THE NIKEL chapter 29

Life was driving along Mulhulland Drive on a rainy day. He swerved tying not to hit a cat in the middle of the street. The car flipped over two times and he passed out. He was carried by helicopter to Cedars Sinai Hospital. Saundra saw Obrey get out of the elevator with flowers in her hand and walked toward her. Saundra noticed that she had really long locks. She knew that was her.

“Are you visiting Life?”

“Yes, are you Saundra?”

“Are you who I think you are?” Obrey nodded her head. They sat down in the moment of silence.

“I want to hate you. But I don’t.” Saundra said.

“I want to hate myself and justify everything I’ve done. But I don’t. And I’m not. I
never set out to hurt you. This whole thing is just as confusing to me as it is to you.”

Saundra sarcastically responded, “Really?”

Obrey paused. “I met Life at a time when I was in transition in a few areas of my Life.”

“That’s what he said. What’s your name?”

“Obrey.”

“Obrey.” Saundra repeated.

“I’m not going to lie to you. I love Life. But I’m not asking anything from him. I just want him to be happy.”

“You know, I used to be one of those women who would fight for her man and get all up in other women’s faces and all of that. But I have graduated from all of that. I love and respect me. And now I know that I’m the prize. I will say this though, there is a part of me that’s jealous of you and wants to know what I did or didn’t do at home to make him run to you.” Saundra surprised herself at how calm she was being with her. She was also clear that this wasn’t a fight. Obrey as another woman who was trying to make some sense out of life, and out of Life. She was not going to let this turn into a bitter black woman brawl over a man.

“I know that it’s difficult to understand. And I don’t want to make it seem like our
relationship was nothing, but what we had never took away from his love for you.”

“Maybe not his love, Obrey, but it took some trust away. His cheating. Your cheating. Cost me. It cost our relationship and it cost my trust in him. And truthfully if I was a weaker woman it would have cost me my trust in other women. I’m not some naïve little girl trying to live out some fantasy. I trust my intuition regarding your friendship with Life. And I know that it’s only a matter of time before what the two of you have develops into something much greater. Then where am I?” Saundra could feel herself getting angry but was determined to keep her cool. She wouldn’t lose control.

They sat there. Neither of them looked at each other. They sat on the hospital bench and looked straight ahead. There was silence for a moment. Then Obrey said, “What am I doing?”

“Same as everybody, you’re trying to make some sense of this life.”

“What?” Obrey wasn’t fully aware that she asked the question out loud.

Saundra turned her whole body to Obrey. Obrey didn’t face her though. Saundra said, “Obrey, I get it. Look at us. Look at me. Looking for more of a reason to hate you than because my man was with you. Look at you, so afraid to face me, to face yourself. I don’t know you and I won’t pretend I know enough about you to judge you, but I won’t be a part of a battle against another woman for another man. I won’t do it. For what it’s worth, I don’t blame you. Not completely anyway. Life is a grown man and he is responsible for his actions.”

“Would you give these to Life?” Obrey, still didn’t look at Saundra but handed her the flowers. Saundra didn’t take them. Obrey put the flowers down in the chair next to Saundra and got up from seat and walked straight ahead to the elevator. She stopped before she got to the elevator,faced Saundra and said, “I was hoping I would meet you here. I’m sorry Saundra. I know what it’s like to feel like something’s going on behind your back. I complained about being the victim and then I did it to you. I’m really sorry.” There was a moment of silence and then she turned and got on the elevator. Saundra felt better after she talked to Obery. After meeting her. Hearing her. She didn’t want to be like Kenard’s cousins and pretend she knew her or what her motives might have been. She was better than that. She knew that Life did love her and she loved him. But she also knew that she couldn’t play this like it was nothing. It was something. If she acted like this was no big deal then she would be showing him how he could always treat her. She didn’t sign up for that. A life of her always checking up on him, feeling insecure about who he was with. Was he in the hotel alone? Who was he “just friends with”, “just talking to”? No. She was going to be a big girl and face this head on. Still in the back of her mind she was finally facing Kenard’s cousins. The big one with the curly hair who would kick her ass if she even thought about getting pregnant. Bring it on, baby.

Saundra watched Obrey as she got on the elevator and then she picked up her bag and went to the stairs exit.