Tuesday, October 16, 2018 12:05am Los Angeles. Home.
It's just after midnight and I got in about an hour ago. I went to CLI tonight. For the first time in about five years I'm not teaching a class there, instead I'm the assistant to the fiction teacher. He offered me the fiction class but I didn't want to teach it this year. The only class I wanted to teach was the class for the graduates but that class isn't being offered. I'm cool because I was going back and forth about teaching this year anyway. But being an assistant works out perfectly because Penelope Lowder is the instructor and I would pay good money to be in a class that she leads. And now I get to for free and be her assistant. Win win for me. After I left USC I went to hear some live music in Leimert Park. It was really good. They had some African drummers and dancers tonight in addition to the other acts. I had a good time. Uraeus was here when I got here and he said that he had a good night as well. Good things.
Still trying to figure out where we are moving to but not letting it worry me too much. I saw some rooms for rent so I may just set Uraeus up somewhere where he will be comfortable in a decent neighborhood. I'll be ok. All of this is happening so quickly. Somehow I'm pretty good though. As long as Uraeus is good, I'm good. And he's good. He is enjoying his job and I'm glad about that.
I have to get up early this morning (because it's already tomorrow) and go get some labs done at the mental health center where I go. I'm on lithium and they have to do labs to make sure the meds aren't messing my kidneys up. So far so good. My diet hasn't been the best though. Mostly it's the sugar I drink. I've been drinking root beer and when I drink alcohol I drink red wine which has a lot of sugar so that's not great. And I haven't been exercising like I should be. So that's not great either. The only thing I see myself changing in the near future is giving up the root beer (it's so good though and goes so perfectly with grilled cheese. Don't judge me.) I cant' say I'm about to stop drinking. There's a bottle of Merlot on my table right now which will probably be opened tomorrow. Whatever. It makes me feel good.
I believe I'll do some writing before I go to bed. We studied Jamaica Kincaid tonight in class. She is so dope. We studied her poem call Girl. Her rhythm is everything. That poem reminds me of a poem I want to write for Uraeus. In my head it's called Dear Son. But who knows what it will be called when it's finally written.
I'm good but I'm praying for my friend Karyn Carlo and her husband Roberto. He is in the hospital with severe abdominal pain. Please, if you're a praying person and believe in the power of prayer, please send up a word. They are such a lovely and powerful couple. I'm praying for above all that God's will be done in their lives and that Roberto is healed. That he is comforted. That they will both be able to sleep through the night. That Karyn's nerves are settled. That they know how much they are loved. I know God heals. I know God can. I believe God will.
So that's mostly what's up with me. Praying for a place for Uraeus and me, praying for friends, praying for money. Money is so funny. It keeps coming and going so fast. Rent, gas, food. Rent, gas, food. Rent, gas, food. Rentgasfood. Just like that. I still haven't gotten my breaks fixed and I need to ASAP! Also need to get an oil change. Soon come. Soon come. Gonna get over this hump and be all right. I believe that.
So send your prayers up for me too. I hope you're well and taking care of yourselves.
Love yourselves.
Black ass poems. Black ass stories. Black ass art. Black ass life. Black ass love. Black ass hate. Black ass parenting. Black ass depression. Black ass mania. And other stuff too.
Tuesday, October 16, 2018
Sunday, October 14, 2018
Losing place. Red Stories. Kanye.
Sunday, October 14, 2018 8:45pm Los Angeles. Home.
I might lose this apartment. I might. Uraeus and I might have to move. I don't want that but I did pray for change and this is what happens sometimes when you pray for change. Change happens and you don't know what it will look like. There is change all over my life. I'm down to just a few clients and that's not enough to keep this place. Poetry is paying but not enough. So, I have to make some changes. I might rent a room somewhere until I can get another apartment. I want to get somewhere where Uraeus can be or wants to be on his own because I will be moving into the house with my mother when she gets it and he doesn't want to go. I get it. It's time for him to be on his own but I will help for as long as I can, as long as he needs me to. It's all in the air now. More on that later.
Some good news is that Red Stories is back! Did I tell you that already? Well it is and I am excited about it. This time around the show will travel to different cities. We are going to start off in Glendale, CA on November 11 so less than a month away. Food 4 Thot and Socks are helping me produce it. Big Arch is the feature next month. He is an incredible storyteller. I think for this first show back I might be the opener. I don't usually perform at Red Stories but I want to introduce it and set it off a certain way. I was thinking of asking Bridgette B to open the show but I want to feature her probably in January. I don't usually have Red Stories in December. I don't know why. I guess because people are getting ready for the holidays and new year and whatever. I don't know. Maybe this run will be different and we will do something for December. We'll see.
What's on my mind...Well this is totally off topic but isn't that the way I run this blog?! Yep. So the other day when Kanye went all MAGA in the white house talking about how he loved the president and all and talking all nonsensical I asked the question on Facebook if he was mentally ill or not. The reason I asked was because he looked like me when I am in a manic state. Talking all loud and fast and not being clear. I know that look. Someone I know responded that it didn't matter if he is mentally ill or that it wasn't a big deal or something like that because "we all are." I didn't respond to it but it bothered me because we all aren't. And the comment felt dismissive to those who are. Our brains don't all function alike. We don't all have suicidal ideation. We don't all have manic states where we go off uncontrollable. We don't. And for those of us who do I felt like her statement said get over it. Be like the rest of us. Stop acting. She didn't say that but that's how it felt. I didn't respond because I didn't want a debate about this or be triggered any more that the statement already did. Saying it here helped me a little. Helped me get it out of my head. That's what this blog is for anyway. Getting stuff out of my head and telling my story.
