Black ass poems. Black ass stories. Black ass art. Black ass life. Black ass love. Black ass hate. Black ass parenting. Black ass depression. Black ass mania. And other stuff too.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Dear Ruia
Thank you. For all the conversations. For the conversation today. For your love, your stories, your friendship. Thank you because you understand. Even this weird letter. You understand. For being the space where I can say anything and know your love is there, thank you. All the time thank you.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Dear FOX news
Your reporter, Bobby Castro, is on sight right now downtown Los Angeles trying to talk to some of the protesters at Occupy LA and is reporting that they don't want to talk to him because some of them have been drinking and smoking. Well, they were out there all night so I can't say that they weren't but perhaps the reason they don't want to talk to dear Bobby is because he is carrying a mic with your logo. You just haven't presented yourself well in terms of fair reporting. It seems that any liberal point of view is followed by your smirks and off (too off) comments. This is nothing you haven't heard before I'm sure, I'm just up early and was watchin TMZ and didn't feel like turning when your news came on. Anyway, these are just my two cents. Have a nice day.
#gottgooutandgetaremote
#gottgooutandgetaremote
Happy days
just because
freewriting
up early
good sleep last night
in prayer
in praise
got my computer out of "the shop"
smile
because
just because
these are just words
in my head
happy words
feeling happy
these days
good morning
freewriting
up early
good sleep last night
in prayer
in praise
got my computer out of "the shop"
smile
because
just because
these are just words
in my head
happy words
feeling happy
these days
good morning
Saturday, October 8, 2011
It's Saturday!
It's a lovely day! Lovely! I went for my walk today. Walking makes me feel good. So good. Also I joined a dance class the other night. Afro Hip Hop. The class is every week and I will be there! It's 3:15pm and there is a Law and Order marathon on and I'm kind of a sucka for a Law and Order marathon. I'm chillin' for a little while. I'm shooting an event tonight. Yes, I got my camera out of "the shop"! Yaaaa!
Just checking in with yall. Getting the words out of my head. I don't know about you but this is a great stress release for me. Also it's been helping me in writing my life. So many details I wouldn't remember except through the blog. And I feel like when I release it to the world it will either help someone else or help me let it go or celebrate it. Release it to the world and it's not as big as I think it is. Especially not compared to the world.
Just checking in with yall. Getting the words out of my head. I don't know about you but this is a great stress release for me. Also it's been helping me in writing my life. So many details I wouldn't remember except through the blog. And I feel like when I release it to the world it will either help someone else or help me let it go or celebrate it. Release it to the world and it's not as big as I think it is. Especially not compared to the world.
Choosing sun (from journal entry 10-6-11)
2:17pm
At work. Feeling good. I've been feeling good for days now. Can you tell? It's such a beautiful day today. The heavy rain yesterday and last night washed away so much smog and the sky is the most wonderful light blue. The air is slightly crisp like I like it. I still didn't get my hot chocolate, but whatever. It really is all good. Because I say so.
That's what all good is, you know, a decision that it is. And no, I'm not giving myself the "It's all good speech" to make myself not see what's not good. I'm making a choice for how I feel in the moment.
Over the past month I experienced on and off again but mostly on an overwelming feeling of sadness. The scary kind of sadness. The kind that comes for no seemingly real reason. I know I'm getting older, my body and hormones are changing, but still...So I decided to have a new relationship with the sad cloud. Before, my judgement about it was that it should not be there. But sadness, like rain, like problems, like good times, like life...comes. And we prepare for it. When it rains we acknowledge the rain and prepare accordingly. Sometimes there is no prediction of rain. And the rain just comes. Catches us in the middle of a three mile walk. So we make it as fast as we can to shelter. Or we continue at our normal pace and let the drops fall on us. Whatever, but we do what we do and we know the rain doesn't last forever.
Hopefully you can work your way around my metaphors. What can I say? I'm a poet, a painter, a blogger.
#stallmeout
And yes, in the moment of the sinking it will take a little more work than say, opening an umbrella to keep the crazies away. For me, when I think back and through my journals, there are particular triggers, and particular times I felt myself get low. I have expressed before that I do not choose to medicate myself through this and so I know I need to put something in place for when/if I feel that way again. I'll keep you posted. I aways do.
Anyway, this is a clear head day and I'm loving it. My laundry is already in my trunk so I'm going to go to get that done after work then get some rest. Gotta keep what what works. I have to take a nap before I must take a nap.
Laugh today people, mkay? Even if it's not that funny.
I love you. I do you know.
At work. Feeling good. I've been feeling good for days now. Can you tell? It's such a beautiful day today. The heavy rain yesterday and last night washed away so much smog and the sky is the most wonderful light blue. The air is slightly crisp like I like it. I still didn't get my hot chocolate, but whatever. It really is all good. Because I say so.
That's what all good is, you know, a decision that it is. And no, I'm not giving myself the "It's all good speech" to make myself not see what's not good. I'm making a choice for how I feel in the moment.
Over the past month I experienced on and off again but mostly on an overwelming feeling of sadness. The scary kind of sadness. The kind that comes for no seemingly real reason. I know I'm getting older, my body and hormones are changing, but still...So I decided to have a new relationship with the sad cloud. Before, my judgement about it was that it should not be there. But sadness, like rain, like problems, like good times, like life...comes. And we prepare for it. When it rains we acknowledge the rain and prepare accordingly. Sometimes there is no prediction of rain. And the rain just comes. Catches us in the middle of a three mile walk. So we make it as fast as we can to shelter. Or we continue at our normal pace and let the drops fall on us. Whatever, but we do what we do and we know the rain doesn't last forever.
