A poem a day for 2013 - day 12 - Untitled

I'm not ready to write a poem about you
About why I am afraid
About what I think I know 
I keep breathing and trying to be brave
I keep writing 
About water and rugs and purples and puppies
About love and children and parks and preachers
I keep pretending I am not worried about you
About what I can't prevent
About what we don't talk about
I am afraid
I am afraid I can't protect you
Afraid my poems are not enough
And sorry I don't have much more 
Just my love
Just my forgiveness and apologies
Just my listening and sitting
My stories and songs
I can't even write
Too afraid to call your name
Too afraid to jinks the good luck 
I crossed my fingers for
This is a part of it
This fear
This crossing fingers
This not able to write and call names
This memory of good times
This thing in my stomach that won't let go
This want to fight and scream 
And follow you everywhere you go 
And kill off anything that might cause you harm 
So that it can always be as easy 
As me just being
Worried