Street stories

Two black men in line in Chase Bank on Manchester and Vermont talking.

Man 1: Aww, come on man! You don't 'member Lil Don useta stay over in the 20's an' was real skinny an' couldn't kick nobody ass an' usta go wit' Carol who was real real fine then she quit him to go with that dark skin dude?

Man 2: Ummm, naw.

Amil about Shaka

Naw, it got all messed up. You didn't hear? No, he aint there no more, he locked up. Yep. You know he was homeless for like six months or some shit like that right? Yep. No, he wan't stayin' with her. She just let him take a shower sometime. He was sleepin' downtown somewhere. I dropped him off down there three fo times maself.

He started messin' 'round with Olivia and then she let him move in with her. She shoulda known that was gon go bad. Everybody else could see it I don't know why she caint. Some women so desperate to have a man they don't be thinkin' straight.

You know Melvin was trippin'. His mama messin' 'round with a man he know aint no good for her. But he know she grown an' aint nothin' he can really do about it. You caint tell her nothin'. You know how yall women is.

Melvin come by one night and they was arguin' and Melvin say it look like Shaka was gon hit Olivia. Even Olivia say he wasn't finna hit her but Melvin see what he see you know. Ax me, Shaka whatn't gon hit her. Melvin just want a reason to start somethin' with em.

But he say to this day he saw him step up on her and was gon hit her.Iss kinda a coincidence though, don't you thank? The minute Melvin come in that's when Shaka was gon hit her? I don't know. Don't nobody know but them three.

Anyway, then Shak and Melvin git into it and Melvin git all pissed off at Olivia 'cause she yellin' at him and tellin' him to git out they house and mind his own business. Course that don't do nothin' but make Melvin act even crazier 'cause his mama choose this dude over him.

Shak say Melvin was the one that was finna hit Olivia so he went and got his gun out the garage. He say he tole Melvin to juss leave so it won't be no more mess. Melivin slammin' shit on the floor an' pullin' pictures down off the wall. Shak and Olivia screamin' at him to leave, then he threw a vase that almost hit Liv in the head. Then Shaka shot him. Course the police come out and Shak had warrants and shit.

Melvin better be glad it was Shak, 'cause I wouldna juss hurt em. Iss all messed up. Shak still in jail and Melvin layin' up in the hospital eatin' jello or some shit and Olivia by herself again.

Remembering D

D was killed in Texas after we broke up. Don't nobody know who did it. Aint that somethin' 'cause they know everything D ever did but don't nobody know who did him.

We was broke up but I still loved him. I was the woman who loved him first. He didn't have no mama that he ever knew or that ever knew him. I picked him when I was only fourteen years old and he was two years older than me.

That didn't make no nevermind to me 'caue I just knew Mama nim didn't understand and kept tellin' me I don't know nothin' 'bout no love and I tell her I did too know somethin' 'bout some love. Grandmama say I wasn't nothin' but hot in the pants and I needed my little butt whipped good but she the one didn't know nothin' 'bout no love. She the one had a husband and they didn't even sleep in the same bed or room together. I might notta known a whole lotta stuff about love, but I knew even way back then that a man and woman that called theyself married was supposed to sleep together in the same bed in the same room.

Maybe me and D didn't make it to forever but we shol did have a forever kinda love. Shoot, I would cut a muthafucka over D and he could count on that till the day he died. D just needed the streets and that whole life and no family could fit into that life with him, that's all. I didn't like it, but I understood. And we have a baby girl too! The streets couldn't fit into our family and D just wasn't the man he could look in the mirror and be proud of without 'em. So that was that and I packed up the house in Charlotte and came to Los Angeles.

Big Jack

I don't know his name
But he looks like a Jack to me
He's big and has hammer kinda arms
I would believe it if
He was a stick up dude
Back in the day

We are waiting for the WalMart to open
Big Jack is looking for a place to pee

In my mind I speak to Big Jack
He creeps from the side of the building
Zipping his pants

Stop talking to yourself like that, Big Jack

Although I understand

What happened, Big Jack?
Do you have children?
Boys? Maybe one girl?
Your children don't understand you
Do they, Big Jack?

Were you minding your own business
On your construction job
When a white man said the wrong shit
On the wrong damned day?

Did you choke him
Didn't know your own strength?
Did he pass out, Big Jack?
Then you went to jail?
Huh? Huh, Big Jack? Huh?