Hopefully you can work your way around my metaphors. What can I say? I'm a poet, a painter, a blogger.
#stallmeout
And yes, in the moment of the sinking it will take a little more work than say, opening an umbrella to keep the crazies away. For me, when I think back and through my journals, there are particular triggers, and particular times I felt myself get low. I have expressed before that I do not choose to medicate myself through this and so I know I need to put something in place for when/if I feel that way again. I'll keep you posted. I aways do.
Anyway, this is a clear head day and I'm loving it. My laundry is already in my trunk so I'm going to go to get that done after work then get some rest. Gotta keep what what works. I have to take a nap before I must take a nap.
Laugh today people, mkay? Even if it's not that funny.
I love you. I do you know.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Good morning lovely people
It's 11:43am and I'm rushing out now. Working with private client today. There is always much to say but for now I just wanted to say hi.
Laugh so hard today!
Laugh so hard today!
Up and at it again (from journal entry 10-5-11)
6:34am
At Clara's early today because Samantha has a class at 7 and asked if I would come a little early and I didn't mind doing it for Samantha.
Today is my last day this week with Clara and we don't have any outing scheduled. Thank goodness. I'm hoping that this will be a pretty easy day.
Thank You Mother/Father God for this day. Thank You for life and love. Thank You for friends and family. I am in love with You, dear Spirit. How You live and breathe through me. How You lead and guide me. For Your protection, mercy, generosity, kindness, for all of who You are to me, thank You.
Thank You for Uraeus. I know that You are surrounding every step he takes. I know that You are a fence around him. Thank You. I thank You for his health today.
Fill me, High Spirit, with love and peace today.
Thank You for every breath You bless me with.
6:47am
It's raining! It's raining! I didn't stop by the store last night to get hot chocolate but I will tonight so I can have it in the morning. Especially since I don't have to wake up early tomorrow. I should say especially since I don't have to leave early in the morning because I always wake up early. Yes, I'm a morning person.
Last night, well about 3:00 this morning, my neighbors were fighting. They fight often. Other than them, the block is pretty quiet. Their apartment is across the small patch of lawn but with my window open, and it's usually open because I love the fresh air, I can hear them when they fight.
It makes me nervous when I hear couples arguing. And truthfully, I usually only hear him screaming come to think of it. This morning was the worst. His constant screaming and yelling, yelling, yelling. Finally someone went upstairs and knocked on his door. I thought at first it was the police because whoever was knocking was banging on the door with that cop kinda bang. But I guess they had to bang to be heard over the yelling. After whoever it was left the yelling started again. Then someone left, I think it was her. Whoever it was stomped down the stairs without saying anything (that's why I think it was her), then got in a vehicle and drove off.
I was relieved when I heard the car pull off. I said a prayer for them. In the prayer I prayed that it wouldn't esclate.
7:08am
Theodore Simon, Amanda Knox's attorney is on television now talking about Amanda's first night home. In his comments he said that if you got to know Amanda then you would know that she is too sweet and kind and no one as sweet and tender and as kind as she could ever do anything like what she was accused of. What disturbs me about his comment is that when a white woman, and of course a white woman from Seattle, is on trial, she immediately looks sweet and tender and kind in the eyes of the public.
Now I don't know Amanda and again, I hope she is really innocent. I send prayers and light to her and wish her peace in her life. I heard it reported that she is not seeking professional help. I hope she rethinks that because having been in jail for four years in another country and having been found guilty at first then not guilty on appeal, well, she just might need some help sorting all of that out.
7:34am
The Conrad Murray trial is not looking good for him. When Michael Jackson first died, I really believed that because of the possible stress on Michael's body and pressure he was under and whatever medical issues he had, then that could have been the cause of his death. And it may well have been but the prosecution is making a pretty good case for Mr. Murray's neglect and mis care.
Today they are scheduled to play a recorded tape of Michael slamming his family saying that they were only interested in him because of his money. The family has been at the trial everyday and will most likely be there today. If they play the recording I'm sure it will be a tough situation for them to sit through.
And why was Mr. Murray recording all these statements from Michael? And on each one Michael sounds so drugged up. What was he on and why did Conrad have a collection of the conversations?
7:45am
The voice actors on The Simpson's are asked to take a 45 percent pay cut or FOX network is threatening to take the show off the air. The actors are currently making eight million a year and the studios make billions. The Simpson's are the longest running scripted show on television. I think this is their twenty-third season. I'll have to check that out later. But, I mean, isn't there enough money to go around?
With the economy and lack of jobs being such a huge conversation right now, I don't think the American people have much sympathy for someone who is earning eight million a year to take a pay cut of any percentage.
7:56am
My new favorite commercial just came on. Two men and a woman came out of an office building and looked up into the sky with very puzzled looks on their faces. The woman said "What is that thing up there?" One of the men in the group said "It's senging me." The window cleaner responded "It's the sun." The announcer's voice came on and said "Get out of the office." Love it. And I can relate to it. When I lived in Georgia I had a job where I worked ten, twelve, thirteen hour days, six days a week. At the time the subdivision I lived in was very new and there was a lot of construction going on. I remember pulling in the driveway one day and I was stunned because they had built a whole house right next door and I hadn't even noticed. I hadn't noticed that and I was mostly having lunch at my desk. That's too much.
