psy chic 101

i was on the bus stop on
crenshaw and wilshire
when a young woman pulled
in front of me and stopped
at the red light

she told me that she would
give me a free reading because
i had some strong energy

i told her
baby you dont even
have enough time

Before session one

parked across the street
in the mall parking on
a rainy day in front of
sephora

because i am two hours
early for session one
and am tempted to spend
this money on make up

and sephora is always
having some kind of sale
and it is a problem that
i am weighing my health
against a tube of
lipstick and face powder

and isnt it ironic that i
am tempted with make up

as if i need another covering
to pretend that all of this
is ok

Dear rain

Take off your shoes and spend some time.

Uraeus

your deep voice
your beautiful dark skin
wonderful you
proud of you
good grades
tall and strong
kind and loving
so intelligent
so giving
respectful
creative
deep thinker
free spirit
gifted
poetic
artistic
talented
young
growing
black
man

100 of what / who brings me peace

001. a clean home
002. rain
003. a good book
004. prayer
005. my son
006. hugging my son
007. going to see good comedy
008. spending time with my family
009. watching a movie with my mother
010. spending time with my friends
011. long drives
012. going to the movies
013. painting
014. writing
015. blogging
016. watching law and order late nights
017. sushi
018. dancing
019. herbal tea
020. nick @ nite
021. good conversations
022. performing poetry
023. reading my stories
024. reading j. california coopers work
025. reading toni morrisons work
026. laughing with charisse tucker
027. watching criminal minds on lauras couch
028. merlot
029. art shows
030. going to plays
031. getting dressed up
032. putting on makeup
033. playing with zolah
034. holding za'yn
035. organizing my home
036. making lists
037. paying my bills
038. skating
039. watching in the heat of the night
040. going for long walks
041. listening to thunder
042. taking pictures
043. long bus rides
044. spending time in oakland
045. sight seeing
046. spending time with deja
047. spending time with reuben
048. sex
049. writing in my journal
050. a good massage
051. swimming
052. listening to a good sermon
053. going to st. pauls in philadelphia
054. going to the beach
055. cheese
056. eggs
057. bread
058. the color red
059. talking to valerie bridgeman
060. listening to good music
061. seeing my friends succeed
062. watching my friends perform
063. listening to nailahs beautiful anyway
064. going to festivals in leimert park
065. depositing money in my account
066. going to home depot
067. buying plants
068. buying flowers
069. buying paint
070. painting murals
071. going to thrift stores
072. going to book stores
073. going to libraries
074. seeing rainbows
075. love
075. traveling
076. sunny days
077. listening to good poetry
078. organizing photos
079. watching children play
080. hearing old people laugh
081. looking at photos by gordon parks
082. looking at photos by annie leibvoitz
083. looking at the photos on venus bernardos website
084. hot baths with bath salts
085. styling my hair
086. getting pedicures
087. laughing
088. walking around the mall
089. sitting quietly
090. reading Bible stories
091. going to concerts
092. listening to india arie
093. wearing platform shoes
094. watching court / law / police dramas
095. being happy
096. working on my website
097. talking to alisha
098. chillin with aquiah
099. being still
100. learning more about photography

questions

what will it matter
a hundred years from now
if women poets, writers, preachers
are not talking about
what matters to women
what matters to the world

what will be the difference
in the way the world relates to women
the difference in what we feel
our bodies, our spirit
in how we treat our children
our teachers, our political and spiritual leaders

will our voices have made a difference

will our kindness have mattered
will our silence have proven to be best choice
will what we didn't say be the death of us

what will our great strengths have been
what are we saying with our words, our actions
what are we saying and agreeing to
about ourselves

what are our boundaries
who are we allowing to cross them
and why
how are we spending our
time, money, energy

what will our last words be
and to whom

what kinds of lives are we living
what questions are we asking
and to whom

what are our hobbies, our outlets
what does the body of our work say
about us

Dear Uraeus #19

All ways loving you.

Mom

freestyle poem on creating spaces for today

finding balance between
words for my journal and words for the world
why the balance
why not all words for the world
protecting myself
from myself
from my anger
from rage

against you
not all of you
but you
you know who you are
the psychopath reading this right now
living more lives / lies than you can keep up

you

finding space today for loving myself
finding space for art
thank You Mother/Father God that there is always space for art
thank You that there is always space for Spirit
thank You for mornings like this
waking up to Your whisper in my ear
its all going to be fine
everythings all right
feel all of it
write about it all