You wife's Spanish mother and Republician father
Had warned their princess about marrying you

But you were a big time football star at USC
That made your black blook ok

Where were they?!
Where were they, Big Jack?
She only visited you that one time
To tell you to get help with you anger problems

Anger problems?!
It wasn't even your fault!
She wasn't concerned about
Your fucking anger problems
When you whippped that guys ass
That time on Venice Beach
For calling her a cunt
And grabbing her titties!

You were her hero then, Big Jack
Or was it Jackson or Big Daddy or Honey Baby?

I hate her too, Big Jack
Now here you are
Peeing on the side of the WalMart
And talking crazy shit to yourself

Your twins, Robert and Johnathan
Are grown up and have kids of their own
Robert is leaving his wife
And coming to terms with
The fact that he's gay

And he's blamming that on you, Big Jack!
Like it's your fault
He's been lying to himself about
His own feelings
And it's your fault?
Come on!

Willa Bell, your precious fair skinned princess
The only one with your nappy hair and fury eyebrows and big nostrils
Poor thing cried herself to sleep
The whole time you were locked up

You're free now, Big Jack
Where is she?
You're pissing on the WalMart
She's out shopping

I know
I know, Big Jack
It's not fair

That fucking day, man
That one fucking day

What a life

Mary went to Tonya's house for tea. Tonya had dishes in her sink and her bathroom was a mess. Mary went to Sophia's house for lunch. She told Sophia what a mess Tonya's house was.

Sophia went to Michael's house for dinner and cable tv. Michael left his mail on the coffee table. Sophia saw that his mortgage was two months past due. Sophia went to Troy's house for sex and breakfast. She told Troy about her "friend's" financial troubles.

Michael went to Mary's house for sex and dinner. Mary is pregnant with Troy's baby. She didn't say anything to Michael.

Michael went to Phillip's house for band rehearsal and...breakfast.

Doesn't this sound like one messy world? This is what we look like when we stand on our religious soapboxes and point fingers at other religions. Replace Mary, Tonya, Sophia, Michael, Troy and Phillip with Christians, Jews, Catholics, Muslims, Scientologists and Bahai (and any other.)

I was watching a telivision show once and a little boy said "Religions are like farts. Everyone else's stinks but yours is ok."

If we each cleaned our own homes the world would be clean. Instead we cover our mess by talking about someone else's.

The please God bargain (short story by Jaha Zainabu)

The trip to Ocho Rios was business and had been planned for three months. I didn't say anything to Gina until a month ago because she always gets so nervous when I leave her for more than a day. Gina is my older sister by two years and even when we were little girls I always had to take care of her in some way or another.

Daddy died and we didn't have much family so we stayed with Uncle Bennie until I went away to college. What I do that for? She told me that if I left and went all the way to Louisiana it would kill her. I left and stayed gone for a year and it didn't kill her, but it got bad. Nobody could control Gina. The sex, drugs, drinking. But mostly it was the drugs. I went to meetings with her, saved up and put her in rehab and did everything I could to support her. Secretly though, I was angry that her problems have always controlled my life. Angry at God, my dad for dying, Uncle Bennie, myself. Angry at everyone. For the last five years though, it's been ok. Well, predictable. She's even been attending meetings by herself. But when I leave for more than a day, we all get nervous.

We talked about it last week and she said she would be ok. Four nights ago though, the night before I left, she called me at work and asked me to go to a meeting with her. I had to work and couldn't go. She didn't come home till eleven and I could tell she had been crying, but she wasn't high.

The next morning she was standing above my bed, then started jumping and screaming and telling me that if I really loved her I would stay.

I snapped! I got up in her face and screamed on her like I aint never before. Then left. What I do that for?

God, let her be ok. Please let her be ok. I promise I'll go to meetings with her every day. I haven't heard from her since I left. I keep calling, but nothing. Uncle Bennie hasn't seen her, nobody we know has. Whatever You need me to do, God, I'll do. Just let her be ok. I'm on my way back home now and sitting in this airport is driving me crazy. God, please.

Tea with Atlanta McBride #2

Good morning. I hope you had a real good Thanksgiving Day. I know I did. Gon an' have a seat anywhere. If you want some tea, I already have some hot water on the stove. I was about to make me some right now. You sure? Ok.

I gotta say now, it’s just weird to me that you keep comin’ over here wantin’ to know my stories about my life when it’s people with much more goin’ on than me. I aint never really won no awards or nothin’, but you keep comin’, I keep tellin’, what I care?