8:57am
The stormy conditions are expected to pick up over the next few hours. It's pouring now. Earthquake is at the Comedy Union tonight and I was going to go with Lynette to see him (she won free tickets on the radio) but this doesn't feel like a comedy show night tonight. Mostly because I would have to hurry up and go home and get dressed and rush to get there. And I don't feel like going through all that to go to the Comedy Union tonight. Instead, I think I'll go to the World Stage (my favorite place to be on Wednesday nights these days.)
Regis and Kelly is on and Clara is reading the paper as Regis is speaking in the background. This is her favorite hour, I think. Soon she will complain about the dye in Regis' hair.
9:07am
About ten hours to go. Uh ohhh, I'm counting down the hours already.
It bothers me when I relieve the night staff and it seems like nothing was done. I came in early for Samantha and when I changed Clara this morning she was soaked. I checked the notes and saw that the last time she was changed was at 9:00 last night. And no other time in the night. Then the laundry wasn't even done. She said that she didn't know we did her laundry. Then why didn't she ask? How did she think it was getting done? It's the little things that matter when you are caring for the elderly. Do the laundry everyday and the house won't smell like old lady pee pee house. Change and rotate her postion every two hours and you can prevent the bed sores from coming on her body. And then, she was still in the same clothes I took her to the doctor in. Her pants and sheets under her were soaked.
Yesterday I cooked her breakfast, lunch, dinner, gave her her morning and evening medication. Changed her several times. Washed her, dressed her and got her outside on time to get in the van to go to the doctor. Went with her to the doctor, waited with her outside the hospital to get in the van to come home. Lifted her by myself over the bar to come into the garage. The Access driver would have helped me but I forgot the gate key so I had to wait for somebody to come out of the garage first. The driver waited as long as he could though. Then Clara's niece came over with about twelve full bags of groceries which I unloaded from the car and carried into the condo and made the trip back and forth from the condo to car to condo then put the groceries up. Then Samantha asked me to come in early so she could get to class on time and I got here earlier than she asked and nothing was done. I like Samantha, but damn. Seriously, at least change her clothes and change her briefs this morning.
Okay, I didn't intend to go there but while I'm on one. I'm just coming off of being irritated by another night caregiver. Clara's mattress on her hospital bed in her room is uncomfortable to her so I took a few thick quilts and covers and folded them in half to give her more padding. With as much time as she spends in bed I do have a concern about bed sores. Which are very very painful. Anyway, the day after I put the covers on Clara's bed I came in and saw the fluffy covers and thick quilts on the bed in the guest bedroom. And Clara was sleeping on a throw cover and sheets in her room.
Really, and I'm being very serious now, if you have a friend or family member in a rest home, in the care of a caregiver or in a hospital, then you should be very sure that you or someone is popping up often.
This is a field where you really have to operate on a high level of intergrity. No one is watching over you. If I closed the door to Clara's room with her in it, then watched TV all day in the living room, the truth is that no one would know. No one would know if I just ignored her all day long. Now, I wouldn't do that because I wouldn't do that. But I have worked in this field for many years on and off and there are caregivers who would.
Okay. Breathe Jaha. Take a deep, deep, deep breath.
Now let it out and talk about how ridiculous Nicole Alvaraz's testimony was on the stand yesterday at the Conrad Murray trial. She is the mother of one of his children and was on the stand because the prosecution called her because she was one of the people Conrad spoke to on the phone while he was in the house with Michael. Also it was to her house that Conrad shipped the Propenalj???? (I don't know how to spell it) bottles that he said he was weaning Michael off of.
She was acting like it was an audition tape for a reality show. Hopefully you saw it, if not, Google it and check it out. Maybe I'll talk more about it later.
Okay, now is later. She was all giggly and wide eyes and acting awestruck about having met Michael. And maybe she was, but the trial, where his family is sitting there, was not the place. She talked about her being a professional actress and how she spends her day meeting casting directors and taking care of her "instrument." When asked to explain that she went on to say that an actor's instrument is her body. Now, if you didn't see it, then picture the whole...audition done in sparkly eyes and laughing voice. It was pretty bad.
10:47am
Eight hours and thirteen minutes to go. So far a pretty easy day. I took the laundry down this morning when I got here. It's already dry and I brought it back up. I'll fold it later. Clara and I are watching The View.
They are talking to Sarah Woo, she is the Chicago school teacher who forgot her lunch one day and decided to purchase a school lunch. She was greatly bothered by what the students were being served and that they only had between nine and thirteen minutes to eat the overprocessed food. She ate the cafeteria food for a month and took pictures of the food with her cell phone camera and posted them on her blog everyday (yay blog). She got over a million hits and of course people wanted to know who she was but she posted blog anonomously only identifying herself as Mrs. Q. Good for her! She has finally revealed her identity and published a book...they just showed it and I forgot what it's called, but it's not hard to find. Look it up.
11:03am
This rain is really coming down. I said a prayer for those outside and in traffic today.
11:25am
Eyewitness News.
Rain.
Freaking media hype. They were putting out blurbs saying that they were going to play a recording of Michael talking about his family and saying that the only reason they supported him was because of his money. Now they say that that's not on the tape. Why put that out and have his family even hear that blurb?