Back to today...I did very little. I went to visit a client of mine who had been in the hospital. She is still not herself. She wasn't very talkative and wanted to sleep mostly. She got up for her meal and then went back to bed. I will be praying for her and her family.
I'm off again tomorrow although I wish I was working. I need to be making money every day. That's ok though because it gives me time to get some administrative stuff for Red Stories together and other work I have to do from home. And it gives me time to figure out this home situation too. I'm going to do some work and then head off to bed. It's early but I'm tired. Oh, I went to George's birthday party last night and it was really good. I had such a great time. I wish you rest tonight.
Love yourselves.
I might lose this apartment. I might. Uraeus and I might have to move. I don't want that but I did pray for change and this is what happens sometimes when you pray for change. Change happens and you don't know what it will look like. There is change all over my life. I'm down to just a few clients and that's not enough to keep this place. Poetry is paying but not enough. So, I have to make some changes. I might rent a room somewhere until I can get another apartment. I want to get somewhere where Uraeus can be or wants to be on his own because I will be moving into the house with my mother when she gets it and he doesn't want to go. I get it. It's time for him to be on his own but I will help for as long as I can, as long as he needs me to. It's all in the air now. More on that later.
Some good news is that Red Stories is back! Did I tell you that already? Well it is and I am excited about it. This time around the show will travel to different cities. We are going to start off in Glendale, CA on November 11 so less than a month away. Food 4 Thot and Socks are helping me produce it. Big Arch is the feature next month. He is an incredible storyteller. I think for this first show back I might be the opener. I don't usually perform at Red Stories but I want to introduce it and set it off a certain way. I was thinking of asking Bridgette B to open the show but I want to feature her probably in January. I don't usually have Red Stories in December. I don't know why. I guess because people are getting ready for the holidays and new year and whatever. I don't know. Maybe this run will be different and we will do something for December. We'll see.
What's on my mind...Well this is totally off topic but isn't that the way I run this blog?! Yep. So the other day when Kanye went all MAGA in the white house talking about how he loved the president and all and talking all nonsensical I asked the question on Facebook if he was mentally ill or not. The reason I asked was because he looked like me when I am in a manic state. Talking all loud and fast and not being clear. I know that look. Someone I know responded that it didn't matter if he is mentally ill or that it wasn't a big deal or something like that because "we all are." I didn't respond to it but it bothered me because we all aren't. And the comment felt dismissive to those who are. Our brains don't all function alike. We don't all have suicidal ideation. We don't all have manic states where we go off uncontrollable. We don't. And for those of us who do I felt like her statement said get over it. Be like the rest of us. Stop acting. She didn't say that but that's how it felt. I didn't respond because I didn't want a debate about this or be triggered any more that the statement already did. Saying it here helped me a little. Helped me get it out of my head. That's what this blog is for anyway. Getting stuff out of my head and telling my story.
Back to today...I did very little. I went to visit a client of mine who had been in the hospital. She is still not herself. She wasn't very talkative and wanted to sleep mostly. She got up for her meal and then went back to bed. I will be praying for her and her family.
I'm off again tomorrow although I wish I was working. I need to be making money every day. That's ok though because it gives me time to get some administrative stuff for Red Stories together and other work I have to do from home. And it gives me time to figure out this home situation too. I'm going to do some work and then head off to bed. It's early but I'm tired. Oh, I went to George's birthday party last night and it was really good. I had such a great time. I wish you rest tonight.
Love yourselves.
Friday, October 12, 2018
Easy work. No rent worry.
Friday, October 12, 2018 11:40pm. Los Angeles. Home.
I had a pretty easy day today. I was with my favorite client. I'll be with her again tomorrow. Thankfully. She's 102 and the sweetest woman you would ever want to meet. It's a blessing to spend time with her.
I have given up rent worry for now. I don't know what will happen but something will happen. Soooooooo… Maybe we will move and maybe we will be here. I don't know and I'm sick of worrying about it. I work too hard and too much to be worrying about money the way that I do.
In other news, Kanye is tripping. I think he's bipolar and is in a manic state. The way he was talking to the President was a trip. How much he loved him and wearing a MAGA hat and not making sense with his words. I feel for him though. I go through really rough manic episode but I'm blessed enough to not have folks waving cameras in my face. Yay for not being famous. The thing about getting help though is that you have to believe you need it and want to get help. I do hope he gets it though.
I need some sleep and so I'm about to treat myself to just that. I wish you all well.
Love yourselves.
I had a pretty easy day today. I was with my favorite client. I'll be with her again tomorrow. Thankfully. She's 102 and the sweetest woman you would ever want to meet. It's a blessing to spend time with her.
I have given up rent worry for now. I don't know what will happen but something will happen. Soooooooo… Maybe we will move and maybe we will be here. I don't know and I'm sick of worrying about it. I work too hard and too much to be worrying about money the way that I do.
In other news, Kanye is tripping. I think he's bipolar and is in a manic state. The way he was talking to the President was a trip. How much he loved him and wearing a MAGA hat and not making sense with his words. I feel for him though. I go through really rough manic episode but I'm blessed enough to not have folks waving cameras in my face. Yay for not being famous. The thing about getting help though is that you have to believe you need it and want to get help. I do hope he gets it though.
I need some sleep and so I'm about to treat myself to just that. I wish you all well.
Love yourselves.
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