I guess what come to mind today, since you don’t never seem to care what I talk about is me and Prince. I know a lot of my stories have something to do with a man. And most of them in my stories don’t never seem to be much good. But in their own way, they was all some good. People mostly tell the bad part of a story because that’s what’s still stuck in their minds, ‘cause that part aint all the way smoothed out yet. It’s like our brains is some kinda garbage disposal or somethin’. You take a big ole pot and fill it up with your life and pour it down the garbage disposal and turn it on. What you find is the parts that went on real easy and the parts that didn’t go so easy but you got ‘em all worked out for yourself. Them parts just go down real good. But the parts that still aint all the way right with you, even though you think they are, just get stuck in the drain and make the noise in your mind. Like a spoon that gets stuck, keeps going Wrenk! Wrenk! Wrenk! ‘Till you pull it up and straighten it out.

Well, I met Prince on the streets. It’s funny how we met because I’m the one always sayin’ that I wouldn’t never meet up with no man on the street. I just never thought it was proper for a lady. Don’t you look at me like I don’t know what’s proper for a lady or not. You just never do know what you gettin’ when you meet somebody on the street. It’s better to meet somebody in the church or a bar or a school or something like that. That way you kinda know a little about what they into from the beginning. On the street, you don’t know. Well, I was driving along and came up to a red light. Who should pull up next to me but this real handsome lookin’ man. He was like what they would call regal. Had a deep thick accent. He look like Prince Charming. He even drove a white car. Like he was comin’ up on a white horse or somethin’. That’s why I call him Prince. Oh boy, I can hear it loud now. Wrenk! Wrenk! Wrenk! I may get through this and I may not. Anyway, he pulled up beside me and my window was already rolled all the way down and maybe so was his or he rolled it down just to talk to me real quick. He asked me in that thick mustard voice of his if he could have my phone number and get to know me. I just gave him my number nice and slow so he didn’t forget it. Sure enough he had called me by the time I got home. And that’s how that started.

I called him back the same day and he wanted to come and visit me but I knew that was too soon for somebody to be comin’ over to my house. I don’t too much like bringin’ men around Tanisha. She was about six goin’ on seven then. And smart as a whip. Smart, smart, smart. Well, I was paintin’ a lot back then and I was real good at it. Still am really. I was also still sellin’ my purses but not all the time. Things seem to go in cycles for me. I was sellin’ my art pretty good and so I mostly focused on that hustle. I had got this man over on the other side of town to let me use his shop to have an art show. The show was less than six days away so I invited Prince. We didn’t see each other before then but we talked every day. He was from Nigeria and would tell me about his home, his family back in Nigeria and London and his work over at the Salvation Army. He was somethin’ else.

Well, he showed up at my art show just like I believed he would. We went out to Larry’s after that to get something to eat. Red flags was waving away in my head like crazy but did I listen? No. We don’t always have to learn the hard way, but sometimes we do. He walked me out to my car and pulled out a cigarette and I knew for sure we wasn’t supposed to be together. I can’t stand those stinky things. How you gon be with a man when him and his clothes smell like smoke all the time? You, can’t that’s how. Well, we look over what we wanna look over don’t we? We sure do. It turned out cigarettes wasn’t all he was smokin’. Yeah, after he moved in it got a whole lot stronger than cigarettes.

I believe I’ll have some more tea. What about you? You know, come to think of it, we just gon have to pick this up later on after all ‘cause it’s just too loud in here in my head. I don’t know if you can hear it or not, but it’s sure loud to me. Too loud.

Tea with Atlanta McBride #1

Tea with Atlanta stories by Jaha Zainabu

Call me what you wanna call me but all I knew was I wasn’t gon look my baby girl in the face and not know where we was gon stay the night. Not me. Not never. I had friends who made a game of twenty-four hour diners, laundry mats and spending the daytime at parks and beaches. No way. No how. What’s a kiss anyway? What’s a hug when you really break it down? A place to stay that’s what. And so we moved in. Me and Tanisha.

She had her very own room and was warm and safe and happy and both of us ate every night. And what’s the use of stories like these and why do folks care anyway and mine aint nothin’ special. All people wanna do is make some kinda case where aint no case really to be made. It happens every day, why look at me? But if you wanna know I’ll tell you. What I care if you know or if you don’t? So ok, here it go.

Me and Tanisha was livin’ over by the Park and things was goin’ ok. Ok like not too bad not too exciting, nothin’ to complain about or nothin’ like that you know. I was rentin’ a room from Janie for four hundred dollars a month and I could afford that well enough on my hustle. I sold stuff. Whatever stuff. Clothes, purses, art, some earrings I useta make. I should go back to makin’ earrings. I was real good at it. They useta call me the earring lady you know. I didn’t make that up. Somebody else did. I woulda come up with somethin’ way more clever than that, but somebody called me that and it stuck.