3:55pm
4:07pm
Eyewitness News:
Palin will not run for president in the next election.
Nancy Grace feels that Amanda knox should still be in prison.
New tub for seniors commercial.
Empire carpet commercial. (Buy two rooms get the rest free.)
Eyewitness News:
Rain.
Massive search for armed and dangerous employee in Sunnyville.
Amanda Knox is home in Seattle.
C: Help!
Missing baby (sad)
Something?
Gov. Jerry Brown.
Los Angeles county has plastic bags for sale for .10c a piece.
Which is the best restaurant to take your kids to?
Tiger Woods has new endorsement deal.
Michelle Obama's designer has clothes for sale at Target.
El Pollo Loco $5 deal commmercial.
Scana commercial.
Ross fall dress event commercial (grand opening Saturday)
Tempupedic matress commercial.
Another El Pollo Loco comercial $10 whole chicken.
Eyewitness News:
Weather.
Rolex deal for Tiger Woods.
Chesecake Factory number one restaurant.
Golden Coral best restaurant for children.
Child accused of killing another student. Said he was gay.
Something commercial.
Commercial with cute song.
I am dangerously bored.
Bev Mo .05c wine sale.
C: Look at that! I hope they bought enough groceries! Look at the storm out there!
That made me smile. I don't know why. But it did.
Aww man! Just heard that Steve Jobs, one of the founders of Apple) passed away today.
At Clara's early today because Samantha has a class at 7 and asked if I would come a little early and I didn't mind doing it for Samantha.
Today is my last day this week with Clara and we don't have any outing scheduled. Thank goodness. I'm hoping that this will be a pretty easy day.
Thank You Mother/Father God for this day. Thank You for life and love. Thank You for friends and family. I am in love with You, dear Spirit. How You live and breathe through me. How You lead and guide me. For Your protection, mercy, generosity, kindness, for all of who You are to me, thank You.
Thank You for Uraeus. I know that You are surrounding every step he takes. I know that You are a fence around him. Thank You. I thank You for his health today.
Fill me, High Spirit, with love and peace today.
Thank You for every breath You bless me with.
6:47am
It's raining! It's raining! I didn't stop by the store last night to get hot chocolate but I will tonight so I can have it in the morning. Especially since I don't have to wake up early tomorrow. I should say especially since I don't have to leave early in the morning because I always wake up early. Yes, I'm a morning person.
Last night, well about 3:00 this morning, my neighbors were fighting. They fight often. Other than them, the block is pretty quiet. Their apartment is across the small patch of lawn but with my window open, and it's usually open because I love the fresh air, I can hear them when they fight.
It makes me nervous when I hear couples arguing. And truthfully, I usually only hear him screaming come to think of it. This morning was the worst. His constant screaming and yelling, yelling, yelling. Finally someone went upstairs and knocked on his door. I thought at first it was the police because whoever was knocking was banging on the door with that cop kinda bang. But I guess they had to bang to be heard over the yelling. After whoever it was left the yelling started again. Then someone left, I think it was her. Whoever it was stomped down the stairs without saying anything (that's why I think it was her), then got in a vehicle and drove off.
I was relieved when I heard the car pull off. I said a prayer for them. In the prayer I prayed that it wouldn't esclate.
7:08am
Theodore Simon, Amanda Knox's attorney is on television now talking about Amanda's first night home. In his comments he said that if you got to know Amanda then you would know that she is too sweet and kind and no one as sweet and tender and as kind as she could ever do anything like what she was accused of. What disturbs me about his comment is that when a white woman, and of course a white woman from Seattle, is on trial, she immediately looks sweet and tender and kind in the eyes of the public.
Now I don't know Amanda and again, I hope she is really innocent. I send prayers and light to her and wish her peace in her life. I heard it reported that she is not seeking professional help. I hope she rethinks that because having been in jail for four years in another country and having been found guilty at first then not guilty on appeal, well, she just might need some help sorting all of that out.
7:34am
The Conrad Murray trial is not looking good for him. When Michael Jackson first died, I really believed that because of the possible stress on Michael's body and pressure he was under and whatever medical issues he had, then that could have been the cause of his death. And it may well have been but the prosecution is making a pretty good case for Mr. Murray's neglect and mis care.
Today they are scheduled to play a recorded tape of Michael slamming his family saying that they were only interested in him because of his money. The family has been at the trial everyday and will most likely be there today. If they play the recording I'm sure it will be a tough situation for them to sit through.
And why was Mr. Murray recording all these statements from Michael? And on each one Michael sounds so drugged up. What was he on and why did Conrad have a collection of the conversations?
7:45am
The voice actors on The Simpson's are asked to take a 45 percent pay cut or FOX network is threatening to take the show off the air. The actors are currently making eight million a year and the studios make billions. The Simpson's are the longest running scripted show on television. I think this is their twenty-third season. I'll have to check that out later. But, I mean, isn't there enough money to go around?
With the economy and lack of jobs being such a huge conversation right now, I don't think the American people have much sympathy for someone who is earning eight million a year to take a pay cut of any percentage.
