Jaha's World

Thursday, May 7, 2020

How do I say his name without saying my own / my own sad name / my own targeted name / my son's / my niece's / what poem / for what / what facts / video / I can't watch the clip / or read the story / yet / yet / my nephew / brother / cousin / neighbor / sister / because Alabama / because trees / because Ferguson / New York / Los Angeles/ because how long / too long / because Jamestown / because Mississippi Goddamn / because not guilty / because any city USA / because a Black man I dated carried a gun in his backpack to work / like just going to work is dangerous / like driving down the street can get a Black man killed / like jogging down a road is a bad idea / because anythinging while Black / because Skittles / because I / Can't / Breathe / because we call on Spirits now / Spirits we can't call back / now / because / because / this / smoke / you / been / called

Flashback

The mothers

I am a very superstitious person. I don't like to admit that but I am. I was raised that way. Growing up we could never say "goodbye." My mother would probably cringe seeing it in print here. We had to say "see you later." Because goodbye meant forever. When my son walks out the door there is a prayer I have to say. If I don't, I'm afraid something might happen to him. I don't know if that's so much superstition or being a Black mother. But there are a million little things I do to prevent the world from crumbling. You're welcome.

For a long time I've wanted to do something to honor a few women who were very inspirational to me when I was growing up. They were mothers at the church where I grew up. At first I thought I wanted to do a photography project because these three women are three of the most beautiful women ever. Not just physically, but for sure that too. They are all striking and wear the absolute most fierce church lady hats and suits ever ever created. But it's more than that about them. They are not just women who inspired me, but probably all who know them. They are kind and wise and powerful in their own sometimes quiet ways. And they have been this way my whole life. They still are. So I knew it wasn't going to be photo project. Plus, photography is my third or fourth creative language anyway.

So here is where my superstition kicks in. There is this thing that nags on me when I have an idea and don't act on it. It won't leave me alone. I've been wanting to honor Della Ford, Barbara Washington and Dale Clinton for so long but I don't know what to say to do them or how they have inspired me any justice.

Dale Clinton was a good friend of my grandmother's and so of the three women I had more access to her. She would ride with us to and from church and other places. I'm pretty sure there isn't a funnier woman alive. But she's no joke! You know how people view Maxine Waters in L.A.? Well, in Long Beach, that's Dale Clinton. Politically astute and wise and ready. You can't throw a rock without hitting someone she helped get a job or some kind of leg up in Long Beach. She needs a school named after her. Really. Many years ago I did a video interview of her on my blog. Even way back then I had this idea. The video is on my blog and YouTube but I never did anything more. But it never left me. Someday I will.

Barbara Washington is the woman of the three I have had the least amount of one on one interactions with but I have always admired her. Even more so now. I don't like when people start with physical descriptions of women because it's like that is what's most important. So I won't start there. She lights up a room. I know what a cliche that is but she really does. You would think I would have a better way to begin about her but no. That is my first impression. Mrs. Washington always looks like she has good news that she can't wait to share. Seriously, that's the look she always has on her face. Maybe her good news is Jesus. I don't know. But it's something great.

Years ago a good friend of mine had a birthday celebration at a tea house and all of the guests had to wear fancy hats. I was like, BOOM! I'm there! I asked Mrs. Washington if I could borrow a hat for the day and she agreed. When I went to her (always perfectly kept) home to pick it up she gave it to me like, um...maybe this ole thing? My head has never been so well adorned. And it was hers! She will never know how honored I was that she did that. I'm always pretty quiet around her. Even now. I don't know why.

Also, she is incredibly beautiful. Everything always laid. Hair, clothes, nails, make up. I was never one of those women who could consistently pull that off. I said I am more inspired by her now than then. That's because the older I get and the more life experiences I have as a woman, a Black woman, I know that for her, and not just her, this goes for all three of these women, to carry themselves with the grace with which they did was not easy. I have watched them stand by their children and grandchildren with such strength that could have only come from God.

Mrs. Washington doesn't know this but when I was a little girl I was at her house and overheard her say that she keeps fresh flowers in her house. Way back then I said to myself, that's what I'm gonna do. And when I got a place of my own I did that. I still do.

Mrs. Della Ford was the first lady of the church where I grew up. She was married to Rev. Ford who was such an incredible man. He has gone on home and is greatly missed by me and many. Mrs. Ford is very soft spoken, at least that is my experience of her. I think she is one of the kindest women I have ever known. Funny story here. I started my first menstrual cycle when I was in the sixth grade. My mother sat me down to tell me what to expect. She told me that when women have their periods our moods might also change. We might feel upset and moody and have feelings we don't understand. I don't remember if I said this out loud but I remember thinking these exact words, "Sis. Ford must never get a period because she is never mean." Since forever that's the impression I've had of her. And she, like the other two women, is gorgeous. Together from head to toe. She has the most peaceful smile ever. I have watched her go through hard circumstances with a peace that cannot be explained. Her peace and kindness and strength is witness enough.

I know these words don't do them justice. But I just wanted to take this time to say publicly that I love, admire and appreciate them and am so glad that they are still in my life.

I love us!

I walked into a store and an older woman was arguing with a young cashier.

Woman: What you NOT gon do is disrespect my daughter because I don't play that!

Cashier: I didn't even disrespect your daug...

Woman: You did disrespect her because I looked at her when she came out the store the way she twisted her neck and she ONLY do her neck like that when she being disrespected so I came in here to tell you...

Lisssssennnnn...she know her daughter!