Anyway, Tanisha was only three years old. And it’s true what they say. Time sure does fly by real fast. You gotta cherish those moments when they real little like that ‘cause you don’t get ‘em back you know.

I met him at a coffee shop not far from the apartment and he bought me some peppermint tea and I sat on down and drank it real slow. Tanisha was with her daddy that night. Or my mama. I don’t remember which one that night but I was walkin’ around by myself tryina figure things out ‘cause I knew I couldn’t just keep goin’ on sellin’ earrings and stuff no matter how good I was at it. I had bigger plans than that. Bigger plans than to be rentin’ a room from Janie and everything like that. Mr. Walker bought me some tea and some more tea. The next week he did too. After a few weeks it got to be that’s what we did on Friday nights. Meet at the coffee shop and drink tea. I take Tanisha down to my mama’s and she always happy to see her when the week end and I gon over to the coffee shop. To drink tea.

I found out the hard way that Janie had been sellin’ dope out of the apartment and I just couldn’t have my baby around that kinda mess. If her daddy found out, he would try to take her from me for sure and never let me see her again and I just couldn’t have that. I came home from tea one night and Janie was sittin’ on the couch lookin’ like she had been cryin’. I’m thinkin’ it was one of her boyfriends dumped her again and wondered why she wasn’t use to it it happen so much. But she tell me that BigBaby come by and wanted more than what she could pay for and call herself just gon take it. Well, she did take it. BigBaby a pretty big girl and it didn’t take much to push her way into the apartment. She took all the stuff, my purses I was sellin’, Janie’s grandmama’s silver chains and my money I was savin’ up to get me and Tanisha our own place, plus the rent for next month. Seventeen hundred dollars of my cash money.

Mama didn't really have no room and plus I didn’t want her to know all of what was goin’ on. I didn't really want her to think she was gon have to help me out all the time. My whole life helping me, helping me, helping me like I ain't got no kinda way to help myself. No. Anyway, Mr. Walker said we could just move in with him ‘till I get on my own two feet and so that’s what we did.

We moved out to Carson with Mr. Walker. He was renting a two-bedroom house that he told me he owned. I didn't find out that he was renting until one day I got home before he did and found a three day pay or quit notice taped to the door. But I guess that’s another story. Anyway, we lived walking distance from the mall and the bus lines. That worked for me because my Ford Escort was dying a slow death fast. He was a sweet enough guy I guess. Was real good to Tanisha. He had six grown daughters of his own who was all back east so I guess that’s why he knew how to treat Tanisha so good. As for me, he treated me all right too. I guess. Things don’t never come without a price though. Especially things like gettin’ a place for you and your three about to turn four year old daughter to stay for free. Things like that don’t never come cheap at all.

I knew that I had to hustle harder than I had ever before because no way was I gonna be some old man’s prisoner. Nice guy or not. Free rent or not. I knew I needed my very own money and sooner than later, my very own place to stay. My very own place with Tanisha. Just like I thought, things sure did pick up with my sales. I would go out to a little thrift store in Corona on the weekends and buy fancy purses for only a dollar or two, sometimes three or four, and I would sell them for twenty, maybe even thirty. I thought Mr. Walker would be proud of me makin’ my own money. Thought he’d be glad to know that I wasn’t just tryina take advantage of him and everything like that. Seem like he got madder and madder the more money I made. He didn't like it at all when he found out I was makin’ more in two weeks than he did on his social security check for a whole two months. The more I made, the more I had to pay. Mr. Walker never would take no money rent though. That’s ok. I said to myself all the time. That’s ok. Just two more months maybe three and I would have enough for a place of my own with Tanisha. Just me and her.

After my car broke all the way down I knew I had to come up with a hustle on top of my hustle. I couldn't keep going down to Corona no more ‘cause Mr. Walker wouldn't let me use his car to get down there unless he went too and that was out of the question. It seemed like everything I did he wanted to do too. Which woulda worked fine if we made any kinda team. But he was always competing with me. Tellin’ me I didn't know what I was doin’, down talkin’ me in front of my customers, tellin’ me I should just give him my bags and he would sell them for me ‘cause he knew he could get a better deal and he would give me twenty percent. No thank you. I would borrow my cousin’s car once a month and get down there and sell them on my own, that’s what.