7:56am
My new favorite commercial just came on. Two men and a woman came out of an office building and looked up into the sky with very puzzled looks on their faces. The woman said "What is that thing up there?" One of the men in the group said "It's senging me." The window cleaner responded "It's the sun." The announcer's voice came on and said "Get out of the office." Love it. And I can relate to it. When I lived in Georgia I had a job where I worked ten, twelve, thirteen hour days, six days a week. At the time the subdivision I lived in was very new and there was a lot of construction going on. I remember pulling in the driveway one day and I was stunned because they had built a whole house right next door and I hadn't even noticed. I hadn't noticed that and I was mostly having lunch at my desk. That's too much.
8:57am
The stormy conditions are expected to pick up over the next few hours. It's pouring now. Earthquake is at the Comedy Union tonight and I was going to go with Lynette to see him (she won free tickets on the radio) but this doesn't feel like a comedy show night tonight. Mostly because I would have to hurry up and go home and get dressed and rush to get there. And I don't feel like going through all that to go to the Comedy Union tonight. Instead, I think I'll go to the World Stage (my favorite place to be on Wednesday nights these days.)
Regis and Kelly is on and Clara is reading the paper as Regis is speaking in the background. This is her favorite hour, I think. Soon she will complain about the dye in Regis' hair.
9:07am
About ten hours to go. Uh ohhh, I'm counting down the hours already.
It bothers me when I relieve the night staff and it seems like nothing was done. I came in early for Samantha and when I changed Clara this morning she was soaked. I checked the notes and saw that the last time she was changed was at 9:00 last night. And no other time in the night. Then the laundry wasn't even done. She said that she didn't know we did her laundry. Then why didn't she ask? How did she think it was getting done? It's the little things that matter when you are caring for the elderly. Do the laundry everyday and the house won't smell like old lady pee pee house. Change and rotate her postion every two hours and you can prevent the bed sores from coming on her body. And then, she was still in the same clothes I took her to the doctor in. Her pants and sheets under her were soaked.
Yesterday I cooked her breakfast, lunch, dinner, gave her her morning and evening medication. Changed her several times. Washed her, dressed her and got her outside on time to get in the van to go to the doctor. Went with her to the doctor, waited with her outside the hospital to get in the van to come home. Lifted her by myself over the bar to come into the garage. The Access driver would have helped me but I forgot the gate key so I had to wait for somebody to come out of the garage first. The driver waited as long as he could though. Then Clara's niece came over with about twelve full bags of groceries which I unloaded from the car and carried into the condo and made the trip back and forth from the condo to car to condo then put the groceries up. Then Samantha asked me to come in early so she could get to class on time and I got here earlier than she asked and nothing was done. I like Samantha, but damn. Seriously, at least change her clothes and change her briefs this morning.
Okay, I didn't intend to go there but while I'm on one. I'm just coming off of being irritated by another night caregiver. Clara's mattress on her hospital bed in her room is uncomfortable to her so I took a few thick quilts and covers and folded them in half to give her more padding. With as much time as she spends in bed I do have a concern about bed sores. Which are very very painful. Anyway, the day after I put the covers on Clara's bed I came in and saw the fluffy covers and thick quilts on the bed in the guest bedroom. And Clara was sleeping on a throw cover and sheets in her room.
Really, and I'm being very serious now, if you have a friend or family member in a rest home, in the care of a caregiver or in a hospital, then you should be very sure that you or someone is popping up often.
This is a field where you really have to operate on a high level of intergrity. No one is watching over you. If I closed the door to Clara's room with her in it, then watched TV all day in the living room, the truth is that no one would know. No one would know if I just ignored her all day long. Now, I wouldn't do that because I wouldn't do that. But I have worked in this field for many years on and off and there are caregivers who would.
Okay. Breathe Jaha. Take a deep, deep, deep breath.
Now let it out and talk about how ridiculous Nicole Alvaraz's testimony was on the stand yesterday at the Conrad Murray trial. She is the mother of one of his children and was on the stand because the prosecution called her because she was one of the people Conrad spoke to on the phone while he was in the house with Michael. Also it was to her house that Conrad shipped the Propenalj???? (I don't know how to spell it) bottles that he said he was weaning Michael off of.
She was acting like it was an audition tape for a reality show. Hopefully you saw it, if not, Google it and check it out. Maybe I'll talk more about it later.
Okay, now is later. She was all giggly and wide eyes and acting awestruck about having met Michael. And maybe she was, but the trial, where his family is sitting there, was not the place. She talked about her being a professional actress and how she spends her day meeting casting directors and taking care of her "instrument." When asked to explain that she went on to say that an actor's instrument is her body. Now, if you didn't see it, then picture the whole...audition done in sparkly eyes and laughing voice. It was pretty bad.
10:47am
Eight hours and thirteen minutes to go. So far a pretty easy day. I took the laundry down this morning when I got here. It's already dry and I brought it back up. I'll fold it later. Clara and I are watching The View.
They are talking to Sarah Woo, she is the Chicago school teacher who forgot her lunch one day and decided to purchase a school lunch. She was greatly bothered by what the students were being served and that they only had between nine and thirteen minutes to eat the overprocessed food. She ate the cafeteria food for a month and took pictures of the food with her cell phone camera and posted them on her blog everyday (yay blog). She got over a million hits and of course people wanted to know who she was but she posted blog anonomously only identifying herself as Mrs. Q. Good for her! She has finally revealed her identity and published a book...they just showed it and I forgot what it's called, but it's not hard to find. Look it up.
11:03am
This rain is really coming down. I said a prayer for those outside and in traffic today.
