What a life

So yesterday I worked with a new client, Gina (fake name like all the other fake names) and she is 86 years old and is all fancy and shit (and I never used to curse this much on my blog but whatever). When she finally got up at 1:00pm she got all dressed up in this real cute ass dress that even the Easter hat ladies would look at her and turn their noses up because they didn't think of it. And she puts on stockings and high heels. For real, she put on high heels. And for real stockings. I don't think I've worn stockings since my senior prom. But anyway.

So now she's all dressed up and shit and I'm like, did I miss the memo? because I just have on my stupid looking company polo shirt and some black slacks (and do people say slacks anymore, what do I know?) and some black almost nursing looking shoes. She's all dressed up and her boyfriend, yeah I said it, you young single sallies, her boyfriend (her boo) comes over for lunch with his own caregiver and then I was like, that's hot. But I said it in my mind in a voice better than Paris Hilton's and she shouldn't get credit for "that's hot." I mean, come on. I'm getting off topic but that's mostly because I need to get up and get dressed and figure out this set for the feature tonight but whatever.

So what I didn't mention was that she has an oxygen tank that she needs. Which, I mean, it happens. That's not the story, only a piece of it. The story happens next. The story is on my stupid looking ass. Because her boyfriend's caregiver suggested that we go to the store because they were running low on food. Of course at that point I was thinking, damn damn damn, yall couldn't have done this yesterday, or do it tomorrow? But nooooooo. Store day has to be the day I'm there. So we allllllll pile in the car. Yes, she still has on her fancy dress and high heels and now I'm pulling the oxygen tank behind her while the tubes are in her nose.

This would be the client that's close to my house. At first I was all cool and happy that she was so close to me. But there's always fucking something you know. So we get to the store, Ralph's. Yes, the Ralph's where I shop. We get to the store and now I'm following her and dragging the oxygen tank. We are in the store and I go, hey, yall wanna just sit here in the front while we (the other caregiver and I) go and get the groceries? She said yes, but nooooooooo, he wanted to go to the bank located in the back of the store and she can't sit there by herself and she didn't want to be without him. So because she's mine and he is his I have to go to the bank with them while he (other caregiver) goes shopping and I was jealous of him a little bit. I don't want to admit it but yes, yes dammit I secretly hoped that I didn't run into anyone. But you know I'm not that lucky.

She and her boo talk so loudly and they're like going through the isles going "Do we need some towels!" And then he says "Huh!" And that keeps happening. And don't forget that she still has on those freaking high heels and that I'm wearing that stupid ass company shirt with the ugly logo. I freaking looked like Oprah Winfrey in The Color Purple when she was in the store with the white woman.

They finally go and sit down and I leave to help the guy load the cart with shit they don't really need. I'm going down the bread isle because even though I'm not shopping for myself my body doesn't know that and its drawn to that isle. I turned the corner and bumped into a guy I know. Not a guy I dated or anything like that, a singer I know from Leimert Park. Anyway, we shot the shit for a minute and I was thinking the whole time that I was glad I wasn't dragging an oxygen tank behind me standing next to a white fancy lady.

When I went back to get the white lady to pay for the groceries she was sitting by herself. He had gone to the "washroom." That's what she said. Now I know for sure that people don't say washroom anymore. She was worried about him and I was like, ok, just pay for the groceries and he will be back by the time we are done.

But nooooooooooo, now we are done and he's still not back and his caregiver has gone to look for him and they've been gone a long time. So we are standing in front of the store and my friend is in line looking at me like, "huh?" But I didn't say anything to him except, "ok, good to see you." But really I know I looked stupid with my 5'9" self standing next to this really short white fancy lady with heels on. And we were standing in the front with a cart of groceries like we sole something.

Finally the man and caregiver arrive and I was hoping we could just get in the car and go. Thankfully he didn't announce that he had bad diareaha (I don't even know how to spell that right now) until we got in the car.

I know you think I should have been mature enough to have not been a little embarrassed by that but you're wrong. At least I found the whole fucking thing funny. And I have to curse a lot to keep myself laughing at it.

Ok, I know this is really messed up to say, but when we got back in the house she takes the tubes out of her nose and leaves the tank in the room and said she didn't want to use it. Get the fuck outta here! I was thinking that she HAD to have it at all times. So you mean to tell me... never mind. Forget it.

#whateverjahayouandyourwhateverasslife