Paying rent. Paying rent. Paying rent. Every night after I put Tanisha to bed. Paying rent. Free rent. I was tired. Real tired of free rent. On top of free rent he started talkin’ down to me all the time. Even when nobody was around. Out of the blue. It would seem like things was goin’ ok then he would just come in the room and tell me that wasn't nobody gon ever love me like him or treat me like him. That I should be glad that somebody would put up with a dark, fat girl like me with nappy hair and had a baby with nappy hair too. I never said anything. Just looked at him and felt sorry for him. I wasn't no fat girl. Thick. In all the right places thick. But wasn't no fat girl in no kinda way. There was plenty of men lookin’ at me who wanted me real bad. I wasn't lookin’ for no man though in the situation I was in. No way. No how. When I got me a man again it was gon be when I was in my own place with Tanisha. When I had my own car. When I had my own money. I felt real sorry for him ‘cause I could see through all them insults and everything like that. He was old and couldn't hide from me no more. I wasn't some young girl he had been buyin’ tea for on Friday nights no more. I was in his house and I knew that he wasn't some rich retired play writer. He was an old man living on the little bit that social security paid. He had some government job a long time ago and had retired.

He didn't have an Italian mother or a South African father. He had a fair skinned mother with two black parents and a black American father born and raised in Mobile, Alabama. Mobile. Alabama.

He knew that I was on my way out and did everything he thought of to keep me there. Except he never seemed to think of just being good to me. I asked him one morning after free rent if I could just money rent the extra bedroom and he could just do what he wanted to do. Even have some other young girl in there payin’ free rent. Way I looked at it it was a win for everybody. Me and Tanisha would still have a place for a while longer and I could be payin’ money rent and he would have some more in his pocket to pretend with while he took his free rent girl out for tea. But what do I know?

It turns out a girl’s got a limit to free rent and when she reach the limit it just ain't no more free rent to give and whether she got a place yet or not or got some money or not just don’t matter one single bit. When I pulled up in my cousin’s car, he thought I was on my way out to Corona. Nope. Wasn't on my way to get no purses. Not that day. I thanked him for everything but I had to leave right then and there and I just came to get me and Tanisha’s stuff. He didn't like that one bit and told me that I wasn't nothin’ but a dark, fat, nappy headed girl who wasn't gon never be nothin’ but somebody sellin’ purses on the street teachin’ her baby girl to be nothin’ but the very same thing. He didn't mean for me to like that but I sure did too like the sound of that.

I didn't know where I was goin’ but I was leavin’ there. I tell you. When free rent run out then free rent run out and no man nor woman knoweth the day nor the hour. I had the car for the weekend ‘cause my cousin was out in Vegas with her friends. I loaded the car with Tanisha’s clothes, my clothes, purses, art stuff, books, a chair or two and some more books. I put a big blanket over everything and went to Mama’s house. She was used to seein’ Tanisha on Fridays so I knew I wouldn't have no explaining to do that day. But still, what was I gon do? I didn't know. I stayed the night at Mama’s that night and turned the TV off and prayed and prayed in the house all by myself. Tanisha and Mama had gone to dinner and to the movies. I didn't go. I needed to pray. I never did tell Mama none of what was goin’ on. I had just made up in my mind to work it work it out without doing that.

The next morning I woke up and called Vanessa first thing. It musta been God answered my prayer ‘cause I was shol prayin’ for a miracle and that’s what I got. Vanessa and I hadn't spoken in over seven months. I exhaled hard when she answered on the third ring. I told her my free rent run out and she understood ‘cause she had paid free rent before too. She said that she was on her way out to Atlanta to see her new man and would be gone for the whole summer and I could stay at her place and just pay the rent there, only catch was that she needed a ride to the airport ‘cause her ride had just flaked on her and I had to be there in an hour. I kissed Mama on the cheek and woke up Tanisha.

In a mustard seed, that’s what happened.

Friends

Me and him never was really all that close
Guess ‘cause I never was really all that cute
But Talanda
She was more

Been friends sixty years and I won’t try to
‘Splain her kinda special
But that what I called her
More

‘Cause she was more than the better
What thought they was something ‘round there
Only thang
She thot bein’ more meant
She had to put up with bottom

So quite natural like
She married the biggest asshole she could find
Who confused real life with bullshit on the daily
I guess on the other side of thangs
He was more too

He was the most
Yeah I did everything I could to stop that weddin’
‘Cause I just knew
A monkey knew
Yeah I was one of playerhatin’, cock blockin’,
Jealous at the same time
Protectin’ best friends

I know what you thankin’
Here anotha story about anotha brotha don don
Anotha sista wrong
Not this time
Not from me