11:25am
Eyewitness News.
Rain.
Freaking media hype. They were putting out blurbs saying that they were going to play a recording of Michael talking about his family and saying that the only reason they supported him was because of his money. Now they say that that's not on the tape. Why put that out and have his family even hear that blurb?
3:55pm
4:07pm
Eyewitness News:
Palin will not run for president in the next election.
Nancy Grace feels that Amanda knox should still be in prison.
New tub for seniors commercial.
Empire carpet commercial. (Buy two rooms get the rest free.)
Eyewitness News:
Rain.
Massive search for armed and dangerous employee in Sunnyville.
Amanda Knox is home in Seattle.
C: Help!
Missing baby (sad)
Something?
Gov. Jerry Brown.
Los Angeles county has plastic bags for sale for .10c a piece.
Which is the best restaurant to take your kids to?
Tiger Woods has new endorsement deal.
Michelle Obama's designer has clothes for sale at Target.
El Pollo Loco $5 deal commmercial.
Scana commercial.
Ross fall dress event commercial (grand opening Saturday)
Tempupedic matress commercial.
Another El Pollo Loco comercial $10 whole chicken.
Eyewitness News:
Weather.
Rolex deal for Tiger Woods.
Chesecake Factory number one restaurant.
Golden Coral best restaurant for children.
Child accused of killing another student. Said he was gay.
Something commercial.
Commercial with cute song.
I am dangerously bored.
Bev Mo .05c wine sale.
C: Look at that! I hope they bought enough groceries! Look at the storm out there!
That made me smile. I don't know why. But it did.
Aww man! Just heard that Steve Jobs, one of the founders of Apple) passed away today.
Another day another $1.85 (from journal entry 10-4-11)
7:53am
I'm at Clara's and she was up when I arrived. On the couch drinking cofee, giving orders.
Me: Good morning.
C: Oh, good morning. Um go out there and cut the flowers and bring some in here and put them in this vase so I won't have to look at those dead ones.
Me: I'm not going to go cut the flowers but I will throw these away.
C: Go cut the flowers. You can tell them I told you to.
Me: (thinking- All the more reason for me to not cut the flowers) No.
Glad she's up and I've already given her her breakfast because we have to go to the doctor today and the van should be here about 12:45.
They are talking about Amanda Knox going free and coming home today. She is the young woman from Seattle who was a foreign exchange student in Italy. She was accused, with her former boyfriend, of killing her roommate. Originally she was found guilty but on appeal she was found not guilty after four years in prison. Her family says she wants to come home and get on with her life. Good luck with that.
I was listening to the reporter (forgot his name) and I agree with him. "The American people will want her to look straight into a camera and say 'I didn't do it.' She will have a better chance of getting on with her life if people believe her."
I feel dizzy. Still. I felt dizzy when I woke up this morning but didn't pay it any mind. But I've had breakfast and water. I'm even sitting down and that feeling is still there.
#goawaydizzygoaway
8:57am
What the heck with how I feel right now!? No, no mental sinking, still dizzy though. I wish there was a blood pressure machine here so I could see what my numbers are. This is weird. But not weird enough for me to feel like I need a doctor thank goodness.
We are watching Regis and Kelly and Clara always complains when she sees Regis because she says he's too old to dye his hair. But she loves the show. Go figure. In fact, any news or newsish show on channel 7 (ABC) is better than any news or newsish show to her.
10:44am
Feeling much much better. Dizzy all gone. I am loving this gray sky. And cliches are around for a reason because a big (McDonald's supersize) cup of hot chocolate, sounds so good right now. Seriously, hot chocolate, my bed, my pillows, Law and Order, Uraeus, a new canvas and plenty of paint sounds like heaven to me.
It's almost time to get ready to go to the hospital. She's pretty quiet today (for her) so hopefully it won't be a production. "Getting ready to go" starring Clara as Queen English Bee.
She's eating now (again) so she won't be hungry and crabby in the waiting room. But the other side of that is that she will say (louder than will be cool) that she has to have a BM over and over. And if you thought my back was sore changing her, transferring her from her wheelchair, standing her up, pulling her diaper off and pants down, then sitting her on the toilet all while she is screaming "Don't drop me! Don't drop me!" is a sore back you really aren't ready to hear about.
10:59am
The news is back on and of course the leading story is Amanda Knox. It's sad that they rarely talk about Meridith Kercher (the woman who was killed). What about her and her family and what they are going through? Where are their interviews? Their faces across the news?
If she is truly not guilty then I am relieved for Amanda and her family and friends.
12:38pm
We are in the Access Van. Always an ordeal getting her out of the condo garage. I so feel for the handicapped community. There is no ramp in the front and the only way out in a wheelchair is through the garage and there is an uphill ramp to get to the gate. So that means I push her up the hill and once we get to the gate there is a metal bar on the ground I have to maneuver over that I succeeded once and will never try again by myself. So usually I wait for the van with the gate open and flag the driver to help us. Of course the story doesn't end there. Once the driver gets out, I usually have to hear the part about how the drivers aren't supposed to help because if something happens the insurance won't cover it. Then for two short but long seconds the driver and I have a staring contest, that I always win and we all get in the van and I'm sweating and I wipe my forehead then get my game face ready for the return trip because there will be a different driver.
12:49pm
We are at the hospital now.
