Everything is due and my check was way lower than I expected and there is nothing "they" can or will do right now. But I am choosing not to panic even though my rent is due tomorrow. Take the next easy step, is what I tell myself. Take the next easy step. I have no panic room in me right now. My mental and physical health take up a lot of my attention these days. And rightfully. Take the next easy step.
I prayed. Prayed to the highest expression of divine love that there is. Prayed for peace in the middle of whatever this is. Continue what you have to do today was my instruction. Part of what I have to do is my laundry. I don't have a washer and dryer in the apartment so I have to go to the laundrymat. I pulled the bag of a weeks worth of dirty linen and things out and carried the bag downstairs to the car. Put the key in the ignition and the car wouldn't start. It's not the battery this time. Not after I just spent a hundred something on a new one. No, not the battery. I called JT, who is always around when I need him. Thank God for good friends and good friends who are available and good friends who know their way around the inside of a car.
After lifting the hood and wiggling the wires he told me to check and then trying to start the car and failing he said he would come over. Thank you JT, really. A million bucks thank you.
I'm waiting. I'm breathing. He's here.