Yeah he had everything to do with the
Technical parts of her death
But dammit now she did it to herself
May as well gon call a lie a lie
And let the livin’ live
What I always says

I told her
Time over time
Talanda a woman’s gotta love herself
Enough to love herself all by herself
If she got to
You gotta go
‘Cause you’s a dead woman in this house

Every time I tell her she just look at me cross
And tell me shame on me for not showin’
Family respect

I never did tell nobody but Talanda
But me and him is first cousins on my daddy side
But that don’t never no mind to me

Woman is thicker than blood

Always has been

Besides…Talanda was my friend
My very good friend

Now I need y’all to ‘scuse me
But I had to tell y’all that
Before I could begin this story right

I saw her blood all over me before he even shot her
For years she put up with senseless beatin's and name callin's
Some stabbin's and gamblin's
And cheatin's was a given ‘cause it was the time we lived in
Time we livin’ in now
So quite right he was a liar too
To this day I’ll never know why he bothered with that
The truth was right there in his drawers
And she washed them out every night for
Forty and nine years
But habit is habit I guess

I was sittin’ right there where you are
He was over there about ten feet from us
And Talanda was standin’ above me to my left
Course the room was facin’ a different way

Me and her had been in the house alone at first
She was still prancin’ around in the dress
She bought that day
I didn’t too much care for it
But I was glad to see her proud
With her head up finally
Some strength about herself

Talanda was a tall woman about 5’9”
Thin too about 125
Lil ole waist and ok breasts and hips for a
Woman our age
Course she never did have no kids she was
Allowed to keep

The dress was red
Not really blood red
But I bet it usta be when it was new
In good shape though
It had small small blue and yellow flowers
Or somethin’ all over it
A long dress
With red buttons goin’ all the way down
‘Cept the one at the waist didn’t match
Not by design though
Like somebody did best they could to
Replace it before they passed it on

It had short sleeves
A swoop neck collar
An elastic band on the back
Rayon?
Rayon.

Yes indeed
She was somebody new in that dress
Somebody I didn’t even know
And I knowed her a long time

She bought the dress from a secondhand store
And I like to believe that the woman who owned it first
Was some kinda kin to her
And was sendin’ her some kinda strength through the dress

Me… I was just sittin’ there drinkin’ wine
I keeps me a short dog in my purse you know
Then he come pushin’ right past us like
He high offa somethin’
Walk straight to the room mumblin’
Somethin’ loud don’t nobody know

The woman I usta know would be shakin’ in
Her slippers by now
But this new Talanda with the dress
Didn’t pay him a bit a mind
And I told you
I had a little ripple in me

So I starts laughin’ at him
And what I do that for

I shol wish she had left him like I told her
Like she knew she wanted to
Just scared is all

Once I even offered her five thousand dollars
Of my own funeral money
As I will have me a very nice funeral
With a fine cherry wood casket
And plenty of ‘spensive wine to go around you know

I offered her the money to just go
Go somewhere far away
Somewhere and have a better life for the both us
I shol wish she took it

He came home marchin’ in the room with all
His man on
And goes over and slaps Talanda in the face
Real hard too

I have told you that
Talanda was my very good friend
But I spent almost my whole life in the
Middle of her and him
You can’t see it but
Right here under my right breast where he
Cut me once
Tryin’ to kill her

For a while I thought I had done somethin’
Honorable like
But aint no honor in riskin’ yo own life
For a woman lookin’ to git on the death train anyway
Leastways aint lookin’ to stop it from comin’

And I gots kids!
Um ummmmm!

I told her after that
That was the last time
And like my daddy says

I keeps my word like I keeps my money

I kept right on laughin’ too

He slapped her again
This time she look at me
Like I’m the one crazy
Like I’m the one spent my life up under
Somebody call me ugly
And do me wrong

Come to think of it
I kinda got mad at her for lookin’ at me that way
And I started to git up and git in both they faces
But I didn’t
I sought right down there and didn’t say a word

You would think that would be enough
Then from nowhere he is holdin’ a gun to her head
Lookin’ straight at me and says

Laugh again and I’ll kill yo friend

And dancin’ wit it too
Like it’s some kinda jump rope song
I just didn’t know which to do

Until I looked at Talanda in that dress

I thought about the woman who was
Her great great grandmother
Who maybe usta own the dress
Holdin’ her real strong and real proud
And I thought
One day he is gonna die
And it will shol be nice if he meets her
In that other world
While she is wearin’ that dress
So she could whip his natural ass good

Then I looks up at him
And I laughs the meanest coldbloodnest laugh
I could muster