1:04pm
Waiting room 6B. Waiting. Breathing.
1:20pm
Back in the waiting room. We weren't sitting here five minutes when she followed the script.
C: You know, I think I have to have a BM!
Me: Ok.
As I'm getting up to wheel her to the restroom...
C: Oooohhh! I have to have a BM!
And we go to the restroom and do the whole "Don't drop me" dance.
It all went pretty smoothly (considering).
Dear back,
I promise you a massage soon, dear. Promise.
3:52pm
We returned from Kaiser.
C: East west home's best.
She says that everytime we return. I lift her out of her chair and onto the couch then brought her food.
C: Oh no, you didn't go to all this trouble for me did you? You have enough supper for yourself?
Me: Sure.
Two hours and fifteen minutes to go.
"Getting old is not for sissies." I think I will always remember those words from Mr. Minute and the sure but easy way he said it.
Breathing. Breathing. Breathing.
Dear reader,
I'm in California right now and the sky is gray and it's slightly raining. Soon it will be raining hard. This is my favorite time of year so my posts will begin to get mushy. It's the weather.
#justsothatyouknow
I'm at Clara's and she was up when I arrived. On the couch drinking cofee, giving orders.
Me: Good morning.
C: Oh, good morning. Um go out there and cut the flowers and bring some in here and put them in this vase so I won't have to look at those dead ones.
Me: I'm not going to go cut the flowers but I will throw these away.
C: Go cut the flowers. You can tell them I told you to.
Me: (thinking- All the more reason for me to not cut the flowers) No.
Glad she's up and I've already given her her breakfast because we have to go to the doctor today and the van should be here about 12:45.
They are talking about Amanda Knox going free and coming home today. She is the young woman from Seattle who was a foreign exchange student in Italy. She was accused, with her former boyfriend, of killing her roommate. Originally she was found guilty but on appeal she was found not guilty after four years in prison. Her family says she wants to come home and get on with her life. Good luck with that.
I was listening to the reporter (forgot his name) and I agree with him. "The American people will want her to look straight into a camera and say 'I didn't do it.' She will have a better chance of getting on with her life if people believe her."
I feel dizzy. Still. I felt dizzy when I woke up this morning but didn't pay it any mind. But I've had breakfast and water. I'm even sitting down and that feeling is still there.
#goawaydizzygoaway
8:57am
What the heck with how I feel right now!? No, no mental sinking, still dizzy though. I wish there was a blood pressure machine here so I could see what my numbers are. This is weird. But not weird enough for me to feel like I need a doctor thank goodness.
We are watching Regis and Kelly and Clara always complains when she sees Regis because she says he's too old to dye his hair. But she loves the show. Go figure. In fact, any news or newsish show on channel 7 (ABC) is better than any news or newsish show to her.
10:44am
Feeling much much better. Dizzy all gone. I am loving this gray sky. And cliches are around for a reason because a big (McDonald's supersize) cup of hot chocolate, sounds so good right now. Seriously, hot chocolate, my bed, my pillows, Law and Order, Uraeus, a new canvas and plenty of paint sounds like heaven to me.
It's almost time to get ready to go to the hospital. She's pretty quiet today (for her) so hopefully it won't be a production. "Getting ready to go" starring Clara as Queen English Bee.
She's eating now (again) so she won't be hungry and crabby in the waiting room. But the other side of that is that she will say (louder than will be cool) that she has to have a BM over and over. And if you thought my back was sore changing her, transferring her from her wheelchair, standing her up, pulling her diaper off and pants down, then sitting her on the toilet all while she is screaming "Don't drop me! Don't drop me!" is a sore back you really aren't ready to hear about.
10:59am
The news is back on and of course the leading story is Amanda Knox. It's sad that they rarely talk about Meridith Kercher (the woman who was killed). What about her and her family and what they are going through? Where are their interviews? Their faces across the news?
If she is truly not guilty then I am relieved for Amanda and her family and friends.
12:38pm
We are in the Access Van. Always an ordeal getting her out of the condo garage. I so feel for the handicapped community. There is no ramp in the front and the only way out in a wheelchair is through the garage and there is an uphill ramp to get to the gate. So that means I push her up the hill and once we get to the gate there is a metal bar on the ground I have to maneuver over that I succeeded once and will never try again by myself. So usually I wait for the van with the gate open and flag the driver to help us. Of course the story doesn't end there. Once the driver gets out, I usually have to hear the part about how the drivers aren't supposed to help because if something happens the insurance won't cover it. Then for two short but long seconds the driver and I have a staring contest, that I always win and we all get in the van and I'm sweating and I wipe my forehead then get my game face ready for the return trip because there will be a different driver.
12:49pm
We are at the hospital now.
1:04pm
Waiting room 6B. Waiting. Breathing.
1:20pm
Back in the waiting room. We weren't sitting here five minutes when she followed the script.
C: You know, I think I have to have a BM!
Me: Ok.
As I'm getting up to wheel her to the restroom...
C: Oooohhh! I have to have a BM!
And we go to the restroom and do the whole "Don't drop me" dance.
It all went pretty smoothly (considering).
Dear back,
I promise you a massage soon, dear. Promise.
3:52pm
We returned from Kaiser.
C: East west home's best.
She says that everytime we return. I lift her out of her chair and onto the couch then brought her food.
C: Oh no, you didn't go to all this trouble for me did you? You have enough supper for yourself?
