get close to some emotional door that seems too hard for me to walk through and then I turn around and call it a breakthrough because at least I got close. Freedom though, is through the door. Not up close to it. Past it. Seeing the story in black and white I created myself is therapy. Is healing. There were things that happened that I always told myself were dreams but inside I knew really happened. Again, writing and releasing the stories is freedom. At least for me anyway.