I laughed for what she was gon do to him one day
And if she was gonna die
‘Cause everybody is
Then she was gonna die in that dress
I would see to it

Like I have already told you
Talanda was my very good friend

And so I laughed and laughed
Laughed right through the gunshot
Laughed while she fell slow in my lap
I didn’t stop laughin’
I laughed when he dropped the gun
I laughed when he walked out the house
I carried her bloody body to my car
And drove her to my house
And buried her in my own backyard

And now every year on September the twenty-third
I sit on his porch with a candle all lits up
And every year when his new wife ax
When I’m doin’
I looks up at the sky and says sadly and
Happy at the same time

I’m laughin

Free lunch by Robin R. Reed (from PLAYGROUND POLITICS BY ROBIN R. REED)

When I am a grownup I am going to tell my daughter that when it is summer she does not have to walk all the way to the park with her little sister to get that nasty balony sandwich and apple and cracker at the park. She can stay at home and practice her cursive and write a famous story and color and watch cartoons if she want to.

Miss Moore by Robin R. Reed (from PLAYGROUND POLITICS BY ROBIN R. REED)

Miss Moore's name useta be Miss William's but she got married and if you get married then you have to have the same last name as your husband or it doesn't count. Miss Moore likes Sharice the best and she likes me the fifth best. She took Sharice and Monique and Kesha to the movies but not me. If I was big and I was a teacher I would take everybody to the movies or at least ten kids and not just three.

Power On! (from TEA WITH ATLANTA MCBRIDE)

I had took Tanisha down to my mama’s house like I usually do on Fridays. After she get out of school we go check out a new book from the library then spend a little bit of time at the Park. She love the swings. Sometimes when we don’t go to the Park we go down to the Jungle to hear the brothas play drums. That day we went to the Jungle and the Park and then stopped to get somethin’ to eat. It was the beginning of her summer break, so Toby was gon pick her up on Monday from mama’s and was gon have her till the end of summer. Things worked all out at the right time ‘cause soon as I pulled up I saw the yellow slip stuck on my door. Thas ok though. It wasn’t no big surprise or nothin’ like that. But then these things is never no surprise, you know? I just thought I was gon get a couple more days is all. I was tryina come up with the money but when somebody gotta choose between her baby and a bill due, then down here we usually gon feed our kids. I don’t know how it work where you at. But then again, y’all probly never even heard a somebody havin’ to make that choice huh? Anyways, I was just glad the man come after Tanisha was already at Mama’s.

I put my key in the door, walked in, put down my bag, grabbed some juice from the fridge and went and sat out on the front porch. This a four-plex and as I’m sure you can tell, it’s always four times the drama around here, so I knew I wasn’t gon miss no entertainment as long as I sit with my eyes and ears open. My power out or not. Well, I was just sittin’ there just about to feel sorry for myself and then here come Marla walkin’ up the walkway with all them grocery bags like she finna feed the whole neighborhood or somethin'. She say she saw the man come as she was on her way out. She even gave him a whole half a fresh baked sweet potato pie to give me a few more days. Wouldn’t you know it, he took the pie and turned the power off after she left. Some people don’t have no kinda honor. So while she was out she picked up a buncha candles for me. I helped her carry the bags upstairs and we sat and talked awhile and ate the rest of the sweet potato pie.

I tole her I didn’t know what I was gon do with my power off. Marla know just what to say at the right time. She tell me my power don’t come from no lights on or lights off. She say lights on was probly part of the problem in the first place. Sometimes you have the lights on for so long that you stop lookin’ from yo real power altogether.

Marla was right too. I went on downstairs and bagged up the milk and cheese and vegetables and everything like that that I had in the fridge and put ‘em in her fridge. Then put the candles in my bedroom and some in the kitchen and the bathroom too.

I couldn’t turn on the tv or the radio. Couldn’t even read no books neither, but thas ok. I sat there. With myself. A lotta people ain neva sat with theyself before. It's good for everybody to do that every now and then. Then you get to see what other folks have to deal with when they with you. If it’s hard for you to be by yoself then its probly hard for other folks to be with you too. But we don’t like to look at that though. We just think everybody out of they mind not to wanna be with us.