I hear you Mother

the dance of quiet space

there are women in my head
bold church hat wearing soldiers
connected to Source
and all Her creations
connected by promise

women who are clear
that beauty is more than looking good
deeper than smelling like roses and jasmine
more tedious than press n curls and pedicures

these women
these earth warriors
make life look easy
these seeing women
with word from the Lord
these big boned women
bumped from the pulpit
excused from his counsels
made small in the gospel

these big footed women
more dangerous than their fears
using their voices
as weapon as sheild as balm

these straight talkin' women
chocolate of every hue
change the tapes in my head
when i replay the sore spots of my past
longer than the lesson

they lead me, these humming women
to new language
new perspective
other stories

they dress me in their reds, their blues
sing me in their arethas
their big mama thortons
their Jesus keep me near Thy cross
scarves from their grandmothers
prayers from their closets

i am ready

i hear these women of God
whispering in my blood flow
see them translucent on the streets
behind the babies
comforting the homeless
between their breasts

i dance with them
when i am weak
they stand my legs
stregthen my tongue
still my spirit
quicken my gait
steady my breath
remind me
to listen

Quotes from Rev. Dr. Renita Weems

1. I never wanted to be a small living, small loving, small thinking woman.
2. Religion has a way of making you small.
3. Religion becomes our way to escape the world, not engage the world.
4. I chose the route to be unconventional and ask unconventional questions.
5. Your preaching will only be as strong as your life.

The please God bargain (short story by Jaha Zainabu)

The trip to Ocho Rios was business and had been planned for three months. I didn't say anything to Gina until a month ago because she always gets so nervous when I leave her for more than a day. Gina is my older sister by two years and even when we were little girls I always had to take care of her in some way or another.

Daddy died and we didn't have much family so we stayed with Uncle Bennie until I went away to college. What I do that for? She told me that if I left and went all the way to Louisiana it would kill her. I left and stayed gone for a year and it didn't kill her, but it got bad. Nobody could control Gina. The sex, drugs, drinking. But mostly it was the drugs. I went to meetings with her, saved up and put her in rehab and did everything I could to support her. Secretly though, I was angry that her problems have always controlled my life. Angry at God, my dad for dying, Uncle Bennie, myself. Angry at everyone. For the last five years though, it's been ok. Well, predictable. She's even been attending meetings by herself. But when I leave for more than a day, we all get nervous.

We talked about it last week and she said she would be ok. Four nights ago though, the night before I left, she called me at work and asked me to go to a meeting with her. I had to work and couldn't go. She didn't come home till eleven and I could tell she had been crying, but she wasn't high.

The next morning she was standing above my bed, then started jumping and screaming and telling me that if I really loved her I would stay.

I snapped! I got up in her face and screamed on her like I aint never before. Then left. What I do that for?

God, let her be ok. Please let her be ok. I promise I'll go to meetings with her every day. I haven't heard from her since I left. I keep calling, but nothing. Uncle Bennie hasn't seen her, nobody we know has. Whatever You need me to do, God, I'll do. Just let her be ok. I'm on my way back home now and sitting in this airport is driving me crazy. God, please.

Take us back

it was the moaning mostly
the whispered gutteral base
escaped pursed lips and sunday pink lipstick
that groan from underneath belly
granted go ahead to
say it sistah!
preach pastah!

hallelujah shouts from peppermint breath
knocked cracked leather black pumps
holding swollen ankles on wooden floors
with tight fist grabbing air
closed eyes and tears falling slow

bread of heaven, bread of heaven
feed me till i want no more

i remember you, grandmama
we honor you, auntie

negro women not hooked on simple words
like fair, justice, right
negro women who could out walk a lie on broken toes
courageous women who got a prayer through breathing a breath
deeper than the last

we came from these women
spread noses, wide feet
carry the world shoulders like theirs
lest we forget and think we carried ourselves

those are our mothers
with backwoods grammar and perfect memory
we have come into new names
they called themselves negro

we need you now, grandmama
our fine homes are poison
without your wrinkled fingers
folded over breakfast prayer

there was something about
your Jesus, your John Kennedy, your Martin King
glued to dusty wood mantle
over stale candy and crystal glass bowl

your God who had the whole world in His hands in His hands
was too big to argue love, death, resurrection

big mama, we call on you now
forgive us please our education
our money
our everything we think we know
too good for your pork chop, your hymn book, your hot comb

put your feet in our laps, great warrior
let us massage your boiled blood
and blistered backs
we are listening, queen
all the time we heard your songs
but not really

let witch hazel leak between your fingers
rub our temples
sing your songs again
we are wiser now
those spirituals we ignored
sing them to us again
see mother? see?
our arms are not smooth like before
we have our own battle wounds now
we can hear you now
sing with you now

take us back
take us back
fo we can be baptized
again