Me: Sure.
Two hours and fifteen minutes to go.
"Getting old is not for sissies." I think I will always remember those words from Mr. Minute and the sure but easy way he said it.
Breathing. Breathing. Breathing.
Dear reader,
I'm in California right now and the sky is gray and it's slightly raining. Soon it will be raining hard. This is my favorite time of year so my posts will begin to get mushy. It's the weather.
#justsothatyouknow
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Happy Tuesday
Good morning. The weatherman says rain and my knee doesn't ache. Hmmm. And the rain is very welcome. Come rain come. This is my favorite season. Feeling good. Awake. Alive. Rested. Long day ahead. Ready.
Be good to yourselves. Okay?
Be good to yourselves. Okay?
Monday, October 3, 2011
Creating love, rest, peace
8:38pm I'm at home. Tired. Sore back. Feeling good. At peace. Feeling good. I said that already right? Law and Order is on. Yay. This is a boring post. I know it. Just saying hi. Just releasing and letting the day go is easy on a blog. Letting the words out of my head. The hard and easy words. The words I don't understand. Tonight though there are easy words. Exhale words.
Happy. Life. Smile. Laugh.
In the moment I am letting it go. Letting it all go. Letting go of what I didn't realize I was holding on to. Letting the worry go. Letting go of the worry over worry. Letting in love. Letting in rest. Letting in peace. And love, rest, peace are boring words and I like that. A good boring that puts me to sleep.
Happy. Life. Smile. Laugh.
In the moment I am letting it go. Letting it all go. Letting go of what I didn't realize I was holding on to. Letting the worry go. Letting go of the worry over worry. Letting in love. Letting in rest. Letting in peace. And love, rest, peace are boring words and I like that. A good boring that puts me to sleep.
Starting the day
Good morning wonderful people. It's 5:52am and I am about to get up and get in the shower and get ready for the day. I'm going to try to get to Clara's a bit early so that I can get some walk time in. Walking, as I always say, is good for the mind, good for the body.
God is good and I feel the love of the high expression of love living inside of me. I am looking forward to breathing life into everything I touch today.
Enjoy yourselves and get your exercise and laughter in today.
God is good and I feel the love of the high expression of love living inside of me. I am looking forward to breathing life into everything I touch today.
Enjoy yourselves and get your exercise and laughter in today.
Them goodgood jobs
They just reported on the news that they are starting to lay off workers at the courts now. It was recently reported that they are closing some post offices. Who would have ever thought? Remember the saying that "there is always work at the post office"? Well, there is not.
No president is creating jobs. It, I believe, is up to us to create jobs. This is who we used to be. A people who saw a need and created a job. We were doing this from way way back. Back in the day a young man saw a neighbors grass growing long and knew the man of the house worked late or wasn't there or whatever and then that young man became the caretaker of the yard. A job. A woman did the grocery shopping for Sis. Jenkins and her friends and built that into being her job. A painter sold his art on Venice Beach and that was his job. And he fed his children. A man fixed cars and put up shelves. A woman kept the children in the neighborhood. That was her job and she fed her family and paid the bills. Someone started a magazine. Someone made dolls, baked cakes, drove folks around, cleaned houses, sold books, purses. Whatever.
Then that wasn't good enough (or something). No job was good enough unless it was a goodgood job. You know the ones. A postal worker, a county employee, you know, the jobs that are being cut now. What can you do with you hands? We have strayed away from using our hands to work. To create. I know a guy, JT, the wonderful man who fixes my car. Praise God I haven't needed anything other than simple things, battery installed, my starter... but he can do much bigger jobs. Not just the car, name a job in the house and he can do it. Remember when brothas like JT were everywhere? Funny side note, on top of all the work he does, JT is also a dj and a barbor. Okaaaaa! So he might not have have those great benefits but he can sure work everyday.
So Americans we need jobs? What are we doing to create them? Not who are we looking to blame that they aren't there. What are we doing? What are you doing?
No president is creating jobs. It, I believe, is up to us to create jobs. This is who we used to be. A people who saw a need and created a job. We were doing this from way way back. Back in the day a young man saw a neighbors grass growing long and knew the man of the house worked late or wasn't there or whatever and then that young man became the caretaker of the yard. A job. A woman did the grocery shopping for Sis. Jenkins and her friends and built that into being her job. A painter sold his art on Venice Beach and that was his job. And he fed his children. A man fixed cars and put up shelves. A woman kept the children in the neighborhood. That was her job and she fed her family and paid the bills. Someone started a magazine. Someone made dolls, baked cakes, drove folks around, cleaned houses, sold books, purses. Whatever.
Then that wasn't good enough (or something). No job was good enough unless it was a goodgood job. You know the ones. A postal worker, a county employee, you know, the jobs that are being cut now. What can you do with you hands? We have strayed away from using our hands to work. To create. I know a guy, JT, the wonderful man who fixes my car. Praise God I haven't needed anything other than simple things, battery installed, my starter... but he can do much bigger jobs. Not just the car, name a job in the house and he can do it. Remember when brothas like JT were everywhere? Funny side note, on top of all the work he does, JT is also a dj and a barbor. Okaaaaa! So he might not have have those great benefits but he can sure work everyday.
So Americans we need jobs? What are we doing to create them? Not who are we looking to blame that they aren't there. What are we doing? What are you doing?
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