Anyways, I sat there. Sometimes it was hard and sometimes it was scary and sometimes it was the best thing I could think of to do. I sat. I prayed. I even started cryin’ about stuff I had been too busy for too long to cry about. I sang songs to myself and remembered scriptures, and sat on my couch to look out the window. I watched folks walkin’ by, children playin’, I even watched the grass growin’. I shol did. By myself. By my hard, scary, fun, peaceful self. It seem like the longer I sat there, the more I could feel God movin’ and alive inside of me. Then when the night got late, I would take me a hot bath with soap powder bubbles. The water only stayed hot for three four days. After that I would go boil some water upstairs in two or three of Marla’s big ole pots she cook greens in and I pour the water in my tub. I sleep like a baby then wake up when the sun wake up and read a little and pray and write some and draw some too. Then I a go to work, then hustle best I could and start the whole routine all over again the very next day. I did that forty and seven days.

See, I learned that it wasn’t no lights on that give me power. I already had the power. And I learned too that I didn’t need no man to do for me neither. Not to say that I didn’t need no man ‘cause I still am after all, a woman. But I need any man like any man need me. I shol do know now after spending time with myself that what I depended on one boyfriend after the next to do for me, I could do for me. And thas to see my power.

You know, God a teach you yo lessons the best ways you can learn ‘em. For me, I had to be in the dark over a month and a half to see my light.

My life by Robin R. Reed (from PLAYGROUND POLITICS BY ROBIN R. REED)

My life is really, really cool and it's fun to be me sometimes. What's cool about me is that I'm always sometimes the tallest person in my class so the kids pick me on there team to play kick ball even though I can't kick that far but they think I can. Terry can kick farther than I can but they don't pick her because she's fat and mean. It's not bad that she's fat because people can't help it if they eat too much but she don't have to be mean to people. Especially people that don't be mean to her.

But anyways, my hair is longer than some of the other black girls at my school but not all of them. The Japaneese girls think I'm cool but I'm not though but I'm cooler than them! I have a little sister and I even like her alot. One day I'm going to be a very famous writer and if I have time I might be a model and actress and lawyer. I am also going to work at JC Penney because they have cute clothes and I'm going to give my mom alot of free clothes and makeup too. She is pretty.

Anyways, when I am a famous writer I'm going to write a letter to the president of the United States of America and tell him that black people have rights too and not to be mean to black people because we useto be slaves like on Roots but we are not anymore! My uncle knows all about everything about black people and he told me. I like to get letters from him. He is in jail so he rights me alot. He is not bad. He's fun. My dad is fun too and he is not in jail. When I'm big I'm going to be rich and when I march around to put money in the offering at church I'm going to be up there a long time because I have more money than they do. I sing in the little kids choir at church but I don't sing loud. I sing soft because the other kids sing better than me but I can run faster than them so it's ok. None of them can sing better than my auntie Janice. She can sing better than anybody and my mom can usher better than anybody. And my grandmother has the most firestick candy of all of the old ladies at my church.

I don't have a boyfriend but oneday I will. Sometimes I think I'm not cute and sometimes I think I am. They say that Donna P. is the cutest girl in school but she is not taller than me. I think she can run faster than me so I don't race her. I have the best writing in my class. One of these days when I'm like 20 years old or something I'm going to travel around the whole entire world and write a famous book about it. Everybody in my class is going to remember me and the boys are going to whish they were my boyfriend but to bad for them because I will be marry already to somebody who is cuter than them and has a faster car and is nicer too. My husband is going to hold my hand when we go to church and the movies. I dont have to give him a kiss if I don't want to. He won't be mad. He will be lucky. I will tell my daughter not to be kissing boys at the park like Lisa useto. She wasn't fass she just like to kiss but not me. I don't like other peoples germs because I might be a doctor one day and a doctor can't have germs. I'm probably going to have a boy to.

I don't think I will have a whole lotta kids like my grandmother did. Maybe just a boy and a girl and they can travel around the world with me and my husband can come too. but he might have to work construction. I will take pictures of the world for him. He will be lucky! When I finish eating my food and writing this famous story about my life then I'm going to go to cheerleading practice. I'm not the best one on my team but I can run faster than all of them except for 2 of them. But my hair is longer than those 2 girls so it's ok. Being a cheeleader is not as important as being a famous writer anyways. Maybe I won't let my daughter be a cheerleader. She needs to be practicing her cursive writing anyway. Sunday I'm going to give a speech at church and I hope I don't mess up. The boys at my church don't think I'm cute but that's ok because they aren't either. If I could have anything I want I will probably pick to be able to sing real good and not to be scared of anything. There is alot to write about me but I'm not going to tell you everything because I don't no you.

Beer by Robin R. Reed (from PLAYGROUND POLITICS BY ROBIN R. REED)

If you drink beer then you will throw up alot and you will have to get a divorce. Then you cannot live with your wife and daughters until you say that you are very very sorry.