The choice is yours

So the day before yesterday I did an exercise where I ripped out a sheet of paper from my notebook and wrote down a list of the awful things I say to myself. I wrote as fast as I could so that I would not censor myself. Because of course I wanted to. I didn't want to admit to myself in my mentally awake state that I put my self down so badly. 1. Fat 2. Ugly 3. Stupid 4. No one wants to hear your poetry and stories so shut up. And the list went on and on and the longer it went on the funnier it got. I know that these are lies. I know that it is my calling to be an artist because I know that God uses my art to touch the lives of so many and I am thankful for that. Still, knowing this doesn't stop me from going at it. Especially when I am in the middle of some random swirl. Thankfully, I'm not in one today.

I continued the exercise and wrote out a prayer when my wrist and fingers hurt from the destruction spilling from my fingers. Then I wrote out a list how I love myself and what I love about myself. This isn't something I do often and so I tried to be consistant with the exercise and write as fast as I could and not censor myself. 1. I am a talented artist 2. My poetry and stories touch many lives 3. I am an engaging host 4. My paintings are beautiful and unique. I allowed myself to be inspired by this list.

What it comes down to is that in every moment we all have a choice. We can believe the put downs we tell ourselves or we can be inspired to move and continue to create and lively up our lives with what is true and good about us. As for me, I ain gon lie, I make the wrong choice some days and I pay for it. Believe me I do. But then sometimes, sometimes I choose me. The real me.