Rewrite. Exercise. Forgiveness.

(This is a rewrite of an exercise I worked on last night as a free write. Maybe it will go somewhere from here. Maybe it won't.)

"I'm going to tell you what my mother told me about forgiveness, Baby. Baby let me tell you." I sat there and listened. Just listened and watched her wrap herself in a soiled apron. I sat at the table ready for words like bombs. Words like ice splashed cross my face early morning. I did not want to hear Grandma's words. I did not want to feel Grandma's icebombs. What did she know about today? About my worries now? It would be sin punishable by brimstone to walk out and leave. You do not walk out on Grandma, whoever you are.

Sweat dripped from her face to the floor. I watched each drop fall. I stared at the white square fan that held up the window. Tried to keep track of the blades as they spun round and round so fast. What? What, Grandma, what? Hurry and get this over, I thought. "Baby, as simple as it sounds, you have to let it go. You have to remember that we all human beings trying to get it right. Don't you know that by now? Don't hold on to poison or it will kill you so painfully slow. Don't you know? Baby don't you know?"

A ballad a day for June 2014 - day 3 - Again

(This is the song in my head. The line breaks are not traditional I know but communicate the pauses in the song. I'm new at this, give me a break.)

My friend
Can we meet on top of the hill and talk
Again
Will you put your hand atop my chest
Again
Feel the muscle beating underneath my skin again
Can you feel blood rushing in my veins
Put your palm cross my forehead
Your fingers on my lips
Darling can you hear
What my ego fears

My friend
Can we meet in the dirt behind the field
Again
Will you reach and hold my hand
Again
See my legs strong and ready to run to you
See my arms spread broad and free
Let you eyes meet mine
Darling o darling
These words I have for you to hear
What my ego fears

Gratitude

I am thankful for this day
For love in my heart and ready passion
I am thankful for the sun in my room
For work to do and energy and integrity to complete it
I am thankful for my son
For my friends and family
For peace and ease
I am thankful for my health and strength
I am thankful

Social media break

1:27am. I haven't been on social media much these days. Mostly to post an event or so. I have been purposely avoiding much of the news. I have needed to do this in the name of self care. There is so much to see and hear and get all on you. I read through my news feed today on Facebook and I can see I missed a lot of the world violence. As much as I try to stay up on what's up, I needed to miss it.

I lead the writing class last night at Vibrations. I enjoyed it. It was just the beginning. I have good thoughts on where we can go. I'm hoping they materialize the way God has them go.

I'm off tomorrow. Not really. But kinda. I have a lot of work at home to do and plan to make a great dent by the afternoon.

Enough of this dear diary stuff, I'm finally sleepy.

Enjoy.

Gratitude

Again I am thankful for this day
For witnessing the sun that shines its light into my room
I am thankful for my son
For my friends and family
For peace and harmony
I am thankful for love and balance
I am thankful for work and words and art
I am thankful for being thankful today

Writing class

I'm teaching a writing class at Vibrations on Monday nights from 7 to 9. Hope you can make it. It's $25 per month or $10 per class. 2435 Manchester Blvd., Inglewood, CA.

12:31a. And now, after a day of work with a new client and writing my first two ballads ever, I'm going to bed. I have work in the morning with the students and I'm praying for ease. It's the end of the school year and so the students are on full TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?! mode.

A ballad a day for June 2014 - day 2 - Off paper

You loved me like a framed Mona Lisa on a wall
Not the flesh in front of you, that's not who I am at all
These crooked feet walk concrete and not soft grass
These palms and fingers tried to tear an ugly past

I am not a perfect being
But then you could already see
Oh darling you knew
And neither were you

You held me like a Basquiat, scattered and priceless
I could not live on a museum wall, lonely and frightened
Bulging eyes and permanent smile
My flaming blood missing attention all the while

Did you love the idea of me
This poet that I am
Did I love your strong arms
Without your tender eyes attached

Will we ever know
Like moon above that glows
Like water way below
Only faith can tell us so

Gregory Porter - Hey Laura

A ballad a day for June 2014 - day 1 - Gone

Do you remember when we used to play
Simon says make love all day
How you would say the sweetest things
Even promised me a wedding ring

So long, my dear
It seems so long ago now, my dear
Yesterday has come and gone so fast now, my friend
It's a new day and our touch has come to crazy end, my friend

You rubbed my chin so nice and slow
Remember how we thought we'd grow
Tall as palm trees up in the sky
Deep as questions, wonder why

So long, my dear
It seems so long ago now, my dear
Yesterday has come and gone so fast now, my friend
It's a new day and our touch has come to crazy end, my friend

Simon's gone, will he return
Bring magic we thought we earned
Just like that time's gone away
Think of you, mostly by day

Close my eyes at night to rest
I'm a bird, caught in her nest
Afraid now to fly away
How to leave if there you stay

So long now, my dear
It seems so long ago now, my dear
Come and gone now so fast, my friend
Come to crazy end, my friend

Gratitude

I am thankful for the honor of the sun
For waking up in sound mind and body
For love and compassion
For peace and grace
I am thankful for my son
For my friends and family
I am thankful for another day
For deep breathing and faith

Prom time

12:54am. Reuben went to the prom last night. Yes, I'm getting old. No, this isn't about me. He and Migina looked so lovely. I was such a proud aunt.

After prom party I went to see Donny feature at Shades of Africa in Long Beach. I could hear all of his work all of the time and hear something new. Tonight he did a piece I heard before about his mother that made me sad in a way it really hadn't before. Just something new I heard in it I suppose. Sad, but lovely. It was great to hear him do a set instead of just one poem. The rest of the night was cool.

I'm still on my form poetry every day this year. I'm doing a different form each month. I told Donny that tomorrow I'm going to start ballads and he said "So, you're just gonna be Lionel Ritchie all month?" That was hilarious.

On another note, I've been getting these crazy and super painful leg cramps lately and I feel one coming on now. Gonna walk it out before it gets here. I'm such an over sharer. You know me by now though, I have to write when I wake up, some time during the day and before I go to bed to sleep well. Art is healing, or haven't you heard?